6 Powerful Strategies for Managing Major Life Shifts Successfully

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Hi, and welcome back to the Make Time For Success podcast. This is episode number 188. Are you about to embark upon a major life transition or shift or breakthrough? If that is you, this episode was created for you. In this episode, I've got 6 transformative strategies that will help you to navigate these major life transitions with grace and with self assurance. And wouldn't that be nice? It's gonna be wonderful to approach your major life changes with a sense that you have a vision, that you have tools to calm your nervous system, that you have all the power within yourself that you need to make it a successful outcome. I'm so excited to share these tips with you. Let's go listen to the episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:01]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time For Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:47]:
Hello there. Thanks for being with me. Today, I am interested in talking about the topic of how to prepare for big changes in your life. And I just came up with the title of this episode before the content, and I thought, let me just take this where it's gonna take us. The first thought I had was that everyone has different kinds of changes in their life. But 2 that come to mind are when we desire to make a big change, like, we wanna shift an old habit to a new habit, that is something that we choose to do. But there are, of course, situations in our lives where we don't really have that much of a choice. We're needing to undergo a big shift because someone has requested that of us or circumstances have changed in our lives.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:44]:
So the example that comes to mind is when you have to perhaps shift a job role even though you've gotten very used to the one that you've been doing for many years. All of a sudden, you're in a different department or you've had to switch companies, something like that. So how do we get to build ourselves up so that we can handle the adjustment really well? That is basically the reason why I'm putting these thoughts together today, to make sure that you have a set of strategies that you can rely on if you happen to be in the middle of a big change or you're interested in making one in your own life to improve your situation, which I'm happy to help out with. Alright. So I'm gonna just say before I list the ideas that I have, that there's so many different ways that you can nurture your brain and body to prepare yourself for big change. I think the key really is to avoid overwhelm, to avoid over worrying, to avoid overthinking, all the overages. We wanna just get used to feeling in a calmer state where our nervous system is regulated, where we're feeling like we can breathe regularly, where we're feeling like we have full access to our brain's power and to our instincts and our gut reactions because those are always gonna be helpful as we navigate our way through big change, big decisions, big adjustments. Alright.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:26]:
Now on to the list of tips. The first idea that I have is I would love for you to create your vision about how the big change is going to go. I think you've heard me talk about setting your big vision if you've been a longtime listener of the show. But if you're relatively new to the show or you wanna hear more about setting a big vision, I think it's such an important topic because you wanna predict, you wanna set the stage for how you wanna feel at the end of this process. Instead of worrying and instead of getting really nervous about how you're gonna start making this change or how you're gonna survive the transition, I think a much better way to spend your time is to start envisioning all the wonderful things that you can do once you've arrived. So you wanna ask yourself things like, if I wanna be stronger in this situation, how would I do that? And then you wanna envision yourself arriving at the finish line, having checked off all those boxes, having had all those conversations, having done all the steps to make sure that you arrive at your destination feeling really mighty and really strong. You can also ask yourself for the things that you're desiring at the finish line. Is it more income? Is it more energy? Is it having more friends? Is it being a better reader? Whatever it is for you, create that vision so that you have something to work towards instead of thinking or feeling that you are just moving into the unknown.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:09]:
Because, really, you're gonna end up somewhere, and you're gonna adjust to that situation. So why not get a head start? Why not eliminate the start up worry that you might be feeling by just designing a wonderful picture for what's about to happen. So that's tip 1, create your positive and very big vision for what's gonna happen with the change. The second idea I have for you is to have a conversation between your current self and that future self that has already succeeded. You want to get the scoop from the person who's already landed, that part of you that already knows how it feels. And you wanna speak backwards in time, if you can imagine this kind of arrangement and conversation. You wanna speak backward with the future self advising you, what do you need to do to make this path a success? You also wanna ask your future self, what is the one thing I can do today to make this whole process go more smoothly, go the way it's supposed to, go the way that I desire, and go in a way that's advantageous to me. And if this feels silly, so be it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:32]:
It's okay for us to try things that feel silly, especially if they're gonna give us really good information about what we can predict is going to be useful for us. Right? It's so much better to go looking for clues to our success instead of feeling like our hands are tied. Somebody asked us to do something, and now we're chained, we have no options, it's so much better to just put yourself in a position of power vis a vis the change that you need to do. So always elevate yourself. Always elevate your mindset, your energy, and the quality of your thoughts so that you're never really feeling sunk or vulnerable or passive in your life. Because you're anything but a passive player in your life. You're actually the player in your life. So start positioning yourself in every situation as the main player, as the decision maker, as the person who gets to set the vision and have all these silly conversation with your future self.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:40]:
And by the way, I don't think these conversations are silly at all. I think they're actually very wise to do. Alright. The third strategy that I have for you is to really take a close look at what you might be afraid of because newness tends to generate a little bit of anxiety or a lot of anxiety. So that gives you an opportunity to learn about yourself, to learn about your environment, to learn about the situation. Because our fears are pretty much like thumbtacks or arrows pointing at what you need to know and what you might need to focus on and what you might need to get rid of or dispose of or to just heal from. Okay? So, typically, when I work with clients and students, I hear certain words over and over again, and those words tend to be things like, I feel frustrated or I I'm too overwhelmed to think clearly or to use my time well, I don't feel like I have enough energy, or I feel like the situation is hopeless. So, again, to review the words I'm hearing is frustration, overwhelm, lack of energy, and feelings of hopelessness.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:55]:
And those are things and states of being that can really generate a lot of fear, heavy fear, like fear of failure, fear of things not working out, fear that you're gonna be stuck in a situation that is gonna take your life in a direction you do not wanna go in. And I do not want you to be in that kind of mind state because it's pessimistic, because you're predicting a negative future for yourself. And if you know how I teach, you know that I'm always leaning positively. And I'm doing that on purpose because I feel like when we do lean positive, we get to see the environment for what it is, full of opportunities, full of options that we can take advantage of and maximize and be aware of instead of hiding out in fear. So always choose to look your fear straight on. Don't be afraid of your fear. I know it seems counterintuitive. Like, we're supposed to be afraid of our fears, but you can actually flip that whole idea on its head and decide, you know what? The next time I feel a twinge of fear, I'm gonna get curious instead of getting scared.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:13]:
