Breaking the Cycle of Disappointment: A New Approach to Habits and Weight Management with Rita Black

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 227. This is an amazing conversation with my friend and colleague, Rita Black. It's amazing because Rita is so amazing. She very openly shares lots of details about her history and her understanding of her past experiences and struggles with her weight and with smoking. We also get to hear the success story that she is because she overcame both of those struggles with the help of hypnosis and with her own awareness of the power she had within herself to create change. And we're going to talk in this episode about lots of different topics, including jet lag, because we both shared jet lag while recording this episode. But also, we talked about procrastination, self compassion, and the journey that people can take to move from feeling like they're struggling to feeling like they're more of an apprentice in their lives to a point where they feel like they are a master in their lives.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:21]:
Let's go listen to this episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:29]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:13]:
Hello, my friends. Again, it is Dr. Li. And today, I am rejoined by my amazing friend and my amazing colleague and mentor, Rita Black. I know that some of you know her very well. Our audiences really are friendly with each other. I think the people who tend to like my work tend to like Rita's work as well. And Rita

Rita Black [00:02:37]:
has been happy family, Christine. Yes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:39]:
Yes. Yes. We've crafted a a big family. And Rita has indeed been on this podcast a couple times before, and she's always an amazing guest, authority, and teacher, and describer of the human experience. And we thought together that we would just create another episode. And today, we thought we would focus on the topic of starting things tomorrow and putting things off until tomorrow and promising ourselves that we're gonna do things tomorrow. This was Rita's idea. I loved it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:17]:
And I just wanna say welcome to the show again, Rita.

Rita Black [00:03:20]:
Well, I'm so happy to be here. You know, I Christina and I were joking about our mutual jet lag, and, I'm getting over a double cold, which I I never get sick. But anyway so if you'll excuse my voice, I'm a little raspy, but I'm always happy to be here with you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:39]:
Thank you for being here with us. Rita is an expert in many things. She is a clinical hypnotist. She is a weight management expert as well as a smoking cessation expert. And she's just devoted her career to helping people understand mindset, understand their habits, understand their predicaments that they might be caught in. And she's just such a loving way of working with people and understanding how people have gotten themselves into situations that might be complicated, that they might need support through. So, Rita, can you give us for those of you who are new to Rita, I would love Rita to kind of describe some of the background of how you got into the helping profession and the work that you do.

Rita Black [00:04:41]:
Well, thank you. Yeah. So I like Christine said, I I I help people with weight and smoking because I struggled desperately with my weight for many years, up and down the scale, 40 pounds, and I was a pack and a half a day smoker. And for me, I lived in this horrible world, and and this is why I wanted to talk about starting over again tomorrow is is both with smoking and with weight management. I was always, like, you know, throwing a pack of cigarettes away and then buying another one, you know, that night. You know? Throw them away in the morning. Buy them at night. Oh, I'll stop on Monday.

Rita Black [00:05:24]:
You know? And the same thing with, like, going on a diet for three days or until the weekend, and it's like, I'll start again tomorrow. And I lived in this world where I felt very powerless because I felt that impulse and to to you know, I didn't feel like I could take ownership of change. So I did hypnosis originally to stop smoking, and I stopped in one session. And for me, after many, many, many years of smoking and trying to quit and, like I said, starting again, I left that session and I felt free. And it wasn't magic. It wasn't voodoo. It wasn't like it was a spell that was put on me. It was I could actually feel my own mind making the change.

Rita Black [00:06:17]:
So it wasn't like the hypnotherapist did it to me. It's like, I came really wanting to stop smoking, which is a prerequisite, by the way. You can't make somebody quit smoking if they don't want to. But I really truly wanted the change, and hypnosis allowed my subconscious mind, because our subconscious mind really resists change, allowed my subconscious mind to o be open to those suggestions that I could be a nonsmoker and let it go. So after that experience and and, you know, I was thrilled with the fact that I was finally free of this, what I called my part time job, because I was always standing outside smoking a cigarette. And I I I at one you know, Christina, it's so funny. I I figured out at one point you know, because you think about the cost of cigarettes. The cost of cigarettes when I quit were they were, like, $5, 6 dollars because I quit, you know, thirty years ago over thirty years ago now.

