How to Stop Settling and Build Your Dream Business and Life Instead with Michelle Fernandez

Christine Li  0:01  
Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Christine Li and this is episode 53. Do you have a mean girl or mean guy voice inside your head? Do you worry that you might be settling for less than you're capable of in your life or your career? If the answer is yes to any of these questions, this episode is one you need to stick around for. Michelle Fernandez is my special guest for this episode. She's an entrepreneur who read the signs that were happening in her life, to leave the jobs that were not satisfying her fully in order to build the business that allowed her to work in her zone of genius, and to help her clients even more effectively. As a result. Michelle is a Facebook and Instagram ads strategist and funnel expert. Her marketing agency Michelle Fernandez media creates strategic ad campaigns and highly converting Funnels for Coaches, course creators and online experts. She's an expert in branding and a vital force behind the continued growth and scale of multiple six and seven figure businesses. She is one of my most trusted and beloved colleagues in the online marketing space, the online business space. But she has so much to teach us all, not just in business, but in how to lead a good life. Let's go listen to this episode now.

Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped 1000s of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn a powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy, and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast. Hello, my dear podcast friends. This is Dr. Christine Li and I am already laughing here with my good friend, Michelle Fernandez, who you will love. She is a delight of a woman person, professional mother, and she's got all the things going on. And I can't wait for you to learn from her today. I brought Michelle on because she embodies for me so many different pieces of success. And she has a very success oriented mindset and way about her and I wanted you to hear about her journey, her story, her successes, and what she has to teach you today. So welcome to the show myself.

Michelle Fernandez  3:06  
I'm so excited to be here. Thank you so much for having me. I know and I will tell you what the first time that we met at the conference, we were sat next to each other right. And I was so drawn to you. And I always tell you how warm you are. You could tell like you're listening to me. And I just felt like we did have this great connection, and then come to find out our children go to the same college right? We were like, This is so weird. You're New York, I'm in Florida. And it's like wait, how do we and it's like, we were definitely meant to connect, right?

Christine Li  3:37  
Yes, absolutely. And I remember that moment. Well. It's been great knowing you over the years being on your podcast, watching you develop your business and practice and enjoy life in the process. So could you start our listeners off with just a description of where you are now what you're doing with your business, what you're specializing in, so they have a place to envision what you're doing with your work right now?

Michelle Fernandez  4:07  
Yeah, yeah. Okay. So I do have a marketing agency. I'm a full service marketing agency. So we create strategic Facebook and Instagram ad campaigns, and as well as build out highly converting funnels, for course creators, online experts, things like that coaches, so they can really, like not only sell out their offers, because Hello, but the bottom line is is that you need this exposure to live this crazy cool life. Because when I first started working this career, I would tell my coach, I remember specifically where we were in Seattle at this retreat. And we were sitting around like after day one or something having drinks and I said oh my gosh, you need to be up here in my head. Because up here my head I live this crazy cool life. Like everybody wants to live there and she's like, why is it living in your head? Like, I don't know. That's why I'm here. View, right? So it's like, whenever I say crazy cool life is because I know what that looks like for me. And I know everybody has their own crazy cool life that they want to live, right. So I know in order to get there, you need that exposure and you need to, you know, have more traffic, more eyeballs on yourself. And that's how I ended up where I am today.

Christine Li  5:21  
Terrific. I like that story that we all have a big vision in our hearts and our heads and that without our driving energy and attention to that vision, it will stay in our head. So I yeah, I've enjoyed watching you talk about your journey of creating your vision and making it come to life, and also helping other people find theirs. So can you bring us back to a point where

Michelle Fernandez  5:56  
you were, there was no vision, there was

Christine Li  5:59  
no vision, there was maybe a little more self doubt than you needed, let us know about that part of your life.

