Breaking through Self-Doubt and the Fear of Rejection with Annie Peguero

Christine Li: 0:01

Welcome back to The make time for success podcast. This is episode number 36. I got chills from this episode with my special guest, Annie peguero. Not once, but twice. Once when Annie and I were recording the interview, and I got to listen to her stories, and her history, and then again when I was going through the recording during the editing process, not only is Annie an amazing storyteller, but she has amazing stories to tell. Listen to Annie, who is a high performance mindset coach, describe how she found her way into living more courageously, in both her life and in her business. In the process, you are probably going to feel some chills too. But you're also going to learn a lot about how to live and work from your highest level. Let's go listen to this incredible women story now. Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped 1000s of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they can begin working to their potential. In this podcast if you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important, and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy, and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast. Hello, today, I am so happy because Annie peguero and I are here to have a lovely conversation to get reconnected. And I would like to showcase Annie's brilliance and her love for her fellow people and our shared love for helping people get out of their own way. I think that really is how and I one of the ways that Annie and I really do connect. So welcome to the show. Annie.

Annie Peguero: 2:15

Thank you so much Christine, and this is such an honor to be here with you today. Thank you so much for having me on. I love this connection that we have. And I'm really excited to catch up with you. I think it's really cool that we didn't like catch up too much before we hit record. So this is like fresh and real and raw. And that's what we like.

Christine Li: 2:35

We definitely do like that. And he and I met several years ago in California at a conference. And we were just lucky enough to be there at the same space and time. And he had come from Japan. And I had come from New York and it was just fast friendship and just can't wait to share Annie with you my listeners. So Annie, please start us off and share with us what we need to know about you starting off what some major parts of your journey have been up to this point.

Annie Peguero: 3:11

Yeah, sure. Thank you so much. So I'm a military spouse, a mom of girls and I help women get out of their own way. I spent so much of my life kind of wishing and waiting for like the right time for my kids to grow for like those planets and stars to align like all of these things. And you know it, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to wait for something to happen. And I wasn't going to be able to meditate my way into action or any other like using crystals and rituals and things like that, like all of that is important and blended together. But it was that taking action when you don't know what's going to happen when it feels so incredibly scary, that you just kinda have to lean in and do it. And that has really been the baseline ground. I mean, the core, okay, like the core of everything like in my life, my personal life, my marriage, my kids and in my business because none of these things exist in a bubble like so often we try to compartmentalize all these things, right. I was a health and fitness coach. I helped people feel comfortable in their own skin, and you know, basically lose weight. But what I found really in that health and fitness journey that it was, it wasn't the nutrition plan. And it wasn't the workout program. It was really the stories that we're telling ourselves in our head. And for me as a fitness coach, it was like super frustrating because I wanted to like really really help these women. But I found that, you know, just giving them a plan wasn't enough. So I started studying to become an NLP coach. And that has just really shifted my business. That's neuro linguistic programming. And it's really just the way that your brain works and the way that your brain kind of transfers information into either action or procrastination and self doubt. So that's where our beautiful relationship started. Because it was at that time when we met when I was really making that switch from health and fitness to NLP coaching, and helping women get out of doubt, specifically entrepreneurs. And it was just a really beautiful time where we were able to help each other like get out of our own heads, and into doing what was really important to us, which was helping women.

Christine Li: 5:54

Absolutely, thank you for that beautiful explanation. I think our listeners can tell that there's so many stories that are behind the story of how you got here, just the health and fitness coaching, the transition to being an NLP coach and helping entrepreneurs being a mom being a wife being a military spouse, I guess what I'm thinking, as a first question, is that idea about well, let me just wait it through or let me just think this through, was there something in your life or in your personality, that caused you to be that kind of a person that you were more? Maybe on the patient side? Or on the non active side?

Annie Peguero: 6:40

Oh, that is such a good question. Because no, like the actual opposite. I mean, I have a very much been like an action taker. However, when it came to putting myself in my truest heart, and being vulnerable, I mean, I know everybody uses that word, but really laying out on the line, what was in my heart and soul, like putting that out there. That's where the challenge came for me. Before I met my husband, and resigned from my job and became a military spouse and moved to Japan, I was a law enforcement officer with the National Park Service. And I got this really great compliment from my peers. They're like any year like the tip of the spear, and I'm like, Whoa, and I used to like, not talk about that, because I'm like, oh, horn today or whatever. But I'm really proud of that. I feel like, like having that level, like those high standards and those expectations and knowing that like having your peers know that you're an action taker was really important to me. So when it came time to mirror that action, taking in my own business, it was like such a block, like I just couldn't do it. And I knew what was holding me back. But I felt like it was literally too scary to push forward.