Rita Black [00:07:11]:
I mean, and now they're $15, but they were $5 a pack. So, you know, you add that up plus you add the time. So I I was thinking, like, even if I was, like, making $20 an hour, 20 5, I was thinking, like, that's $40,000 a year. It adds up really, really fast. Your time does. You know? And I know you talk a lot about time, and you think about what the value of your time is. My my daughter is reading this book. I think it's called maybe you've heard of it.

Rita Black [00:07:38]:
It's called, like, four thousand four hundred weeks or something. It's about, like, how many weeks you live.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:44]:
Yep. Yeah. I know the I know the book. Yep. I started it. I couldn't finish it, but I I did start it. It wasn't it wasn't a book that I preferred. But

Rita Black [00:07:54]:
Yeah. Yeah. You know, my my my daughter said, you're not gonna like the book, mom, because it's it's about relaxing and taking it easy and, you know, because I love what I do and I'm always working. And she's like, I don't think I want you to read this book. I was like, okay. Anyway, I'm not gonna read this book yet. But, yeah, when we think of our time and we think of the value of our time. So anyway, I after I became an on smoker, I was like, wow.

Rita Black [00:08:23]:
Maybe if my I I kinda figured it out. I was like, I knew everything about, like, dieting. I knew how to lose weight. I knew how to exercise. I knew all of those things, which most people who struggle with their weight are experts. You know? They know how to feed themselves. They know how to lose 10 pounds. But it's that consistency piece.

Rita Black [00:08:44]:
And I realized, oh, well, maybe there's something going on subconsciously that's really resisting the change. And so I started using hypnosis as a way to start to create a new way of communicating with myself, to work with old with habits and beliefs that were kinda keeping me struggling, which which I I think we really don't think a lot about. You know, we're really usually, we're struggling with our weight. We're externally focused. We're externally focused on finding the next solution that's outside of us because we don't believe in ourselves enough because we think we're a failure. So the truth is, and I know you know this, Christine, because this is really what you do too, is like the change work, even though you're cleaning your desk, the change is happening in you. It's not, you know, getting your desk sparkling clean, although that is a benefit. And the same thing with releasing weight is like it's the change you make within yourself and the way you communicate with yourself that creates the long term lasting change.

Rita Black [00:09:45]:
So, yeah, that's how I'm I'm here today. I've I've been working and doing what I do. I I I released 40 pounds, and I've kept those off for thirty years. I'm 60 years old. I feel better today than I did when I was 25 and desperately struggling with my weight physically. Well, except for having this cold. But, you know, mentally, emotionally, I mean, you know, everybody's like, oh my gosh. You know, so great that you are at your ideal weight.

Rita Black [00:10:10]:
And I was like, yeah, the weight part is good. Absolutely never would ever deny that, but it's really that relationship that I had to develop with myself. But once you say, like, in order to keep the weight off, and it's so fulfilling. Right? Like, it's so amazing. And what do you say for yourself in your world of procrastination and time management, energy management?

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:34]:
Yeah. For those of you who are not watching us on video, if you're not on YouTube right now, I just put my hand on my chest, on my heart because what Rita the way Rita is talking and sharing so personally her experience, I real I really resonate that the external benefits of knowing how to use your time, knowing how to make decisions, knowing how to trust yourself are all great, but nothing really quite compares with how this whole opening up process and the feeling of trusting yourself and being able to rely on yourself feels. It it really is a dramatic shift from that experience that you so powerfully described as not allowing yourself to feel like you could change anything. It's it's a world of difference, and it's massive. And I love how you bridged the smoking story to the weight story that you kind of borrowed that awareness that you had that power within yourself to create new patterns of behavior and new attitudes and new realities for yourself with food and weight, which is amazing.

Rita Black [00:11:46]:
Yeah. Thank you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:48]:
Very powerful.

Rita Black [00:11:50]:
I mean, I think every transformation starts with an identity shift. Right? And, you know, for years and and this is what I see with everybody who struggles with their weight. They see themselves as a weight struggler. And we get kinda stuck in that world. It's a real world we create, and it's very self punishing and self abusive and self sabotaging. And we blame ourselves, we see ourselves as the victim and the abuser. And, you know, we play all those roles. But it's like when I became a nonsmoker, I kind of you because that is such a black and white, like, it I I'm not you know, when people I have this LA practice that it it you know, now that I've really moved online mostly, I I but I still love seeing people.

Rita Black [00:12:45]:
So I I'll see people once a week, and I saw some smokers this weekend. And this guy came in on Saturday morning, and he was, like, petrified about stopping smoking. But he's like, I really, really want to. I really, really want to, but I just don't see how I'm gonna be able to do this. Like, I hang out with smokers. We smoke. That's who we are. And I was like, yeah.

