Building Mental Resilience: Techniques for Overcoming Anxiety

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Hello, and welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 171. It has been some time since I have showcased any podcast reviews, and I think this one that I got from lovely Amy is a great one to bring to you. She titled the review, Preserving Our Well-Being, and she said, "Such a kind, happy, hopeful, and useful podcast. Dr Christine has a lovely way about her. I just found her a few weeks ago and am binging the podcast starting from the beginning. I love the interviews, but was hoping to hear more from her own voice and instructions as well.

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:39]:
And lo and behold, a new podcast episode came out. And for some reason, I decided to jump over to the newest episode and she said she'll be speaking to us directly a bit more from now on. My wish came true, smiley face. I've played episode 164 from about 6 minutes 8 seconds to 7 minutes 45 seconds about 10 times, and will write it in my journal. That idea of preserving our well-being/protecting our energy and momentum is exactly what I'm after. I don't want to just do more, but do more while feeling good. I know we need to stretch ourselves to grow, but along with that stretching, I want to have an overall sense of well-being." She articulated this so beautifully.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:23]:
Amy, I want to return the compliment. Thank you so much. I think you've expressed yourself so beautifully and thank you for sharing your thoughts as a review and with all of us listening today. Thank you so much. I appreciate the thoughts and the encouragement and the praise so much, really more than I can actually say. In today's episode, I'm going to be talking about the habit of building mental resilience. And the focus of today's conversation is going to be about the behavior of worrying about things before they happen. I call this particular behavior pre worry.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:02]:
I have had my share of pre worry in the past and sometimes currently, and I'm pretty sure you have too. I've got a lot of different reflections on this topic. I share some of my experiences of being a psychologist, working with people to rid themselves of pre worry, and I have some pragmatic strategies that you can use starting today for your pre worry if you happen to be in a Bout of It yourself. Let's go listen to this episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:36]:
Hi. I'm doctor Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time For Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:19]:
Hi there. It's Christine, and I am raring to go with this episode about pre worry. And I have been a little bit worried about this particular episode because my dogs have been really acting up inside the house and in my home office. And I've been worried that I wouldn't be able to get through a single podcast recording with them acting this way. They have finally settled down. 1 of them is in my office. The other one is just outside. I've got my glass of water, and I think I'm ready to go.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:53]:
But today's topic really is about pre worry. It's a term that I have coined myself. I don't believe I borrowed it from anyone. And I coined it because I see it all over. I see it in myself. I see it in my clients. I see it in my family members. And I do think that pretty much everyone who is alive has experienced a bit of pre worry in their past, if not currently.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:20]:
And I have found that recently, maybe it's the moon cycles or something. Perhaps it's the start of the year, but I find that people are really feeling pressured and like they're under a lot of stress recently. So if that is you, I really understand you are not alone, and I hope this episode really helps to make things a bit lighter for you. So pre worry, my favorite term before today, is short probably for preemptive worrying. It's that kind of thought that happens when you are trying to anticipate problems before they even occur. You're envisioning negative outcomes, like your project will be criticized. You will forget your shopping bags, your recycling bags. You will not get a return text from somebody that you really care about.

