Achieving Goals with Ease: Embrace the Be-Do-Have Mindset

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:01]:
to the Make Time For Success podcast. This is episode number 184. We will be talking all about how to achieve success and how to speed up the process that you need to take to create the identity that you want to occupy in your own life. We're gonna talk about all of these things in this episode. This episode was inspired by a question submitted by one of our very own podcast listeners. And the discussion that we'll be having inside this episode will be about the be, do, have framework for success. It is something that I was taught many years ago, something that I've applied in my own life with great success, and something that I really am anxious to share with you so that you can apply it in your own life too. It will be fully explained in this episode, and I've created a free downloadable worksheet for you to use after you've listened to this episode so that you can apply this wonderful be, do, have framework in your life too.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:13]:
All you need to do to get the free downloadable worksheet is go to https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/bedohave. Again, it's https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/bedohave. Now it's time for us to go listen to this episode.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:33]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time For Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:25]:
Hi there. I'm really excited to get going with this particular episode because I'm going to try something new. I'm gonna be answering a question from one of our podcast listeners who happens to be a client, a very beloved client, and a recent participant in my free 5 day challenge called reenergize your home. It was a declaring challenge, and this client submitted the question invite our Facebook group for the challenge, and she gave me permission to share the question so we could make a full podcast episode out of the content because the content is so very good. So I'm gonna go ahead and read the question now. She wrote, Christine Lee, I have a question. I have gathered all kinds of clutter, books I purchase wanting to read. The good thing is many are on a Kindle, no clutter.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:26]:
But sometimes I will purchase books maybe at a thrift store. Through this challenge, I donated crafts not started or completed, red plastic dishes I purchased after reading that seeing red is a signal to the brain to stop. Still in bag with receipt. My question, can you talk about the psychology of purchasing items, hoping I slash we will be that person who reads books, uses what I have purchased, joins a gym, and then doesn't go. That's not me, but is a common example. Purchasing items to set myself up for success and goes nowhere. It's like I want to be a person who has healthy habits, who reads regularly, exercises daily, cleans home just a bit daily, meal plans and cooks. Why do I purchase things that quickly turn to clutter hoping to be a person who, in quotes? Does that make sense? And I love this question.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:32]:
I think it is a relevant question, a 100% relatable to, I think, most everyone because I do think everyone at some point or another has purchased something wishing to be a user of that item and then having that item fall into the clutter pile. And it's human. It's totally fine. But let's get to the bottom of this. I know that once I read this question inside the Facebook group, I felt my heart leap. I felt like I was immediately ready to answer the question and answer the call because I had already been taught the answer to the question. So I will explain. When we struggle to be something, like a reader, we are acting in the have, do, be model.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:28]:
Let me explain. When we want to be a reader, we think we have to have a book to do the reading, and then we will be a reader. It's the have, do, be model where the end destination is our being the identity that we wish to occupy, the reader, the runner, the high performer, the great cook, whatever you have in your heart and your imagination, that's that end state. And we believe we have to have something in order to travel that path, to do something so that we can be that identity, so we could have all the benefits, all the great feelings, all the great moods of the person who is the reader, the person who is being the identity that we are striving for. Makes sense? Hopefully, it does. Sometimes it can be a little complicated to explain this. But if you think about this a little bit more, we think, oh, I must have money. I must have good lucks.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:38]:
I must have tremendous talent. I must have the right perfect opportunity. I must be a certain age before I can drive to do this and actually succeed, before I can actually be happy. Because let's face it, most every goal has a goal attached to it of being happy. Everything that we want to be, we wanna do it because of a certain feeling attached to it. And, generally, most of us are picking happiness as that feeling that we want to achieve. But notice that in the have, do, be version or framework, we need to possess things. We need to have this whole journey before we can feel like we've arrived and we've achieved the identity.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:31]:
And there is this idea that there's some sort of stress or strain or striving or whole process of laboring that goes with wanting to achieve something. So the way to make this whole process go a little bit more smoothly, quickly, and easily is to flip the model totally the other way around. So that ends up being the be, do, have model. And the be, do, have model or framework has you being the person that you're striving to be at the beginning. So if you want to have the mindset and the mood and all the things that a successful person does, then you have to be like that at the beginning. You have to occupy that identity first. You wanna take on the identity that you are striving for. So you be, and then you do the behaviors of that person, and then you have what you like.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:48]:
The easiest way to describe the be, do, have model is if you're wanting to be happy, then act happily. Be the happy person that you want to be, that you're striving to be, even if you have no reason to or even if you believe you have no reason to because I believe we all have lots of reasons to be happy. So back to the book question. The answer for my wonderful podcast listener friend and client is we wanna be the reader first. Because when you're being a reader instead of wanting to be a reader, things become much easier. All it takes is one book to satisfy that identity piece that my audience member was looking for. All you need is a few small instances of you behaving in the way that you want to, that identity way that you want to, for you to understand what it's like to be that kind of person. You have to act consistently in that mindset, in that framework, in that lifestyle.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:05]:
And if you wanna be a reader, the answer is to get one book and start reading. It's as simple as that. When you do, magically, what happens? The clutter goes away because you will be accountable to yourself. When you say you wanna read, you will then have a book to read and you will start reading. There's no wishing. There's no time lapse or gap between buying the book and reading the book. There's no conflict about who are you really, are you a reader or are you not a reader, because you've decided at the get go, at the start, that you are a reader. You will just be the reader.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:51]:
No complication, no neurosis about it, no guilt about spending a lot of money on books because you're a reader. You'll be reading the book. And if you really reflect on the be do have model and what it offers us, you will understand that it is huge. It is very important to understand, and it can be a true game changer for you too. But first, you have to understand it, and I hope you do from my quick explanation of the have, do, be model and then the be, do, have model. And then 2, you have to put it into practice. You have to take action. You have to adopt the mindset of the person that you think you aren't yet.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:38]:
And I wanna argue that all of you are already successful, but you might be blocking the feeling of being successful. Are already. So one of the ways to activate and take advantage of the be, do, have model is to start clearing away the roadblocks, all the false stories that you have about yourself. Like, for instance, that you're not a reader or that you're not consistent or you're not talented enough or you're not tall enough, something like that. All of these are just stories that we're telling ourselves to keep ourselves safe, to keep ourselves in our comfort zone, to keep ourselves not exploring different identities when, in reality, all the identities that are available in this world, in this universe, are available for you to explore. That's a beautiful framework as well. So when you do adopt the be, do, have model or even experiment with it, even as baby steps kind of experimentation, you will find that the results that you wish for and that you're aiming for are easier to achieve, And you'll find that you'll have far less resistance because you won't be afraid to move forward because you don't feel that stress has to be part of the equation. Instead of feeling like getting your master's a I've already got this accomplished.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:27]:
This is a done deal. This is assumed that I am gonna graduate from this master's program, and I'm going to proceed as if this is easy for me, as if this is already in my pocket, and I'm gonna enjoy the entire path that this master's program has provided for me to travel. That is such a healthy way to go through things that are challenging, things that are new, things that are different, things that are exploratory. So I'm just gonna suggest that everyone listening who is already success minded because you've picked this podcast to spend your time with, I want you to try this out. Do something today where you feel like instead of putting on the, you know, oh, this is gonna be difficult and bracing yourself, I want you to try feeling like you're free, you're intelligent, you're so talented, you're so motivated, and you're so beyond ready to get this new thing that you've been hoping for and wishing for and just go for it and see how things feel differently because they really will. They'll feel likely lighter, easier, and just a bit more like, this was a no brainer. You'll get that feeling more often now that you've used this be, do, have model. So my conversation with my lovely follower and client and friend and podcast listener went on.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:02]:
And she continued writing in the Facebook group, and she asked, so is it like I be a triathlete? And I thought about it, and I responded, you know what? You already are a triathlete because I I know her quite well. And so I suggested, since you're already a triathlete, is there something else that you're striving for? For instance, might you wanna be a 1st place triathlete, like a triathlete that wins a first place prize or award. And she said, oh, no. I get it. Again, she's writing, and she's saying, I'm actually striving to be a reader. I can be a reader. And I said, exactly. You have it exactly right.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:51]:
So we use the be, do, have model. When there's something that we haven't yet achieved but we are striving for and we know it's within our ability. We know it's just around the corner. We know it's in our grasp. And instead of waiting to do all these steps and become this person, we just decide, easy peasy. I've arrived already. I'm gonna do everything that I need to to live, act, and be as the person I want to be. So I think that brings my discussion and explanation of this somewhat difficult thing to explain.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:34]:
I think I've come to the end of the explanation, and I hope you, dear listener, really got a lot out of this. I hope I explained things as clearly as I needed to and clearly enough so that you could really understand it. I suggest that you relisten to this episode if you need to to really let it sink in and to really get yourself motivated to try this if you need some extra motivation. But, of course, you can be the person who experiments with things just because you hear it on a podcast. So relisten to this episode if you need to. Of course, share it out with your loved ones if you feel like they could use a boost or a little bit of coaching in this kind of way. And continue to teach yourself the idea of stress free or stress less productivity because it's something that you can really learn to love. I know I have loved it over the years.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:29]:
It's saved me so much time, energy, and agony. I so appreciate learning this kind of mindset material because it just brings you more and more good things in your life. And you won't have that feeling of dissatisfaction that sometimes comes when you're just constantly striving and never really feeling like you've arrived. I am excited to try out more of these audience inspired episodes, and, actually, I'm about to record another one for next week's episode. So I can't wait to share that one with you too. Please come back next week, and I'll see you again on the Make Time For Success podcast. Thanks so much for being here.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:15]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name Coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to, and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.