Rita Black [00:13:07]:
I totally understand. But, you know, like, think about when you went to you know, you were just in Portugal. I just went to Spain. And you step off the plane and you're a tourist, but you're, you know, you step into this identity of, like, oh, I'm in Spain, and I'm in it and it's like this. You know? And it's a different world. It's like a different paradigm. Your brain kinda steps into it. I mean, that's different, but, like, I use the analogy of getting married.

Rita Black [00:13:33]:
Right? Like, one second, you're a single person, and then you say I do, and then you're a married person, and you step into that identity. And now you're married. And in that second, you see the world differently, you act differently, your commitments are different. Or when you have a child or when you, you know, you were talking about your PhD program, when you step in and and you say, okay. I'm gonna get my PhD and or you get your hood. You know? That's huge. And and you can do that. The brain will go there really fast.

Rita Black [00:14:02]:
It will shift identities. And so smoker to nonsmoker and nonsmoker smoker to nonsmoker is such a fast change, black and white. You know? So it's powerful. And and the shift from what I call weight struggle to weight, you know, like, I like to use an idea of an apprentice where you're in no learning mode because I think long term permanent weight mastery is really a learning journey. But it's not as like, people are like, so you can stop help somebody stop smoking one session. You know? What about weight? And I was like, well, it's it's so much more layered. I mean, we start eating the second we're born. Nobody puts a cigarette in your mouth and lights it up, you know, the second you're born.

Rita Black [00:14:47]:
So we usually smoke I mean, look, I've worked with smokers who have smoked for sixty years, but, you know, we usually our emotional layering with food, our habitual layering with food and exercise. And and and even especially, Christine, I know you're younger than me, but as women growing up in a certain time, we, you know, we we've we learned to put our worth on our weight. You know? Like, it became a part of how we value ourselves.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:18]:
Well, certainly, that was part of the social messaging. Yes. Absolutely. Very powerfully. So Yeah.

Rita Black [00:15:24]:
And I don't know if your mom gave you any messaging or your dad, you know I I my my dad didn't, but my my mom gave me I mean, my mom struggled with her weight. So

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:35]:
I would say that that was not part of my history, but that doesn't mean that my history was free from food conflict because I actually had, later on in life, a gluten sensitivity, which was just a perhaps antibiotics cause. But it it triggered a lot of different layers that hadn't been there before. I think in terms of having food be very complicated, having concerns about what the food was doing to my body, all of a sudden, having all this heightened awareness of what was happening with food, how I was feeling, what was okay, not okay. And I had not been used to being overly sensitive or concerned about these things. I think I was fortunate in that way early on, but I think I also, you know, have a greater appreciation of, like, what food and a healthy relationship with eating and being able to have that for yourself, how gigantic a factor that is in a person's overall well-being. Right? Because if you've got struggle struggle. Right? Whether it's a cigarette or with Twizzlers or, you know, it's something Or

Rita Black [00:17:04]:
the mess on your desk.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:05]:
Or the mess on your desk or with time, that it's some place where you're divided, where you're feeling more vulnerable sometimes when you're feeling like things could get worse. It's it's just making things more precarious, I think. And I think what we were talking about a couple minutes ago was the the counter situation where you're feeling almost basically unstoppable, where you're feeling like you are the authority and you are the regulator and you are the decision maker and you make good decisions for yourself not based on any patterns of abuse or violation or boundary breaking or trust breaking. And and I think that's, again, huge. We're we're talking about really giant principles in in human behavior and and being human. And we're acting it out all over the place with our desk, with our food, with how we regulate or don't regulate ourselves. So Yeah. So thank you for talking about these issues in such a rich and layered way.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:22]:
Can we talk about the issue of that cycle that you were telling me about before we pressed record about, you know, the tomorrow factor. Right? You start Start over tomorrow. Yeah. Perhaps the cycle starts with the thought, let's just fix this tomorrow, or let's just do the thing we intend to do tomorrow. Can you describe that cycle?

Rita Black [00:18:45]:
Yeah. I mean, I think when I started in weight management, you know, over twenty years ago with hypnotherapy and and even with myself, I I don't even think I recognized the cycle as a cycle. Like, I I thought it was something I did. I didn't see it as something that almost everybody does, which is more of a epidemic of I think the cycle is we get to a point where we're you know, we feel bad in our body. We overeat or we, you know, gain some weight. Or pants don't fit, or, you you know, whatever. We make this decision. Okay.