Michelle Fernandez  6:05  
Oh my gosh. So, um, it is kind of saddening, and I'm, I'm lucky. And I'm happy to say that I can actually get through it without getting teary eyed for this day. So if we rewind back, I was in the mortgage industry for 30 years. And I worked with my mom. So it was a mom daughter shop. And even though she owned the business, I pretty much was running it with her right. And then about 22 years ago, I had my twins, right. So at the time, I was really like, I really love to stay home with the kids, you know, like every new mom wants to be and spend this time and don't want like a nanny, and I hated calling her nanny. But really, that's what she was somebody that being said during the day, because I always thought, oh my god, they're gonna love her more than me and that whole thing. But at that time, there was really only a teacher, which living in Miami, you cannot afford to live off of a teacher salary. And then then you had pharmaceutical reps. So I did explore both options. However, they were not appealing for its own reasons, right. So fast forward a little bit, both of my grandparents, when my grandfather passed away, and then my grandmother got sick and was in the hospital. And I remember saying to my mom, you know, it's sad that neither one of us can be sitting with her. Because we're both here having to work, right. And I remember at that specific time saying my gosh, like, like, now I'm trapped in this thing. You know, I would love to spend time with my grandmother, my son at five years old had to have like a series of surgeries. So it was like I was working in the hospital or, you know, it was like this whole thing that I'm like, this is creating such but again tracks I get exposed to workouts, which was ended up being an enema and MLM company. And that's when I discovered this digital world, I discovered what's possible for us to do that gave me flexibility, but I'm still doing this time. But then I would wake up every morning with this, like, I'm stuck working the scientists five, I'm never gonna do this. Like, literally, I get up before my husband, and by the time he would get up and I'm putting my makeup on, like, I would be there crying. He's like, what's your problem? Like, I'm such a loser, like, I'm never gonna do this. I'm, you know, I'm 40 something years old now. I'm never gonna, you know, and it's a horrible feeling to live in, like feeling. So I'm, what is the word I'm looking for? Where it's like, you're just stuck, like you just settling. That's the word you're settling for the way things are. And it's like, you know, you're a match for more. And it's like, how do you find that, and that's what I love about this. And every, that's what I love about even what I do is when I hear someone's vision, and to turn into their thought of what their program is or what they can offer to their potential customers, and to actually make it a tangible thing and see people now in the program and see that it's just to watch that. Like, I'm getting goosebumps right now. Because I know what that was like to sit there and like, Okay, I have this idea, but like, how do I build it? How do I do it? Like what are the processes to take to get out of that settling? And I think for me, since I was older, and then now looking at all the 2030 somethings that are in these programs, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, I would always look at it like they have all this time and my time is limited because I turned 50 this year. So I was like oh my god I'm only gonna be working or alive for so you know, all these thoughts come into your mind. So it was difficult for me. It was very depressing. There were days I didn't get out of bed because I just felt like what do I do? Not even realizing that getting into bed was not gonna make anything happen. but it just felt like so much better to just kind of check out and like, avoid doing all the things. Have you ever felt that way at all? Like,

Christine Li  10:09  
I am not a crawl into bed kind of person, I think I go in the other direction. I think when I'm upset, I tend to kind of pile it on. Breathe and more in. But that doesn't help. That's,

Michelle Fernandez  10:22  
that's when you go to the other extreme of what? And it's funny that you say that because then I was like, all right. Because once I discovered and I was exposed to, like coaching, like I didn't even know that was a thing, right? And I remember being um, it was for network marketing. And I went to this live event, it was like $97, but then you got your money back when you showed up. So I'm like, oh, it's basically free, I could totally put out $97. And then they pitch to 20,000, I think was $18,000 at the time. And my husband was with me. And I was like, There's no way to let me invest that much money. Like I'm like, Really, what am I going to get. But as we sat there together at the event, because I didn't make him come because I wanted him to support me. And the only way that I knew he could support me is if he got exposure to what was going on and have a better understanding of it. And he also knew the way I was feeling inside, and he wanted me to feel more confident or more fulfilled in life, or to not have to go to the nine to five. Like, even during the holidays, I remember when the kids had off. And he was he's a fireman. So he had time off. And so here I was at work and they're going to the movies are going to here and I remembered that those feelings of like, Am I ever gonna spend time with my kids like, or when I did, I was exhausted from work, right? Anyway, when we were at the event, I totally wanted to sign up. And I was like, Okay, how do I get him? I'm like, I'm gonna convince him to realize that it's he sing it on his own. But he did bring it up. He goes, Okay, so are you going to sign up, and I was like, this is a big commitment. We literally when I paid the deposit, we left with like, 50 cents in our bank account until the next paper. But so it was like, this is something we had to do. But it's all about finding that person that's going to guide you, right. And that's really what gave me the hope and learning the skills that I need to learn to do what I'm doing today.