I think you're gonna find that it's much more empowering to do that, and you're gonna get a lot more useful information when you just take a breath and you decide to look that fear straight on for what it is and then figure out a way around the fear. Figure out a way to quiet the fear. Figure out a way to make fun of the fear. Figure out a way to normalize the fear because, yes, it is normal to get nervous about things that you've never done before, things like perhaps getting married or having your first kid or having your second kid because everything you're doing for the first time is the first time. It's okay to get a little bit anxious, but don't let that anxiety and fear steer you in a negative thinking, a negative predicting direction. I just think it's not worth it. It's not useful. And I'm gonna give you another tip here.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:10]:
Instead of veering towards the negative future, decide I'm gonna transform my fear into pure love. This is a strategy that I learned many, many years ago. I'm thinking, like, 2 decades ago, to turn fear into love because the opposite of fear is love. Love is when your heart is open. Love is when you can give to other people. Love is when you're not thinking about what you're afraid of. You're feeling all the beauty in the world, in other people, in yourself. That is love.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:46]:
So if you're finding yourself fearing something, like, let's say, a job change, you can say to yourself, you know what? I'm going to show my current situation love. I'm going to say my thanks to my coworkers. I'm gonna be so grateful for the time that I had at this job. And I'm really looking forward to seeing what this new position has in store for me. I'm gonna look at this as a loving opportunity that I've been given instead of something that is heavily stressful or going to be really daunting or time consuming. You just wanna see where can I turn my fear into something that can support me rather than hold me back and tear me down? Remember always to just get yourself out of a negative energy state because you'll find you'll have much more power when you do. Alright. We're on to strategy number 4.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:44]:
I would love for you, in the face of a big chain, to take high value action. And that is a term that I've coined lately to just teach my students about how to use their time. Typically, we all have a bunch of things on our to do list. So I want you to learn how to identify quickly what is my high value action. And that means, what is the action that when you do it, will get you through to a point of ease? Generally, our highest value actions come accompanied with a lot of resistance. By that, I mean, you're afraid. You don't wanna do it. You would rather do anything else.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:31]:
You feel avoidant about doing it. So maybe it is, let's see. I don't wanna go blank at this moment. But, let's say you're moving to a new town, and the thing that you really don't wanna do is figure out something about the school system. So I'm just making this up as I go. And the thing is, once you get familiar with the school system and what is offered there, you have all of this information. You will be so much more informed about where you're going. You're gonna be able to picture how you're gonna fit in into this new community and how perhaps your children or future children are going to fare in this community because you've decided, I'm gonna do the investigation.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:20]:
I'm going to do the research. I'm gonna ask the other family members, what's it like to live here, and what is the school district like? You're gonna get over your own resistance. And then when you do that, everything else will feel that much easier. And that's what I mean by high value action. There's always something that will act like a domino and knock all the other things down right away in a very positive, flowing, you're gonna be fine kind of way. It's that point in your move to a different town. It's been a long time since I've moved houses, but, you know, there is a time in any transition where you know in your heart of hearts that things are gonna be okay, that you've made it through. And I think taking high value action pretty much ensures that you feel knowledgeable and you feel prepared and you feel informed, and those are really good things to be.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:21]:
Alright. Tip number 5, always assume that you're gonna get a positive outcome. Again, always assume that you're gonna end up with a positive outcome. So, again, big changes can create huge fears, and rightly so because it's involving big shifts and transformations and adjustments and expenses and phone calls and nerves and all that stuff. But we can still, with all of that, decide that we're going to opt for a positive outcome. When you look back on your life, all the major events that you've had to go through, the stressful ones, the joyful ones, the unexpected ones, I think, for the most part, you're gonna find that everything in some way, everything has turned out for the best. Everything has happened for you. Everything has ended up giving you some positive results and allowing you to live a better life because you've made it through that transition.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:33]:
And sometimes when you're going through life's transitions, it can be almost impossible to see the positive outcome, the positive side of what you're going through because it feels so stressful, but none of us can really know what our outcomes are gonna be ahead of time. But why not assume that everything is gonna work out positively? Since we all don't know, for sure, I think it's safe to say that when you assume that everything is going to work out, things are more likely to work out for you because you're already orienting yourself and your communication and your predictions and all your preparations for a positive outcome. What comes to mind is thinking about planning for a wedding. It's a big event. It's a big transformation. There are a lot of things that could go wrong, But we assume that the end event is gonna be magical, beautiful, memorable, just what everybody hoped for. And I've counseled lots of people through the wedding phase of their lives, and I always get to sit in the very easy chair of the therapist's and coach's chair where I know that things are gonna work out because weddings do. Because the point isn't really the big party, although that's fun and has to happen.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:00]:
But the important thing is the union. The important thing is the families getting together. The important thing is the celebration, and that's all assumed because a wedding is happening. So remember to prioritize getting a positive outcome. It will never hurt you to do that. The last tip that I have for you is number 6. This one is a little bit different than the others, I'd say. But it's something that I try to abide by as often as I can.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:33]:
The 6th tip is to assume 100% responsibility for the things that are going to happen. This can be particularly tricky when you're in the middle of a big life change or you've decided to take on a big shift for yourself because part of us wants to just not be responsible. Right? We want to blame it on the movers. We wanna blame it on the neighbors. We wanna blame it on anybody else but ourselves sometimes. But the tricky trick trick is that you wanna assume a 100% responsibility because that actually gives you full power to make things go just the way you want them to go, that you end up having maximum flexibility, maximum oversight, maximum envisioning power over how you want things to be when you assume 100% responsibility for the project, for the shift, for the wedding planning. Anything, you can fill in the x for yourself. And, again, this may be unfamiliar to you because you may be in the habit of thinking, you know what? We're all in community, and we're all sharing responsibility, things like that.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:47]:
We've been taught to live in community, fortunately, and we certainly do. But sometimes, I think we're not taught the importance of being able to assume 100% responsibility for our own actions. 100% responsibility for my actions over the years, I have learned that instead of it being terrifying and feeling like every burden is mine to worry about, I end up feeling, wow, I have such creative power over how this gets to go, how I get to feel, how I get to treat other people. And, of course, I'm gonna wanna treat other people well because I'm responsible for the people that I'm working with in some very important way, in many important ways. So just reflect on this last tip, the assume 100% responsibility tip, because I would love for you to figure out a way to fit it into your own life process. Figure out how to fit it into your big plans for your next big change. Decide for yourself. You know what? It's safe for me to be the boss here.