Rita Black [00:19:27]:
I'm gonna go on a diet or not I know diets are, like, bad words now, so but I'm gonna, like, fast, or I'm gonna do keto, or I'm gonna do something. Take action. And we take action. And, you know, most people, like I said, who struggle with their weight, they know how to take action. They can take action. And I bet I think that impetus to go on the diet is more to control the pain and the chaos than it is to actually go on a journey of self realization and transformation. You know, it's usually out of a pain, and we wanna get out of the pain. And, you know, I'm fat.

Rita Black [00:20:04]:
Oh, I feel, oh, the summer's coming. Oh, you know, like, all the the whatever the emotional impetus is. You know, we we'll we'll hop on it because we're very good at that, and we're we we're good at starting that process. And it feels good to feel good. Right? Like, you know, I'm being good. Like, being good is, like, a little high. It's a dopamine state. It's like we see ourselves and, like, I'm in control and it feels good.

Rita Black [00:20:32]:
But the problem is then because we're in this good place, we eat something or go away for the weekend or get a little sloppy with stuff. And then that other part of our brain is like bad. This is bad. So we only know good. We only know bad. We don't know the in between world, the gray world very well. We don't operate in those worlds very well. I I mean, just in this kind of so so when we get into that bad place, that part of our brain starts the negative self speak.

Rita Black [00:21:05]:
Right? And I like to call it the inner critic. But, you know, whatever it is, it's like you blew it, you were doing so good, and now you're so bad. Right? And whatever way that plays out for you or for us. And then what happens what happens, Christine, when we start that negative self speak, we feel crappy, right? We feel like, oh, I don't like this feeling. It feels bad. We feel guilty. We feel shame. We feel like, oh, we blew it.

Rita Black [00:21:36]:
Oh, I'm back here again. Disappointment, shame, all that stuff comes flooding in. So we do something very clever. You know? We do something very clever. Right? We wanna survive this. We wanna get out of this pain. So there's this other part of our brain, what I like to call the inner rebel, but, you know, you could call it the survival tactic or whatever. It's like, well, you're so well, we'll just be good tomorrow.

Rita Black [00:22:06]:
You know? Like, you blew it already, so you might as well just start over tomorrow, and you'll be really good tomorrow. And all of a sudden, guess what? Magically, the all the self shame and all the lifts, and we get relief. And what a magical moment. Right? Like it and and guess what happens? Not only do we say, hey, kid. You're okay. You're gonna be good tomorrow. Because, you know, like, there's that promise for future action. So to the degree you're going to be good, you're not just gonna be good.

Rita Black [00:22:38]:
You're not just gonna pull it together. You're gonna be really, really, really good. You know what I mean? Like, I remember times when I was struggling with my I was like, I am not gonna eat sugar for a year. I am not gonna like, you know, like, I am getting and and I would throw I would literally throw it was like the cigarettes. I would throw all the crappy food out of my house. I would get everything oh, you're good. Be good. But how I usually threw the crappy food out of my house is I didn't put it in the trash.

Rita Black [00:23:03]:
I put it in my mouth. So because I made the promise to be good, that gives me me permission to be as bad as I wanted to to, you know, over overeat and, you know, binge, whatever, however you wanna say it, like, to the point, like, you're not even, you know, tasting the food. It's just like, let me get this in because I'm gonna be so good tomorrow, but, you know, so that I can be bad now. And then, you know, we wake up tomorrow and it's like, it's Saturday. I'm not gonna be good. I'll be good on Monday. You know, like, so so we gain back the weight and then we're back at the same place and then we're gonna go on the next thing because we're in pain again and we so so it plays out. But, you know, Christine, I know I just described something with food, but doesn't the same thing happen with procrastination, like or with like, you know, you procrastinate and then you're saying I mean, I remember this with, like, I was such a procrastinator in high school and college too.

Rita Black [00:24:05]:
Like, to the point where, you know, I would be up at 3AM. I'm sure you were too.

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:10]:
Yeah.

Rita Black [00:24:10]:
Cramming it all in for the next day. I mean, I managed to get some good grades, but, oh my gosh. Like, the pain I put myself through because I was like, I will do it tomorrow. I will write that report tomorrow. It's gonna be great, and I'm gonna be in the mood to do it tomorrow. But I will you know?