Christine Li: 7:59

And may I ask what was holding you back?

Annie Peguero: 8:04

Okay, so I'm laying in bed. And it is the night before my birthday. And my husband, you know, he's a Marine, he was in Italy, and we're in our home in Virginia, I'm laying there nursing my daughter, and I'm like, you know what, tomorrow's my birthday, I'm gonna do something big, like something major. And like, you know what, I'm just going to rip off the band aid. And I'm going to go live on Facebook. And I'm going to ask for help in finding my birth family. So my whole life, I've known that I was adopted at birth, like my birth mother gave me up for adoption. And this was was kind of like this shadow with in me, and that I just, I couldn't expose my real self, I just needed to know, I have a beautiful family, amazing loving parents. And after giving birth to my daughters, I knew that I had to meet this woman and thank her for this beautiful life that I live. So I put my daughter into bed and I went into my office and I made a sign with Crayola markers. And it said 41 years ago today in Greenville, Pennsylvania, a young woman gave birth to me, please help me find her. So I can thank her for this beautiful life. And like now I'm sweating with chills and everything, like every single time I tell this story. And the big takeaway message of this. And the reason why this story is important for your listeners is because I had to release the attachment to what could happen. I mean, I could have been met with incredible rejection. Serious tragedy, just more like people pushing away like hate, like, I didn't know what I was gonna find, you know what I mean? But I knew that I had to put myself out there. Because number one, I knew that I needed to break that cycle of generational trauma, like what I was going to pass on to my girls, and it was just too much of a risk, like I knew that I needed answers, I need to find that peace and clarity. And once I had those answers, I knew that my life was completely going to change. And I was going to be able to serve at a level that I just couldn't serve while living in that shadow.

Christine Li: 10:17

So I know you said, chills, I wanted to cry when I heard you with the band aid and just knowing that you had to do this for the next generations. And not only for your own life, that it was bigger than you that it was the energy that you were living with and holding, and sharing with your daughters. This is so powerful. I have five questions at a time with you. So what did you need to say to yourself? Or how did that shift? happen? It was the birth of your daughters. How are you coaching yourself into doing this?

Annie Peguero: 10:57

It was, I kept on telling myself, I have to do something, I have to do something. And it wasn't coming to me exactly what that thing was. I mean, I spent so many times like googling, how to find birth family, and how to get out of self doubt and how to release negative self talk. I mean, all of that stuff, because that's what I was doing. Like, it wasn't just that I didn't have these answers. It was that I was living with these self imposed limits, that it was impossible for me to get over. And when I made this decision, like I literally made the decision when I was laying there nursing her it wasn't something that I had thought about that I had journaled about meditated on nothing. It was like, This is what I have to do, I need to do a Facebook Live video, and I need to just do it and not think about it, just do it and then roll with what happens. And I feel like my own coaching clients now, when I share the story with them, they're like, okay, like, I can go live for the first time, or I can share this idea that I have. It's like, if I can do it, then I really believe that anybody can do this. It's just recognizing that you have this desire to not live with these limits anymore. Like not live within this self doubt. Like it was really just a decision that I made and then took action.

Christine Li: 12:30

Beautiful. And then can you fill us in on what happened with the story after the Facebook Live happened?

Annie Peguero: 12:36

Yeah, I mean, beautiful response, like literally right away, a man named David reached out to me and he said, We need to talk. I think you're my sister Maria's daughter. So I'm like, Oh, my goodness. Yeah. So I, I get my headphones in and I've got my girls in the back. They're like, all buckled up, because I left the house. And I call them and I'm like, hey, it's Annie. I'm like, let's talk Oh, my gosh, this is amazing. And he goes, he's like, are you driving? I'm like, Yeah, but it's okay. My girls are in the back. And he's like, No, you need to go home. And you need to call me from home for what I'm about to tell you about Marie. And right, then I knew that she had died. So I got home, I called my husband in Italy, we got on a zoom with David. And he went on to tell me, you know, the the full story of how Marie gave birth to me when she was 16 years old. She was one of 10 children in a giant Italian family. And they've always been hoping that I would try to find them after she died in a car accident in 1991, when I was 16 years old, the same age that she was when she gave birth to me. So a huge spiral effect of love happened. I mean, I have 26 first cousins, and they all look like me because I'm the second oldest. And I came to a realization and ownership that I came from love into love. And having that now as my core as my baseline that I move on from and to serve my family, myself, my family, and my clients has just opened up the floodgates of love, you know, and I feel like so many of us hold ourselves back. We feel like this self doubt is just the most unbreakable barrier. We don't even realize what we are fully capable of. And I'm going to quote your podcast episode. Like I think it was two episodes ago from this date. I it's Episode 30 something and you said you were so massively powerful. You know, I just feel like like please put that on like on a quote card and put it in all the Because it's so it's like magic, like, all of these things that we do these days to, you know, increase our energetic flow, but you are massively powerful. Like every single one of us, it's just about recognizing that, that glow in that light within ourselves.