Christine Li  12:25  
Beautiful, thank you for sharing that story. I don't think I've heard the exact details, all the different details in there. But I find myself wanting to hear more about the part of you that knew that you were settling. And can you talk about what was coming up for you? And how did you know I could make something bigger or better for me work out? What was that dialogue that you had with yourself?

Michelle Fernandez  12:53  
Yes, it's funny that you say dialogue because I do talk to myself quite often. Those inner conversations that mean girl that I literally had to learn to this, like, flick off my shoulder and like turn the volume down, because she still comes out every now and then. But it's not even close. So when I was looking at settling, it was like, my health was deteriorating. So I was sick all the time, because I was so like, I was making myself sick, I really think. And I was we were living paycheck to paycheck. So it was financially, you know, just whatever. We since being in the mortgage industry, like 2008, when the market crashed like that set us back, right. So that's like kind of how we were really living. And I remember keep saying as I as the years were going by, like, how am I ever going to get ahead? It wasn't even how it was like, I'm never going to so everything was coming from that space of lack, because there was no evidence showing me. And as we know, the more you dwell on what you don't want, you get more of what you don't want, right? Yeah, correct. So I was feeling that. So it was the house, the the finance, really the freedom and the control over my own self and my own life. Right. So it was kind of like I knew there had to be a way or an opportunity for me to really just be in control and for me to decide how much money I'm going to make for me to decide if I'm going to take this time off and not really either have to ask anybody or a way for me to switch like kind of get my schedule to be what I wanted it to be. So I actually had a procedure done. And I was home like I had to take like two months off after and I remember I got this Dino was Chalene Johnson is okay, so she was selling this program because I knew her from through Beachbody, right because I did her workouts and she was selling this program called Smart success and I said perfect, I'm going to be home would have nothing else to do. I did make my husband go through it with me because it was certain things that you wanted out of life. And that really opened my eyes to what is possible, like, because I really just think I had no clue. Like for me I grew up with and it's like you, you work a nine to five, you work it for however many years. So you have your retirement or whatever that was, it wasn't any of these options that all the young people have this today. So I think it was just that exposure of I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired, like I do, you have control. And now is the time to do it. Because if I continue to live like this, I'm going to be 60 or 70 years old. And this is where I don't want to be at this age, it was like I just made the decision. Like, I can either crawl back in bed, or I can say I don't want to be in the same position this time next year, this time next month, right? As long as I'm progressing, then I know I'm gonna get where I'm going. So it was a struggle to do that and push through it. But I think that was the turning point where it was just like, I was sick and tired. I put my body in this ground. It was almost like rock bottom. And then like really did I have to wait to get to this. But I did you know? I did? Yes.

Christine Li  16:22  
Yes, thank you, again, for sharing. I just want to pause here to emphasize what you're teaching. Because you're teaching us about the power of thinking positive thoughts for yourself, thinking yourself through to the next phase of your life. And that covering yourself with negative beliefs, probably negative false beliefs is just going to weigh you down and make the current not good situation feel even worse. And it sound like hitting that bottom allowed you to say, okay, now's the time, I have the space, I have the power. And I have a next few steps in front of me because of coaching and just having a mindset that this is possible. That's the first thing that we need to do when we want to make a significant change is believe in ourselves, and believe in the possibility that it can happen for us. So thank you for that important lesson, which is why I did bring you on the show because I knew Yeah, you could deliver there.