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:25]:
Well, there's I I think you and I have never as long as we've known each other and as much as we've spoken about these topics, we've never spoken about our experiences with early procrastination and and time loss. And I think when I think about that part of my life, there was so much time loss. It was almost like you're in a dissociated state that that you're not really connected with the fact that time is passing and that there might have been many possibilities for doing things in an alternative or alternate kind of way. Anything could have made things simpler or gotten us a little bit more asleep, and yet we were in there. It's like you're you're on a boat ride, and you're you're really far from the shore and that feeling. And you just brought that right back. And and the stories that you just told of the the cycle of how we're talking to ourselves, really trying to comfort ourselves from within inside the distress as the distress is mounting. You know, I I've certainly been in those situations many, many times before about food, about time, about sleep.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:40]:
You know? Can you now talk about the way to heal that system and what is required to to make that pivot, I would say, or I would ask?

Rita Black [00:25:54]:
Yeah. I mean, I would say there's the identity piece. First of all, I think often when we go on that diet to get out of the pain, we still think of ourselves as a struggler. And I think our belief like, if we asked our internal belief system, like, how much do you really think that this diet is gonna be successful? There would be a very low percentage of, like, this is really gonna be successful because it isn't really it's an, I don't know what you would call it. Like, it's an impulse. It's a, like, okay. I'm just gonna do this. I gotta get out of the pain.

Rita Black [00:26:30]:
And so it's not a long term. I'm not thinking long term. I'm thinking just manage this feeling.

Dr. Christine Li [00:26:38]:
You're you're saying that the belief is low.

Rita Black [00:26:41]:
The belief in yourself is low. So I always like to start with the, like I said, the identity. So that's why I like when we think of ourselves as, like, an apprentice of weight mastery, because I really believe that weight management is a skill set. It's not being good on something. Right? Like, it's you develop yourself. And, you know, I I studied long term permanent weight management, like studies. What were the ways people were thinking? But, really, what were they doing, being in order to manage weight? And most people who have had long term success, you know, reached what I would call a turning point where they were like, I'm letting all of that, like, the franticness go, and I am going to invest in myself. You know, like, I'm gonna invest in myself in a different way.

Rita Black [00:27:34]:
I'm not, you know, buying a spa diet. I'm not doing that's not what I mean investing. I mean, like, I'm gonna believe in myself, and I'm gonna believe, like, I can do this. Right? I might not have all the answers right now, but I I do know one thing is, like, this is, you know and and from psychological terms, you know, you would shift from, external locus of control to internal locus of control. Like, you are the one like, they're saying, I'm gonna be the boss now. The diet outside figure this out for me. And this is what happened for myself. I said, I'm not gonna diet anymore.

Rita Black [00:28:08]:
You know, I've I've gotta figure this out from the inside out. And so I made that decision, and in that developed a, what I would consider an identity, where I was willing to be a learner, where where I was willing to make a mistake. Right? Like and I'm sure you I know in from the work you do, it's like we can't be perfectionists about it. And, like, the perfectionism is killing us. Right? So we have got to we have to give up the being good. Right? Like, which as much of a high as it is, it isn't you know, a lot of progress does not look pretty. Right? So it's like trial and error. But the difference between me eating a cupcake as a learner and me eating a cupcake as a weight struggle is, like, I eat the cupcake, I blew it.

Rita Black [00:28:54]:
I don't learn anything about that moment with myself. Like, I don't learn, like, oh, I went without food for too long, and then I was in the situation where there was a cupcake and I ate it. And, you know, like, I didn't learn, like, oh, okay. So the next time, maybe I'll be in this situation, I'll come into that situation a little differently, and I'll I'll, you know, prepare a little better, and I'll make maybe I'll make boundaries around certain foods or, you know, whatever it is because we're all amazing, like, problem solvers and strategists when we allow ourselves to be. And so so when you come from a learner's standpoint, it gives you a lot of forgiveness about, because then you go from emotional thinking like I blew it, I'm bad, to oh, wow, look at what happened. That's interesting. If I'm a learner, I'm curious about this, and I'm gonna learn something about this. Right? So and and there is forgiveness included and compassion included in that too.

