5 Tips for Restarting after Feeling Stalled

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the make time for success podcast. This is episode number 207. Before we begin today, I wanna take a minute to just send happy thanksgiving greetings to all my American listeners and extend my gratitude to everyone who is listening, both American and international. You are all friends of mine. I am so grateful for your attention, your listening, your growth path for yourself, and for you for inspiring the work that I do on the show. Thank you so much for your continued and ongoing support. I really appreciate all of you. I wanna share 2 recent reviews that came in for the show.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:50]:
They are lovely, and I'm grateful for these review writers as well. The first one said brilliant information. It's brilliant listening to your podcast and the way you are talking and sharing with us the best way to get steps forward for better lives away from procrastination. Thank you so very much for your time. Thank you so much, Manal Griffiths, for that lovely review. It was so kind of you. Thank you so much. And the second one was titled Time Well Spent.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:20]:
I love these podcasts, especially Dr. Li's solo ones. So many valuable tips and such positive energy that really makes me believe I can overcome procrastination, and that is by djjeystj. Thank you so much for that lovely and kind review as well. If you're listening today and you haven't sent in a review, please do me a favor. Take a few minutes after you listen to this episode and send in a 5 star review. These reviews really do help the show get in front of new listeners, and I hope to make this podcast grow wide and far so that we can help many more people together. And in this episode, we are going to tackle the topic of what to do when you feel like you have stalled. This is a very frequent occurrence, I think, at least amongst my clients and patients.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:18]:
And I wanted to share an in-depth review of the tips that I use for myself when I feel like I've been stalled or stalling and the tips that I share with my clients. I hope some or all of them help you so much. Let's go listen to the episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:40]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:23]:
Hi there. For this episode, I feel like jumping right in because the topic is what to do when you feel like you've stalled. And what I like to do when I feel like I have stalled is I like to jump right back in. I just throw myself into the work again because if I've reached a point of being totally stalled, then I feel like it's my job to just restart because after all, what does stalled out mean? Typically, it's like a car situation. The motor refuses to work. You're stuck somewhere you don't wanna be, and you feel like you can't rely on your own car. So whenever I feel like that, and it's pretty rare that I feel that way these days. When I feel that way, I know that I can restart.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:11]:
I have trained myself. I have practiced reminding myself that there's always a possibility of moving again, that I am never gonna be truly stalled, where I have no hope, no engine, no place to get to, no way to get there. So that's my solution. I hope you adopt something like that eventually for yourself, if you haven't already. But in today's episode, I'm going to share with you other types of tips that are a little gentler than throwing yourself back into your work just in case you're currently feeling stalled or you have a pattern of getting stalled frequently. Because one thing I've noticed is that this complaint of being stalled is very common. A lot of my clients come to me saying, you know what? I have stalled, or I'm procrastinating, or I'm really stuck and I'm really irritated with myself. And I know what I need to do, but I just seem to turn on the TV just when I'm supposed to be working, things like that.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:14]:
So this is a very common issue. So if you feel like you're procrastinating or stalled out currently, please know that you're not alone. I think that's one of the first points of healing anything is knowing that you are not the only person going through this, and, certainly, you are invited to become one of the people who totally heals themselves from needing to rely on being totally stalled to get through to the end goal. You really can skip this step, and I'm gonna show you how. So as a psychologist and coach, when I hear my clients say, you know what, doctor Li? I feel like I've stalled. I feel like it's my job to do a number of things, or I should say to not do a number of things. So the first thing I should avoid doing is becoming afraid for the client because my job is really to always have a 100% faith in the fact that my client can do what they're wanting to do, and I feel like that always works out because that always puts me in a positive, supportive adviser kind of role where I'm not naysaying or doubting the client in front of me. I am believing that they have what it takes to get what is needed done.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:35]:
So that's the first thing that I'm not supposed to do as their coach or therapist. The second thing I'm not supposed to do is to be judgmental about what they're doing because if I said, oh, wow. There they are being stalled out again. What kind of atmosphere or environment would I be creating for the client? They would likely not wanna come back to see me anymore. They would likely feel put upon. They would likely feel like their problem has now just gotten a little bit worse, and I certainly don't want them to feel that either. And the third thing that I don't wanna do to my clients when they're saying that they've stalled out is I don't wanna be critical because it can be really easy to say negative things. Just it's so common in the English language to be more negative, I think, than positive, but what I found is that clients who have a history of procrastination and sometimes of stalling out really are very capable of criticizing themselves.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:43]:
They do not need me to be slathering on another layer of criticism. That would just make zero sense for me to layer on and lay it on to the client so that they feel even worse. That's just not my job. It's not my inclination, and, of course, I've built this whole philosophy and practice of healing myself and others from procrastination, and the philosophy is centered around the concept of always being really kind to yourself. So that means don't be afraid. That means don't be judgmental. That means don't be critical, and find all the other options of finding new perspectives on yourself and on the task that you feel you've stalled out on. So I'm gonna share with you some steps for how to do this, but I think the very first thing that you need to remember is don't criticize, judge, or be afraid, and always be kind to yourself.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:47]:
That's, like, rule number 1 all the time, every day, no matter what. Be kind to yourself. In my view, in my book, it's not worth getting things done if you're gonna tear yourself apart. That's just my philosophy. All right. So here are, I would say, probably, 5 tips for ways that I teach my clients how to handle the situation of feeling like they've stalled. The first thing that I always try to analyze and review is to analyze how much overwhelm there is, and so the first tip that I would share to any client is to reduce the overwhelm because if the stress is just zinging about and the person is panicking or feeling out of control in any way or feeling so weighted down that they can't move, we have to alleviate that first. Because when you're in a state of psychological or physical overwhelm, you're just going to end up fighting against yourself when you're trying to be productive.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:56]:
Think about it. If you are feeling completely anxious and overwhelmed, that's part of you. And then the other part is saying, but I need to get this done. I think we've all been in this situation before, so this probably sounds familiar. So part of you is feeling completely freaked out and tired and exhausted and not well. And the other part is saying, but we need to get this done. That creates this conflict, and that creates a situation where getting things done is just gonna be so difficult to do, and it's generally a losing battle. Sometimes you can get to the finish line in those circumstances, and sometimes you might need to.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:35]:
But I'm going to suggest that whenever you can, reduce the overwhelm first, then align with your goals. Right? Then you get back onto the same page with yourself, and you say, you know what? My goal is not to terrify myself. My goal is not to feel completely overwhelmed. My goal is to actually read another chapter, write another chapter, whatever it is for yourself. It's just to get back onto the page of directed, purposeful action so that you feel like you're making progress. That helps to reduce the overwhelm always. And just decide you're not gonna fight with yourself anymore, and I wanna say it's easier than you might think. If you're thinking it's really difficult, I think that's probably just a sign that you've been with this old habit of tearing yourself apart while you're trying to be productive for a long time.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:30]:
So time to reduce the overwhelm, time to try a new habit. Be kind to yourself first. Get on the same page with yourself, and then proceed. Alright. The second tip that I have for you is do just one thing to start because you've just been stalled. You just feel like you've reached a hopeless point. So now instead of thinking about the 100 other things that you have to do on your to do list and you have them, You're just gonna decide, I'm gonna treat myself kindly. I'm gonna reduce my overwhelm.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:02]:
I'm gonna select one tiny thing to get done, and I'm gonna consider this an important first step for myself. I'm going to decide what the tiny thing is, and then I'm going to proceed. And tip number 3 is how to proceed with that one item. When you pick one item, by the way, you automatically reduce your overwhelm because your brain can rest. Your brain can say, you know what? I can handle focusing on one thing. My brain was designed to do things effectively. And when we focus on one thing, we end up being more effective. We end up being clear.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:42]:
We end up not being overwhelmed. We end up saying, oh, this is a lot easier than lifting all the things at once. Should make sense there. Alright. So number 3, tip number 3, I should say, is to use a very simple model of progress, and I will share with you what this model is. It's pretty easy to remember. It's essentially think, say, do, and celebrate. So when your mind thinks about it, the it is generally your task, then you say it out loud.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:15]:
You write it down. You tell someone. You verbalize it. You make it a real thing by verbalizing, then you do it. You don't delay. You don't avoid. You don't panic. All you need to do is just to think, say, do.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:32]:
And then the 4th step, which is very, very important, is you celebrate it. I found that people tend to continue feeling like they've stalled or they're procrastinating or they're failing simply because they forgotten the 4th step to celebrate, and I don't want you to do that. I want you to make this really easy switch in your habit if you are frustrated with your level of progress or rate of progress at this time. I want you to do something small. I want you to think it, say it, do it, and then I want you to make sure you treat yourself with a celebration. It doesn't have to be a thing that you do, but it has to be a celebration. You have to feel excited that you completed this item because that's gonna complete the cycle of progress, and you will feel then, oh, I've marked the progress for myself. And guess what happens when you mark progress? Your brain and body then are much more inclined to continue on with you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:38]:
Instead of saying, we're done now, your brain and body are both excited that you're celebrating, and they are on board with another celebration for you. They are ready to help you do the next thing. So a very simple model of progress, think, say, do, and celebrate. Alright. The 4th tip that I have for you is to look at your tendency to lean towards the negative. If you're telling yourself I've stalled, then I want you to think to yourself, what does this mean for me to see myself as being stalled? And, generally, I think when people get stalled, they start doing other things with themselves. They start calling themselves nasty names or becoming super frustrated or irritated with themselves and feeling scared. I think when we feel like we can't move or we haven't done anything or we've wasted our time, It can be a little bit frightening.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:38]:
So I want you to say to yourself, maybe up to this point, I've been leaning negatively more than I need to. Maybe I need to take a different kind of perspective. Maybe a more neutral, objective viewpoint will help me to avoid feeling like I'm stalled periodically. Maybe I should try to think like doctor Li does on the podcast or like my coach or my therapist or my friend does, somebody who is not you, somebody neutral and objective observer, maybe even your car mechanic. I was thinking about that when I was thinking about what to say on this episode, and I was thinking about the car mechanic because it's likely that your car mechanic, when it's looking at your stalled engine, is not gonna freak out. Right? The car mechanic, man or woman, is going to say, It looks like the engine is not working because of x, y, and z. Let's do a, b, and c. So in the car mechanic model, no complaints are necessary.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:47]:
No name calling is necessary. No frustration is necessary. It's just a review of what the situation is and then a quick assessment of what the potential solutions, the doable, reasonable solutions might be. It's just all a simple transaction. No stalling out needed. So pretend you're a car mechanic. Pretend you're a diagnoser. Pretend you're a psychologist.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:16]:
Pretend you're me if you need to borrow my voice and my mindset for a few minutes. No worries at all. Feel free. Lots of people do this. Lots of my clients say they have my voice in their head, and that is fine by me if it helps. Certainly, feel free to do that. But tip number 4, as a reminder, is to check your tendency to lean negative if that happens to be true for you or about you. Tip number 5 is something a little more radical, I would say, and I would say this is something that I believe anybody can do if they really try, and that is to decide that there really is no such thing as being stalled.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:58]:
So that's why it's a radical tip because it's really challenging your whole belief system because are you actually stalled, or are you just pausing? Are you just deciding you need a break? Are you just stopping for a minute before you really get going, before you throw yourself into your work more powerfully? I believe there's no such thing as stalled energy because energy moves. Energy zips around. Energy is looking for the next space to move into. That's my understanding of energy anyway. So try this belief on for size and see if it helps you. There's no such thing as stalled, and then you decide what's next. What's my one small item? How do I reduce my overwhelm? How do I do a simple model of getting this done? Think, say, do, celebrate. How do I avoid leaning negative in this situation? And how do I remind myself there's no such thing as my being stalled? I hope you really enjoyed these tips.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:08]:
I really enjoyed sharing them with you in this episode, and I wanna share with you that I have another free download for this episode, and this will help you to remind you that you've always got options, that you can always restart, and that's why I've called this download the restart download. You can get it at maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/restart. Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/restart, and I look forward to sharing more tips and tricks and inspiration with you next week. Thanks so much for being here. You inspire me. Take care. Go get them.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:58]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any