Michelle Fernandez  17:25  
And if I say that, because I do, like it did take me a minute. But I literally said, we just talked about this before we have done nobody is a magical unicorn. If one person that you know is capable of doing something you can't do, there's no reason at all other than you not taking the actions you need to take for that to get done. Right. So it's possible you have the evidence, why not you? Right? So you just gotta go for it, you know,

Christine Li  17:57  
agreed. Now, I'm going to ask you what happened after you decided, let's do this. Let's build this. And did this self doubt come back?

Michelle Fernandez  18:11  
Totally. Totally. And you know, I have to say that it did. And it was like ebbs and flows. Right. So the Dunning Kruger effect. Do you have you ever experienced that?

Christine Li  18:24  
I have experienced that? I think a high experiencer of that. Could you explain that to our followers?

Michelle Fernandez  18:31  
Yes. So I did not know this was a thing until I think last year and when I saw it, I was like, oh, man, this was totally me all these years. So picture like a scale and it's like an L. So the top to bottom is your confidence, right? And then right to left is your competence, right? Your skills. So when you first learn something, your confidence going high, and like yes, I got this. But then as you're learning more, and you're kind of you're like, wait a minute, this is more than I thought it was or this is harder than I thought it was your confidence drops. Because you're you're becoming more competent. But if you choose to move through it, then your confidence starts going back up. But what happens is, is most people including myself, was like, Oh my gosh, this feels crappy. I don't want to feel this lack of confidence. So now I'm going to go after a new niche or Okay, now my confidence drops. Okay, now I'm going to change my offer. Okay, then okay, now I'm going to change my avatar did it. So you keep trying to go after that confidence. It's only if you choose to that uncomfortableness that awkwardness that oh my god, that imposter syndrome that we all face at some point in time that we move through, then we become up and we become world class at whatever it is that we're doing. And I think that I was doing that. I know I was doing that the whole entire time because I thought that's what confidence was right. I wanted to feel that way, not realizing that I needed the competence, I needed to become more of a master. I just kept saying, Oh, well, this is gonna take me forever. But then what happens? You end up being a jack of all trades and a master of none. And then it's like, well, how does somebody know that they're gonna come to work with you, if they don't really know what you're doing, because you're doing 100 things, you know. But the whole confidence thing I think we're at came down to is, I had to become more self aware of when these things were happening, self aware of when these negative thoughts were coming into my mind. And I was listening to that mean girl, and telling me trying to protect me from doing anything new, right? And getting out there and just saying, no, no, no, this is what I need to go through. In order to get this Yes, to go on live video, I'm going to be nervous, I'm probably going to fumble my words, or I'm going to do whatever. And that's okay. Like, you know, it's not the end of the world type of thing. You know?

Christine Li  21:03  
Absolutely. Thank you for that second lesson, which is great. Dunning Kruger is basically self doubt in a graph, right. And we have to know that just because we're doubting ourselves, that's not a sign or indication that we lack competence, or even confidence. It's just a syndrome. So thank you for sharing that principle. And let's have our listeners tuck that away. So that they recognize the next time they feel frightened of something daunted by something held back by that mean girl or mean boy voice in their hearts and minds that they can actually still continue and find the win, find the rewards, find the accomplishment, find the finish line, even because that's satisfying in itself, and a confidence builder. So don't deprive yourself of these great opportunities to learn, to experience to be scared, and to grow your competence and confidence. So thank you for that.

Michelle Fernandez  22:20  
Absolutely. And I honestly feel if you're not feeling the fear, then you're not doing enough. You're not You're not playing big. And you need to not only get on the field to play, but you need to play big. So if you're just like coasting through, and you're like, This is a piece of cake, like, you know, you're you're doing something wrong. Because I think, no, honestly, I think that you can still know yourself. And I can tell you, there's these big influencers out there, they have to feel some sort of fear at each level, right? It's just a natural thing. It's just how you choose to move through it and how you choose to deal with it. That is going to get you to that next level, because I think this just is all fearful. Yes, yes.

Christine Li  23:03  
So now I want to shift our conversation a little bit to one of my favorite topics, which is habits, because I know you're a big fan of habits too. So could you share with us a few habits that have helped you to stay the course to grow your business and your confidence, and still have time to enjoy the children, your husband, your life outside of work?