Christine Li: 15:19

I am so touched I am so wanting to cry, I'm not a crier, but you're pulling out all the feelings for me, I am so happy that you have boosted your family, you've just blown it out in the best of ways and that you have so many new people to love. And that it also opened up your heart fully that you just removed all the barriers that might have been there. So I'm just happy to hear that just between you and me. But also, I'm glad that our listeners got to hear your beautiful story too. In case they are holding on to something in case they're worrying day in and day out about something in case they're dreaming about something and they think maybe it's just that one step that I need to take that one Facebook Live perhaps that could make this start get that energy of the universe working double time for for them. So listener, go for it, go for that thing that you've been holding back on, that you feel might allow you to live a more open hearted life. And that's just for me in any. Okay, Annie. So how has that experience that finding out your history? where you came from all of that and feeling all that love from your family? How has that translated into daily living, how you parent, your daughters, how you teach other women, please? Sure.

Annie Peguero: 16:55

I mean, the first thing that comes to my mind is like it has made me crave leaving the comfort zone even more. Once I did that, which was like, at the time literally the biggest barrier in my life. It's made me want more of that. Like when something gets comfortable for me, I'm saying, Okay, what can I do to live in that zone of sweating and shaking, you know, I really want to have that physiological response to fear because I know that then it means something. So you know, for me, it's like the equivalent to you know, since I'm a mom of my girls are relatively small, and I don't get to do like the high adrenaline activities that I used to do like before I became a mom. So it's like an equivalent to rappelling off of a 350 foot cliff, or like whitewater kayaking through like class two and a half rapids because I was never really that good. Or like barreling down a single track on slick rock in Utah, like, those are the feelings that I crave. So in my business, you know, I want to have more of that excitement, more of that adventure. Or like, just finding the things that feel scary and doing more of them even like you asked in my parenting. We keep it safe, daughters to be safe. But I've feel like teaching them courage, you know, and what that feeling of feeling the fear and doing it anyway, in a safe environment feels like is is one of the most important lessons that we can teach, specifically for young girls. I want my girls to know that they have magic inside of them that they are massively powerful. And when it feels scary, then it's it's something important, and they should lean in and do the scary thing.

Christine Li: 18:53

What is your sense or understanding of how that spiritual energetic magical understanding gets somehow pushed aside or devalued or forgotten about for not just women, I think men as well, but what is your theory? What have you thought about that topic?

Annie Peguero: 19:19

Yeah, I think that we get so stuck in the day to day life and the day to day like issues, problems, challenges or whatever that come up, that we have a hard time really feeling the energy of a challenge or of a like a situation a decision that we have to make. And we make all of our decisions based on like practicality and like being pragmatic and just kind of like on this earthly plane. Instead of recognizing that we are energetic beings, that we are like these balls of energy and we can have this shift that can dramatically impact and transform our life. And we just kind of get stuck. And that's where I feel like meditation and energy work and working with crystals and Reiki. And all of that is so very important. But we can't do that in a bubble. Like once you recognize that you're feeling kind of stagnant feeling kind of stuck making decisions based on circumstance, things like that, you reach out for some assistance. But then knowing that it all comes down to whether or not you're going to take action on it, you know whether or not you're going to actually do something with this, this change in this different heightened vibration that you're feeling. So basically, it's just taking time to recognize it, and then moving forward with action.

Christine Li: 20:52

Okay, once you've moved, your daughter has your clients to the point of saying, okay, I accept the need to act. I know that I want to act, how do you help people set themselves up for a good outcome? or whatever's next maybe even uncertainty? What is your system for coaching people there?