Dr. Christine Li [00:05:15]:
You won't hear from the favorite school that you've applied to. It's that kind of thinking that you don't know exactly what's gonna actually happen, but you're already going through the negative circumstances and the worst case scenarios that you do not want. And this, of course, quite obviously leads to a loss of energy because you're using your mind in this way. And you're also creating a bucket of anxiety for yourself to have to manage. So not only do you have to deal with real uncertainty of not knowing what's going to happen, you're also creating emotional anxiety in your heart and in your body, and then you have to deal with that as well. For me, pre worry is really a subset of anxiety, and anxiety can be defined as thoughts that we have, oftentimes repeatedly, about the future that we do not want to have happen in reality. So it's funny how we kind of get stuck in a loop of really imagining anxious thoughts when we really don't want these types of things to happen. For some people, it's really a habit that feels unbreakable and it feels constant and very persistent.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:36]:
For others, it is an every once in a while thing, but it certainly crops up under times of stress or when there is a gap period. I call these gap periods because it's a space of time no matter how long or short it is. It's a space of time where your brain has the opportunity to insert a negative thought because you just don't know what the outcome is. So your brain generates something to make sure that you are aware of the dangers that might lie ahead. I think that's the job of our brain, but I think sometimes we listen to our errant thoughts or those negative danger ridden thoughts a little bit too often. So what if I could tell you and what if I am going to tell you that you can actually reclaim all that energy from your anxiety and use it to propel yourself forward to the outcome that you actually desire. Because I really do think that is the truth. I know that for years, for decades even, I've explained that to my clients, my clinical patients, my coaching clients, that when we have a positively oriented focus on our desired outcome, I believe we stand a much better chance of arriving at that outcome safely and making that outcome actually come to life.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:01]:
When you think about it, it makes sense. When we're feeling well, when we're feeling up, when we're feeling optimistic, when we're feeling prepared, when we're feeling safe, we are likely going to pack our bags, we're gonna get on the plane, and we're gonna get to our destination figuratively and literally. That you're just gonna travel better when your mind is clear of anxiety, of worry, of thoughts about the future that has not even happened yet. So let's go through some ideas for how to make that habit something that you have for yourself. In my notes, I have written that as a psychologist, the number one lesson that I have learned bar none, really the number one lesson, honest to God, is that anxiety is a waste of our time and energy because I have sat through 100, if not 1,000 of patient hours listening to anxious thoughts. And that is my role is my chosen role. Absolutely. And listening to clients think about things that they're worried about happening.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:14]:
But my believing, actually, that these things are never going to come to pass. And I think it's the role of the psychologist to help the client articulate the thoughts that are swirling in their head, messing with their heart so that they have power over those thoughts so that they can hear what those thoughts actually sound like from a more perhaps objective standpoint from outside of their head. And then they get to free themselves of that energy that is more locked up, more negative, more heavy, and then they can leave the session feeling more like themselves, their true selves, their more empowered self. And I do believe it's kind of like a magic that happens, but it's a magic that is really happening inside the patient's heart, inside the patient's mind. We allow ourselves to release our anxiety. It really is something that we can choose. A lot of people will fight me on this statement. Right? Some people feel it's truly involuntary.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:23]:
And I think there is an involuntary part, and I feel like there is a very large voluntary part. And I'm trying to help you with the voluntary part so that your whole energy is uplifted, so that you are not sunk by your negative thoughts, by pessimism, by negativity, by stress, because life is stressful enough. I think it's the beginning of the year, and I think people are really wanting this year to go so well, the year 2024. But in some ways, the year has brought a lot of stress to people. I hear a lot of people having difficulty this year, feeling stressed, feeling worn out, feeling a lack of motivation. I have felt some of that myself. I've talked about that in some prior episodes. So we know that it's a practice to clear out anxiety, to be patient with ourselves when those anxious thoughts come knocking on our door, when we have to endure really stressful times, when there is loss or when there's loss of opportunity or when we feel like we are not good enough for some reason.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:41]:
Those are all very stressful, very real circumstances. But I know that we can use our mindset and our thoughts and even the contents of this episode to lift us back up again. Recently, I saw a post on social media that I thought I would mention here, and I thought it was really a quite stunning post. I mean, we see 100 and thousands of posts on social media, but this one really just got me. And it was a man who was just in a matter of fact way talking about the fact that the future has not happened yet. And the fact that we are weaving all these tails and planning all these plans for a future that is not yet here is just really interesting. It made me kind of pause and think, what if I attached to this idea of a future that I might not need to? Because it really hasn't happened yet. And a friend of mine, Lindsay Janney, this morning mentioned the book Harold and the Purple Crayon.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:46]:
And if you grew up reading that beautiful book of Harold drawing his future and his journey, as he traveled and walked as a toddler with a big purple crayon, drawing fantasy dinosaurs and dangerous situations, but also beautiful moon situations and land. You will know that really we are creating our future in the present moment. What we think of right now will affect our future, but perhaps we can drop all the heaviness about what the future will hold for us because it literally hasn't come yet. So I just thought I would share that with you because, again, I thought it was absolutely a stunning post. Alright. Now I have a few quick practical strategies that you can use to try to train yourself to drop the pre worry or to just shorten the amount of time and energy you're using investing in that pre worry. So one strategy is to literally move up your deadlines instead of thinking to yourself, oh, I need to procrastinate again. Oh, I don't wanna deal with this until the end of the week.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:59]:
I want you to set earlier deadlines for yourself because guess what that does? That creates a little bit of urgency for you, but I think it's good urgency. I think it's shortening the gap of time that you have between now and that end goal and that release of the task or the project, the completion. You'll get that sooner. You'll end up saving all this worry time, and you'll practice getting things done as soon as you come up with a task. So it's got multiple benefits and it kind of clears away pre worry. Pre worry doesn't have any time or room to jump into the picture, and I think that's a really, really good thing. I think this simple strategy can really up level your game and restore and help you reclaim a lot of mental and emotional energy. I stand by that comment.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:57]:
This comment and this strategy has really, really worked in my life. I really appreciate any time I can pull a deadline closer to myself. The second pragmatic strategy I have for you is to keep your project tasks of manageable length, and that means break down your goals into really doable sections. Make yourself happy by having a chunk of your project completed. Make it very doable. Make it something that you can take a snapshot of yourself doing, make it easier for yourself. So again, you don't have all this time for pre worry because you're actually happily engaged in your task. But also, you get to celebrate the completion of this task and you're on to the next step.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:49]:
So you break up all this stress that you might be accumulating because you're being productive, and you reduce the stress. You eliminate the pre worry, and you get these chunks done towards your end goal. And in there, I've mentioned that 3rd technique and strategy, which is really to insert small victory celebrations in your workday. Whatever your workday looks like, treat yourself to something, whether it's like an online game that you like or a walk around the building or a call to your friend, or let's say you look forward to doing something before going to bed that evening. It's like a celebration that you get to do just before bedtime somehow. Whatever it is for you, get in the habit of not working until you're burned out. Just eliminate that habit. Everybody who's listening, just eliminate that habit and make sure that you have periodic celebration periods.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:56]:
You do not have to write whole dissertations in order to celebrate. You can just write a page and be really happy that you've got through the page. And I think when we do that, we allow our brains to realize that we are actually enjoying ourselves, that we are safe, that there is no need for worry, there's no need for procrastination and stress, and that we can just move forward even more quickly. I do believe that when you have celebration periods in your work day, you will be more excited to go to work and you will do your work more quickly as well, as opposed to if you're having to go through this whole bunch of pre worry before turning on your computer, opening that blank screen and getting to work. I hope this episode really helped you to take a look at your patterns of worry. How much time do they take? How much energy are you losing to worry? How negative are you when you start your workday? If you find you're answering yes a lot to all of these questions, review this episode. Go through it one more time. Write that list of worries that you have, but then on the other side of the page, write down things that you can do to counter that worry.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:20]:
For instance, the future hasn't happened yet. I have done so well in the past with these similar tasks. I am looking forward to celebrating the completion of these tasks this evening with my loved ones. Whatever you need, build it into your schedule because you are just like Harold and the purple crayon. You're the master drawer. You're the creator of the image, the landscape, the mood, and I hope for you the best image, the best landscape, and the best mood. If you liked this episode, please do me a favor and certainly come back next week. But before next week, if you could drop a 5 star rating for this podcast, make time for success, I would be so so appreciative.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:07]:
It really helps to drive the podcast forward, get it into other people's ears, and I would just love that. All you need to do is go to your smartphone, go to your podcast channel of choice, and write a quick review and give us 5 stars. That would be terrific. Alright, everyone. Have a wonderful week without a bunch of pre worry. I'll see you soon.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:33]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:13]:
Talk to you

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:17]:
soon.