Rita Black [00:29:56]:
And I think that that's an important piece. And I know, Christine, you're the queen of compassion. So, you know, it's like, you know, people I I it's so interesting to me, and maybe you have this with your work as well when you work with people, Christine, that we're so resistant to forgive and have compassion for ourselves when we make a mistake or we fall. Because we think, like, especially in the world of weight struggle, people really think, if I'm gonna be compassionate with myself, I'm gonna eat any even more. Like, if I'm gonna be like, you know, like, I'm gonna just be out of control and crazy, but it's so not true. Because when you start really respecting for your respecting yourself and showing up for yourself with that more nurturing side of you, you start advocating for yourself and and against that critical voice. So that's so this part of the healing journey, I guess, you know, you asked me, how do we start to heal this? As I think we start we come to the situation as a different person. We've changed our identity, and that can happen in a second when you start in you know, like in the shift weight mastery process, which is my weight management process, and it has hypnosis and all that stuff too, which really works with, you know, mindset, habits, beliefs.

Rita Black [00:31:23]:
But one of the things we do is we have people sign an apprentice contract. Like, they literally have to become an apprentice. So and I think these kinds of little rituals also really help us redefine things. Right? But then I also think that intercommunication, that curiosity I have a podcast. It's called Thin Thinking Podcast, and I I just recently did a podcast called Curiosity Killed the Fat. And, I mean, like, I do think that the curiosity piece of it, whenever somebody's struggling, like, in my membership or my gut, I'm like, let's get curious. Let's not get critical. And the moment they do that, they turn from their emotional brain into their rational brain where they have all the power, where they have all the resources.

Rita Black [00:32:12]:
Right? So I think it's turning from that critic into the coach, self coaching. I think is identity. And I also think shifting from short term, you know, the short term, like, let me get the fat off of me. Let me diet as quickly as I can. Let me you know, like, it we're so I gotta get it off as fast as possible so I can love myself. Right? You know, because we don't accept ourselves as we are to loving ourselves down the scale. So really seeing like, oh, okay. I'm gonna show up for myself.

Rita Black [00:32:48]:
I'm gonna go on this journey. I might not lose the weight super fast or I may. But the most important part is that the journey isn't just about weight. It's about learning. Like, here's me forty pounds above the scale or where, you know, above where I wanna be. Here's me where, you know, I wanna be, like, 40 down the scale. That me is gonna be different. And I'm not gonna be perfect, but she's gonna make different food decisions.

Rita Black [00:33:16]:
She's gonna probably get up and exercise every day. So let me get curious about that part of me, and let me start to cultivate that part of me. You know what was really funny, Christine? I have a a before picture of me. I don't have a lot of them because I destroyed every single one of my fat pictures, except for this one that my friend had of me when we went to Spain Forty Years ago. And we went to Taza Del Mar where, ironically, we ended up going this time, although it was raining most of the time. And I looked at the picture and I and I texted my friend. I said, hey. I'm going to Spain.

Rita Black [00:33:54]:
Where was that beach that we went to that, you know, I knew I had taken that picture? And she was like, that was Taza Del Mar. I was like, really? Because I I did I have such a bad memory. I I couldn't remember. I was like, oh, you're kidding me because I'm going there, like, today. So I had my daughter take some pictures of me in the same spot on the beach, forty pounds less than I was in that picture at 40 years older as well. But it was so cool. I was just like, well, the me I became in that journey, you know, it's so crazy because I was so miserable. Like, the picture if you see this picture of me, my before picture, I'm just like, I'm on this beautiful beach.

Rita Black [00:34:34]:
I'm young. I actually, you know, if you look back, you're like, well, you're not skinny, but, oh, god. Why were you so hard on yourself? So I was just like, you know, I looked at myself. I was like, god, why were you so hard? I mean, I know so many of the women I work with are like, why was that? I look back at pictures of myself, and I thought I was fat, and I was beautiful. You know? Why would why wouldn't I do that? You know? But anyway, it felt so full circle going back to that place.

Dr. Christine Li [00:35:03]:
Very, very. Yeah.

Rita Black [00:35:04]:
Yeah. It's kinda crazy.

Dr. Christine Li [00:35:06]:
As you were talking, I thought of something that I tend to think around the self abusive part of the cycle and and feeling caught up in that and and always resorting to that. And I have come to feel that for some people, it's something that we feel comfortable being in. This kind of affinity or this coherence of, well, I may feel really crappy about what I did, but that kind of feels like how I feel about myself anyway. So what is there to fix? There's a little bit of this must be normal me. This must be my identity because it feels so familiar. This sadness about myself or this distrust or this negative feeling about myself is so familiar that who am I to think that I could be someone who could love themselves and feel safe in that identity? It feels so far away, feels so not safe. Right? It doesn't feel safe to imagine yourself being a totally different person sometimes. Although when you describe it, it sounds great.