Annie Peguero: 21:17

Sure, yeah, that's a great question. I feel like, you know that, first of all, I'm not a business coach, you know, I'm a, I'm a high performance mindset coach. And what I feel that people are always looking for a plan are always looking for a strategy, a blueprint, a, you know, somebody else's XYZ, this is what you need to do to get this outcome, myself included, you know, I was looking for that as well. But after having all of the blueprints, and then not stepping into the role that I knew that I was meant to fill, that's when I really had to start asking these questions and try to figure out what the block was. And it was realizing that it's just one action step after action, step after action step away. And almost every single time, the next step changes from what you originally thought that it was, I mean, you could come up with this, like grand plan and strategy that you spent so much time and probably money hiring someone to help you come up with a strategy. It's just like, Listen to your instincts, listen to your intuition. What does, what are you being led to do create, be become put out there into the world? What are you feeling called to do, and be right now, just do that, just do that one thing. And I loved like, in that episode, that you talked about letting yourself feel the beginning, middle, and end, like going through that whole entire thing, like not just stopping at the beginning, because we totally do that, like raise your hand, if you're like, Okay, I'm gonna do this thing, you do it, and then you're like, be like, coil back, right? And it's like, getting to the middle part. And then the end and working through completion, meaning, like, if you're a business owner, and that's who I mostly speak with entrepreneurs, like getting the offer out there, and then actually doing the program, or, you know, whatever it is that you're holding yourself back on, not just creating all of the things coming up with a strategy, but working through, like you said, the beginning, middle, and then finishing the thing.

Christine Li: 23:34

I think, as I'm hearing you describe the process, I think what oftentimes is the block is some sort of feeling. And feelings are just so interesting, because they're, we know, they're temporary hormonal fluctuations and stories, we're telling ourselves about things. But they're also major roadblocks for major things, major things that we can be allowing to enter in our life and bless our lives and improve our lives. So what do you say to the person who says, Okay, I have a plan, I have the intention. But I also feel really frustrated, I feel really insecure. I feel like the feelings are still really powerful. What would you say to that person?

Annie Peguero: 24:27

I love that question. Because like, my answer is, adventure with it. Like go on an adventure with these feelings. And when I say that to certain people, they're like, what, like, What are you talking about? Easy, it's simple, like, feel the feelings like allow those feelings to come up. Instead of switching your attention, moving it to something else. No, actually feeling the fear. Feeling the anxiety, feeling the sweat and And, you know, the uncertainty, the fear that like all of the things, and then take that a step further. And that's what I call, you know, this adventure that you go on. It's really like asking yourself questions. And it's for me like going back to my story, I had to ask myself Well, okay, I have a lot of fear of finding out about my birth family. Why do I have that fear? Well, rejection, I was fearing rejection, I was fearing you know, what could happen. But as I was fearing that rejection, I was also pushing away the possibility of love. So wherever you're feeling like some type of something negative, as you're going on this adventure with it, where you can take yourself to a higher level of consciousness and recognize that not only are you feeling that fear, but you're pushing away something really positive. And even if it comes in the form of tragedy, you know, as it did, finding out that my birth mother had died, tragically, the love that came from there, and the piece that came to my heart and the hearts of so many people, being able to see my father, and my maternal grandfather sitting together, you know, having a conversation, having that that piece and saying thank you to each other. I mean, it was really a life changing moment. And I sure as heck didn't know that was going to happen. So it's being able to go on an adventure, with the self doubt that you're feeling, asking yourself questions, and then moving towards action without holding on to the negative that might happen, just knowing that it's a Buddhist saying, everything that happens to me is the best possible thing that could happen. Now, like my Italian mom, she would always tell me, she'd say, everything happens for a reason, you know, and she still says that to this day. But taking it a step further, everything that happens, to me is the best possible thing that can happen through tragedy. And through joy. There's always something something really beautiful and transformational that we can take away from it, if we choose.

Christine Li: 27:16

I'm going to add to that a little bit, because I'm watching you tell your own beautiful story. And I'm going to add that you need to trust yourself, that you can withstand whatever, you're going to find whatever you're going to feel, whatever you're going to experience. And second point, you have this space, energetically. And love wise to hold it all. That you're not going to break that even if you do experience, the negative feelings, the negative experiences, that's part of your story, that that's part of what makes you who you are, that you want to take that possibility of expansion and know that you can handle it, I think, for me, that's what I'm thinking of is that oftentimes, self doubt is just, I won't be able to handle it, period. I don't care what it is small, are really big. I just don't feel like I'm up to it. And that small, momentary thought can hold us back from what you've so beautifully said. It's holding you back from experiencing more love the possibility of more. So thank you for sharing all these lessons. And all of your experiences of being really the tip of the spear. I can see why your colleagues call do that. Because that's your energy. That is your vibe. Completely. That was the vibe when I met you so many years ago. And what I'm saying now to and your daughters to their they're also just ready to be there with you. From what I can tell.