Michelle Fernandez  23:31  
Mm hmm. So one habit that I never did, and is not just a morning routine, right? Because everybody's like morning routine, rather than a workout and this and that. And I will say it varies, but it is something a way to kick off my day. And or include in my day, whether it's in the morning or in the evening, I definitely make sure that I get things in and that is one of the main things besides you know, working out and all that stuff is filling your mind with the stuff that you need to hear whether it be listening to a podcast, whether it be reading a book, or whatever you need to be doing, constantly filling your mind. And I will tell you, I remember back when we first started, I would listen to Brendan Bouchard. He had this podcast now I think he's changed it. But I remember every morning driving to work, I would listen to that. And I would come home and I or I would call my husband, I'd be like, let me God talking to me, just he's like speaking to me and everything that I'm going through. And it was like months and months and all of a sudden it hit me that hey, he's not just talking to me. Other people are going through these things too. And then that was when I realized, okay, this is normal. I am doing a normal thing. Right? So it's the same thing because like I said, every day you can be having a sales call or you can be giving a presentation or something that you're nervous about and you're like, Well wait, can I really do this? Am I the expert am IV authority Be so and so knows better than me. But when you're listening to this and you're filling your head, it just reminds you of all this stuff that you know that you are and that you know you are meant to be. And your show up in your day and during these events, so different. So that is one habit, however you choose to do this, but definitely fill your head with the things that you need to be right. Another habit, especially when it comes to business is I have my systems and I follow them to a tee. People already tell like he didn't check that box, you didn't mark the statuses. Because when you have these systems in place, and make it a habit of actually kind of fulfilling on on them and going through and following the step by steps. It just relieves you don't have to think like Did I forget something? Well, no, if you went through, you got it. And then now you're like for me. And I hear these horror stories. And I'm like, I can't even believe this happens. Like for somebody ads, and they're launching, they've had their ads, managers forget that they were launching, and then the ads didn't start. And I'm like what? So if you have it all written down in your calendar and everything in place, then you can go with confidence, knowing that you are on track, you're doing all the things and it's just less taxing on your mind. Like, did I get this time? What else do I have coming? You have everything mapped out? For sure. And with family, I'm really making a point into putting time aside, right like Okay, guys, you know, we love watching reality TV, or MTV has the challenge. It's something like we all sit down and go, Okay, we're gonna watch this, tonight, we're gonna watch Real Housewives are just making the point of not allowing work to get in the way. It's like, okay, I'm going to stop my day at whatever time. And the rest of the time is just either for me to just check out, be with the family, be with my husband, do all those things. Because then you feel like you're enjoying life more, right? It's just not every day runs into each other. And I think creating that habit has helped me like enjoy life more. If that makes us, it definitely

Christine Li  27:14  
makes sense. And I think pre planning and setting limits to how much work occupies our lives is in those are incredible habits. So thank you for teaching us even more. Now, I would like you please to talk about the feeling of success and where your company has come and what kind of freedom and confidence it has given you tell us where you've taken your company, and also how people can work with you. So we're at that point to