Dr. Christine Li [00:22:05]:
It's safe for me to have needs. It's safe for me to give other people instructions and give them proper guidance and be a really great manager of a team that's helping me through this big change. It's really gonna show you all the different parts of yourself, and it's gonna elevate you to a higher position in your own life. It's just a relationship between you and you, and that's actually your most important relationship, right, after all. Alright. So to review all of these tips that you can try on and use right away if you happen to be in the middle of a big summer change or a big change, The first one is create your vision. Always think really, really big, bigger than you can even tolerate sometimes. 2, remember to interview your future self and really try to intuit what you're going to need to succeed from that conversation.

Dr. Christine Li [00:23:05]:
3, check-in with your fears. What are they trying to tell you? What are they denoting? How can you investigate and interview your fears? How can you explore your fears so that you can learn to do without them next time around? The 4th tip is to take high value action. There's always some priority action that's gonna get you a big bang for your buck. I think that's the way to use that phrase. Number 5 is to assume that you're gonna get a great result, a positive outcome. That's always yours to envision and yours to wish for. And I think wishing for that kind of outcome helps. It certainly helps more than mindless, endless worry.

Dr. Christine Li [00:23:48]:
And the last tip is to practice assuming 100% responsibility for everything that is going on in your life and in the change. Alright? I do believe this set of tips will help you to enjoy yourself during the change, to help you be kinder to yourself during the change, to help you have your eyes and ears open during the change. And whatever change you're going through, I wish you, of course, the very best. I think you've gotten that through my messages during this podcast episode. Thank you so much for listening. I have created a worksheet around the topics that I've discussed. All you need to do to get this worksheet is to go to https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/bigchange. Again, it's https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/bigchange.

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:47]:
Thanks so much again for being here. Enjoy this beautiful summer that we've got going here. Stay cool, and I will see you next week when the next episode drops. Bye.

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:59]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, make time for success podcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:39]:
Talk to you

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:43]:
soon.