Dr. Christine Li [00:36:23]:
Right? Loving yourself down the scale and thinking, oh, how is it gonna feel when I make these changes? It really helps to have that feeling of self love at the beginning. And and as I was thinking that thought, I also thought this is the value of having a coach. Because

Rita Black [00:36:40]:
Oh, yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:36:41]:
The coaching gets you through that part that feels like it doesn't make sense or it's impossible or it never worked before or I don't have what it takes inside of me. Your coach is that bridge, that literal Mhmm. And proverbial bridge to help you see yourself to the point that you believe in your heart of hearts is a possibility for you. And that's a beautiful thing too. Right? Not only is the person's ability to open themselves up to change beautiful, but the the connection and the trust and the new experience of having someone guide you in a safe way is also a very beautiful thing.

Rita Black [00:37:30]:
Yeah. I think it's that modeling of behavior. I think, you know, with smokers, I use this idea of, like, we live in this world, and it's with weight with weight struggles too. It's like we live in this world of smoking or we live in this world of weight struggle, and it's painful, it's frustrating, but it's familiar. And when we leave the house of abuse, because it's, like, you know, the house of abuse, and if you have nowhere else to go, you're gonna go back to that house of abuse because that's what feels familiar. Right? So I try to use this idea of building a new house, like creating a new foundation built on your power. Right? Like, and that power is based in your new identity. And and and I I agree with you that having a coach and developing your own internal inner coach, but a lot of times, yeah, you need that coach who's going to start to give you that inner voice.

Rita Black [00:38:27]:
Like, I remember having an amazing therapist to you know, like, in the beginning, I couldn't I couldn't model new inner speak to myself, but I just used her voice. Right? And and I say to my clients or my students, I'll say, you know, think of somebody who is like a superhero or or a aunt or a therapist or somebody who whose voice, you know, is soothing, who speaks, and and that you can borrow their voice until you develop your own. And and I do think that that's how it's so helpful for people to have that bridge of and and somebody who is showing them self advocacy, self soothing, and that it's okay. You know? Then and that they can do it. They can get there. Yeah. Because when you don't you know, a lot of times I say, and I'm and I know you do too, Christine, it's just like you kinda hold the space. You know? You hold the space until they get the space, and then they've got it.

Rita Black [00:39:34]:
But, you know, you're a coach. You you don't want to you wanna make yourself redundant, ultimately. You don't want people to but you you wanna give them their own wings to fly.

Dr. Christine Li [00:39:46]:
So I think that as coaches, we come kind of pre prebaked, if if that's the word. Again, the jet lag. Prebaked with the belief in the client, the client's ability to be them their full selves and their full well selves. And I think that's just like the that's that's the contract. That's the that's the setup that works. Right? And there's that kind of power.

Rita Black [00:40:11]:
You were where they were, and you can hold that space. Right? You've you've been on that journey.

Dr. Christine Li [00:40:18]:
Yeah.

Rita Black [00:40:18]:
Yeah. I don't know that I could do any other journey other than smoking or wait. You know? Like, because those those were my journey. I mean, people in the beginning of my career, I'd get calls, you know, oh, you helped my uncle quit smoking. Can you help me with this phobia? I was like, I don't really do that. I just I'm smoking and wait. Those are what I know. I haven't been on a snake fear journey.

Rita Black [00:40:43]:
I had a a very big celebrity want me to cure her of her fear of bees. I was like, oh, I'm sorry. I can't I I haven't been been there with bees as much as I would like to.

Dr. Christine Li [00:40:57]:
I think I think you mentioned rose bushes in your garden once.

Rita Black [00:41:01]:
Did I

Dr. Christine Li [00:41:01]:
get out people in that?

Rita Black [00:41:02]:
I'm used to bees. I'm used to bee. I I in fact, I I like I like bees because they, you know, they do pollinate, and I have friends who have are beekeepers. Oh, the bees are so I we could have a whole podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:41:15]:
Amazing. I I'm full amazing. With you on the bee.