Michelle Fernandez  27:53  
Alright, so first, I did not want to run Facebook ads for people. I remember in this when I was in this. The first group I first mastermind that I was in was really group coaching. And I really learned all about digital marketing, attraction marketing, Facebook ads, and then when I joined other groups, people would say, oh, my gosh, how come you're getting these results? I want to get those results too. And I would be like, well, you can just learn how to do it like I did. I wasn't that I realized that not everybody has the same skills. Right? And or even if they could, they don't want them because their brains just don't work the same way. Right. I remember one of my masterminds, this one girl, she just kept on and on with me, Michelle, you got to do this, you got to do this. I'm like, Listen, this is not my jam. This is what I want to do. And I remember like sitting apart from her, so I didn't have to hear. And now I couldn't be more grateful, because she saw something in me that I did not see in myself, which is so special, which is why you should be part of these group things that, you know, masterminds are coaching programs and stuff. And even if you are a coach that you're facilitating this for other people is just amazing, right? So then I just gave it a try. And at that time I was charging, like I felt like I can't charge a lot for this because I am not the expert. You know, I can only do this for myself. I can't do it for other people. And then here I am today a couple years later, and I got like a full book of business helping people not only with their campaigns, but with their funnels with their offers. You know, having six sometimes seven figure launches, it's just it's just like, I even am amazed that myself sometimes because of the self doubt. Like when I go to get on the call, I get all nervous. And I'm like, No, I think I could do this. This is gonna be good. And then as I'm talking sometimes, like when I'm hearing the words come out of my mouth. I'm like, why are you doubting yourself Michelle, right, like give yourself some credit and then I have allows me to just really dive in and not hold anything back with the ideas that I have to help people. And that's really where I'm at where I'm like, I'm not looking at you as my client, I'm looking at who you serve, and then who they serve. It's almost like that ripple effect, that I really take it serious that I'm like, helping people beyond who's just in my book of business. And I think that's what contributes to my success. Because I'm seeing as such a bigger picture, I don't put all the the weight even on the revenue that I'm generating. It's about how many people that I'm helping. Another huge thing that I don't think we talked about when we're talking about success for me to get more confidence in that was detaching the emotion from the outcome. Right? That was huge for me. And that was very difficult for me to do, because I'm like, Yeah, sure, you're saying that, but who's gonna pay the bills? You know, but as soon as I did that, everything just shifted. Everything shifted. So if that's something a habit that you can create, I would definitely suggest that. So yeah, so now I work with, you know, six, seven figure entrepreneurs, and they trusted me. And I would have never thought that a couple years ago, you know that somebody of that caliber is going to trust me with their growth with you know, them filling up their programs. So that is pretty cool. To actually recognize where you come from, right? Or even if it's just one thing, what are you celebrating every day, every week? Whether it be something small or big, you gotta celebrate that, in order to build your confidence, for sure.

Christine Li  31:48  
Yes, thank you so much. It has not been that long since we met at the conference and wondering what we were possibly doing there and what we were going to learn. So grateful to have witnessed your journey and to be learning from you. I want to mention that Michelle has this beautiful podcast, that traffic and conversions show. She's a beautiful host, you can hear how much joy and warmth she has in conversation, too. And she's got so much to teach us. And I am just excited to see where you take everything next. Could you please tell us you're welcome? How our listeners can follow you stay in touch with you?

Michelle Fernandez  32:32  
Yeah. So everywhere. My packets, like you said is the Traffic and Conversion show and then you can find me everywhere at v th e, Michelle Fernandez. So on Instagram, Facebook, and also my website is the Michelle Fernandez calm.

Christine Li  32:46  
I love you, Michelle. Love you, too. Thank you for coming on. Any last words for our listeners?

Michelle Fernandez  32:53  
Now I just say I mean, well, first of all, I love you. So whatever. She says, Listen, listen and follow, do what Christine tells you to do. Thank you. And I love that you're coming from the confidence side and what we were talking about today, because it is difficult, right? It is challenging. And I remember sitting at that first, you know, event that we're sending together, I was not even in Facebook ads back then, like I was in something else. And really struggling of what I wanted to do what would be I felt like I had to pick the perfect thing or what I was good at. And I remember even even for me, they were saying, oh, whatever you've been doing, teach that. And I thought I don't want to teach mortgages, right? Where if you're in this particular situation where you're kind of like, I don't know what I want to do trust that everything's working in your favor. And it will happen in due time, right? You just got to continue to show up and know and trust that it's going to be happening, I think is the best advice that I can give.

Christine Li  33:59  
I think that is wonderful advice. Thank you for sharing so many brilliant pieces of wisdom and knowledge and stuff we have been learning together to over the years with our listener so generously. And I just encourage our listeners to go follow Michelle and learn from her too. And thank you so much again and our dear listeners. I will see you here back again next week. Thanks for being here on the make time for success podcast. Bye. Thanks. Thank you for listening to this episode of The Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success talk to you soon

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