Annie Peguero: 29:02

You're always ready. Yeah. I mean, thank you so much for saying that. I it's just such a message that I know that I that's my purpose on this planet. You know, that's why everything happened in my life the way that it was supposed to happen exactly as it's supposed to happen. And that's really my message for your listeners, for my listeners, like everyone that says, Yeah, I've got something inside of me that I know that I want to share. And I love that you said, you know, that you added to trust yourself and that you can handle it that you won't break. And I think that you know you and I are super similar in that we don't encourage people to push away their feelings. You know, we really, we really believe in the value of the process of feeling your feelings. And yeah, that you're going to go through some some challenges and knowing That there there is something beautiful on the other side is just what to keep in your heart every day. Okay, beautiful.

Christine Li: 30:08

I think I would like to hear about Japan. Oh, yeah. And that adjustment and the learning that must have happened while you were there and what you observed in terms of cultural differences or similarities. And if you could fit some of that with what we've been talking about, about taking chances and taking action, that would be a plus.

Annie Peguero: 30:35

Her Yes. I mean, so the village where we lived is called Yomi, Taiwan. And it was, it's right on the East China Sea, like literally right on it. The first time we live there, our house was this tiny little beach house, like literally right on the East China Sea, like nothing a military family could afford to live in, you know, here in the United States. But in Japan, it was this beautiful little bungalow. I mean, seriously amazing. And this time, where we lived for the last four years, was just a few blocks away from that. So we lived in the same village because we loved it so much. It has the highest population of people over 100 years old on the planet. I mean, it was it's just amazing and the beautiful Okay, now and people. We see somebody walking down the street pushing a cart full of Goya, the cucumber, like Japanese vegetable that has like spiny little things on it's called bitter melon, and it is like the fountain of youth, right? Like, they use it in stir fry. They eat it raw, and it's very, very bitter. But it helps even protect them from the sun. Like if you can imagine that, right? So we lived in this village. Like we'd see someone walking out, they would literally be 105 years old and they looked 62. So the biggest thing that the image that comes to my mind and the memory that I hold forever, is Toshi is garden. She's our neighbor across the street. And they lived in this little like military bunker type housing. Because once the you know, after the war, and some of the most brutal battles of world war two happen, they're in yo Mouton. So the military buildings were then given or sold, I'm not sure to the local government and you know, many people made their home of them and they're still there to this day. Well, Toshi, and her family smashed down the house and built like this beautiful home and her husband had the most amazing garden you've ever seen. I mean, it just chills again, like thinking about his garden. Amazing bonsai trees, beautiful flowers that I don't know the names a little koi pond, on the corner of this little village, mule, Matan. And every single day, he would go out there pop us on is what we called him, he would go out and he would tend to his garden, clipping very meticulously and patiently and with so much love and joy and light nets, like clipping his garden. And I said to my husband, I'm like, I want to go over there. And I want to be pompous on student. And he's like, what are you going to do? And I'm like, I'm just gonna go over there. And I'm gonna say Papa, son, Sensei, and any son, student and I just, you know, I was always googling How to say and be respectful and learn. But I felt like he might change the way like change what he was doing. So I would watch from a distance every day, every single day. And I watched the way that that he took care of his garden, took over his family and lived his life without that hustle. Without that stress and without those feelings of I've just got to do X y&z it was just, he needed to love me. Wow, I was gonna I was gonna add, like his family take care of it. No, it was just it. He moved forward every day with love. And it was just, I mean, a gift for for our family to live across the street from Toshi and her family and their amazing garden.

Christine Li: 34:24

Thank you for sharing that experience of visiting a Blue Zone and of seeing how people can really thrive in a very simple, beautiful, loving way. And that's a beautiful story. I love it. Like it, feel it, I can feel the feelings I can imagine the beauty of that garden. So thank you for sharing your beauty with us today. Annie. I miss you. I thank you for joining us today on the show. Thank you for describing some of what I've done. scribed in other episodes, and I can't wait for my listeners to stay connected with you please share with us how they can do that.

Annie Peguero: 35:07

Well, thank you. Yeah, I said Annie peguero.com and you'll see links to my free trainings to soul school for entrepreneurs my six month coaching program, my own podcast called adventures with Annie peguero see that adventure theme. And you know, I would love to connect with you the best place is shoot me a message on Instagram. I'd love to see you screenshot that you're listening to this episode and tag both Dr. Christine and myself in your story, we would so love that. But you know, just hop over to Annie peguero.com and sign up for one of my free trainings.

Christine Li: 35:46

Awesome. Take Annie's advice. Always. I have Thank you for listening to this episode of The always. Thank you so much again, Annie and dear listeners go get make time for success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, them. We'll see you next time. you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website make time for success podcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.