Rita Black [00:41:20]:
But yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:41:21]:
I wanna just share with our audience that I feel like they have just heard a master teacher. So thank you for

Rita Black [00:41:29]:
Thank you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:41:30]:
For just being yourself and and using all your history and wisdom and all the inspiration that you have from your work and from what you know and what you've seen in the people that you work with too and help. So thank you for showing what that can feel like and what that can be like and the promise of change, of allowing yourself to see yourself as someone who can do really powerful, dramatic, substantial, and consistent long lasting change. Very, very powerful. And it came across really clearly tonight. Thank you.

Rita Black [00:42:07]:
Thank you, Christine. And thank you for having our podcast. I know it's late for you, so I appreciate that, especially in time, Jenna.

Dr. Christine Li [00:42:16]:
We're jet lagged, so what is time anyway?

Rita Black [00:42:20]:
Oh, we're very relaxed.

Dr. Christine Li [00:42:21]:
We're so chill right now, thinking about Europe and and and beautiful beaches. So let's shift now to what you've got coming up in the next couple of weeks.

Rita Black [00:42:33]:
Yes. Next well, yeah, it will be as this drops. A week away, I am hosting a series of live master classes over a four day period really based on a couple of things, based on some somewhat of what we talked about, like really breaking the subconscious barriers that keep us struggling with weight. You know? I I usually have a little sign behind me that says 12%, eighty eight %. Twelve % of our mind wants the change. 88% wants to resist the change, the subconscious mind. So we really look at how to leverage your subconscious mind to make changes, you know, so that you can lead the master class with an action plan. And we also do some weight hypnosis, which I really love.

Rita Black [00:43:23]:
So you get to sample hypnosis if you're curious about it, if you're, you know, saw the creepy guy in the polyester suit with mustache. You can experience it with a in a safe environment with lots of other people who want the same sort of transformation. So, yeah, please come. It's I wanna say seventy five minutes long, you know, until we do the hypnosis, and then and then we talk a little bit afterwards. But the bulk of it is about seventy five minutes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:43:52]:
Alright. Terrific. So you're offering it the same master class four different times. Is that correct?

Rita Black [00:44:00]:
Eight classes, actually, I'm doing. I'm going for it this time. Like, I I because everybody is always like, that's a bad time for me. I'm in Australia. That's a bad time. So I said, okay, everybody. I'm gonna make everybody happy. I'm gonna do you know? So there's two master classes a day over a four day period, and I've staggered the times hopefully to please everybody.

Rita Black [00:44:21]:
And and I'm I'm kinda doing some new stuff in this, and so I'm just, like, playing around with it. And so come in come in play with me, and we're it I promise you, it's fun, and we have a good time, and you're gonna learn a lot about how to use your mind more impactfully to manage your weight long term.

Dr. Christine Li [00:44:45]:
Okay. Terrific. So join any of these eight classes, and you'll meet up with Rita again live. And I have a link for you so that you can get all the information for how to sign up and what's involved, including the light hypnosis. And that link is maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/hypnosis. Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/hypnosis. And, of course, I'll have that in the show notes for you all. I have been a student of Rita's program.

Dr. Christine Li [00:45:23]:
I can say I learned so much. There is so much material that is just so useful. There's nothing excessive about the material. It is just so well done. It is intelligent. It taught me all the things I didn't know about that I now know and that does help me to be more aware of what I'm doing when I'm preparing food, when I'm thinking about food, when I'm shopping for food, and how I take care of myself. So I I'm a big advocate of advocate of everything that Rita has put into this program and into this work. So thank you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:46:04]:
Thank you. Thank you, Rita.

Rita Black [00:46:05]:
Thank you, Christine, for having me on.

Dr. Christine Li [00:46:08]:
It was really fun and just a wonderful experience talking with you tonight. And I encourage anyone who just connected with what Rita was saying, what we've been talking about tonight, if you're interested in just experiencing a new part of your potential to just be fully you, go to one of Rita's master classes, review this podcast if you need to, Listen to Rita's podcast as well. That's a wonderful resource which has lots of guests, including me, and lots of information for you to learn from going forward. Thank you. Thank you, Rita.

Rita Black [00:46:47]:
Thank you, Christine, for having me on, and take care of you, Betty. Have a good good day.

Dr. Christine Li [00:46:52]:
Okay. And we are both gonna go rest from our jet lag.

Rita Black [00:46:58]:
And get better.

Dr. Christine Li [00:46:59]:
Alright. Take care, everyone, and I'll see you next week. Bye.

Dr. Christine Li [00:47:04]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:47:44]:
Talk to you soon.