Mastering Self-Respect and Boundaries to Conquer Anxiety

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the make time for success podcast. This is episode number 226. If you're like me and you believe that everyone has the right to feel heard and to feel seen and to feel respected, then this episode is really just gonna be right up your alley. In this episode, I talk about the topics of self respect and boundaries and how important both of these concepts are and how important it is to have both in your life. And in this episode, I discuss several ways that you can protect and enhance your self respect and how to legitimately protect your boundaries when in conversation with other people. I give examples from my own life, and I also demonstrate what an affirmations waterfall can sound like. I introduced the concept of an affirmations waterfall in episode 225. And in this episode, you're gonna hear a fully written one, and you're going to experience how powerful an affirmations waterfall is as well.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:17]:
So let's go learn about self respect and boundaries together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:26]:
Hi. I'm doctor Christine Lee, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power,

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:57]:
you're going to

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:57]:
see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:09]:
Hi again. Today, we're gonna talk about a really important subject, and that is the subject of self respect and boundaries. I feel that these are important topics because when we are not protecting our self respect and our boundaries, I think we end up living in a perpetual state of anxiety. And that is because anxiety is not just what we worry about and things like fear and overwhelm. It's also just everything that we are sensing from the world. It's the signals that we're picking up about other people, about the future, about scenarios that we're involved in. And so if we don't have a well honed process for dealing with all that incoming information, all of those sensations that we are processing every single day all the time, then we're going to feel overwhelmed. We're gonna feel like we've got more anxiety than is comfortable.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:26]:
We're going to feel distracted, and we're not gonna feel our most powerful self. And if you've been listening to the show for any length of time, you know that I'm really pro feeling like you're powerful, really pro feeling like you've got your wits about you, and really pro feeling like you're functioning and operating and existing as your best self. So let's just think about all the different ways that anxiety can come through to us. Anxiety can come through other people's expectations, whether they're real or not, whether you're just thinking they're expecting things of you or if they're actually expecting things of you, can be judgements from other people, can be criticism, it can be obligations that you have. And we can even feel vulnerable to other people's mood. We've all been there. We've all been there when somebody's crabby or when somebody has a misunderstanding about what we've done. All of a sudden, you feel like you might be vulnerable.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:38]:
And my argument here is that you want to get really good at filtering what is worth putting in the anxiety bucket and making sure that most of the things that are coming in sensation wise or information wise are put outside of the anxiety bucket, that you don't have to process every little message or inkling into your heart as anxiety. And I think this is gonna be really, really powerful for you and really, really healthy for you. And I'm going to show you a few practices for getting better at doing this. One key practice for preserving your self respect and keeping your boundaries really strong is knowing how to verbalize what you're sensing happening to me, then we don happening to me, then we don't take advantage of the opportunity to say, you know what? This is what I need. You know what? This is what I don't need. You know what? This is what I like and what I do like. And whether it's in a conversation or at work or even at an appointment that you might have with a medical professional or someone like that, these are just all opportunities for you to use your voice, represent yourself, tell the other people or the other person what you need, and then come away from the interaction with less anxiety, with more of a sense that you have represented yourself and that you are taken care of by yourself and by other people and that you are safe. Again, when we don't know how to do that reliably or clearly, especially in situations that really matter, like medical visits, we can walk away feeling like we were not understood, that we were unseen.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:52]:
And in the end, what happens is that we end up feeling even more anxious. Alright? And the reason why I'm mentioning medical appointments is that a while ago, I checked into the ER, the emergency room, because I was having chest pains. And they had been going on for a long enough time, long enough, that I was just thinking, I need to get this really checked out to make sure there is not something more serious going on. I didn't really, really feel like there was, but I just felt like I need to be dutiful, I need to be careful, and let's get checked out. Fortunately, on that day, it was really quiet in the ER, and I was seen right away. And the doctor that I got assigned to was kind and courteous and patient. And after the initial tests, he mentioned that I would be being sent to go get a chest X-ray. And I personally try to avoid X rays when I can.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:02]:
I of a certain age, I've had a lot of X rays, and I've just developed this personal policy to try to avoid unnecessary X rays. So I mentioned this to the doctor. I mentioned that I might be curious about exactly why I was being sent for the X-ray. And he said, no need to worry. There are three things that we're gonna rule out with this check's X-ray, and they're all pretty significant, so you should get the chest X-ray. So the next thing to happen was the X-ray tech came to visit, and he was also lovely and patient and kind. And I got into a conversation with him, and I expressed my curiosity as to what was involved in this whole X-ray assignment for me. And he then kindly encouraged me to have another conversation with the doctor, which I very happily did.

Dr. Christine Li [00:09:02]:
The doctor came back in, and I asked him to go through the list of three things that he'd be ruling out with the chest X-ray. And one by one, the two of us went through the list, and I came to the decision that I was fine skipping this X-ray. And he, in the end, given my concerns, my own medical history, and the fact that he didn't think I was actually at grave risk for something serious that I was originally visiting the ER for. We both agreed that it would be okay, totally fine, actually, for me to skip the X-ray. And this, by the way, is not medical advice for you. I really wanna make sure you're clear about that. You should always follow the guidance of your health professionals as you need to, but also be aware of your own unique situation. So decide to have conversations with the doctor or the nurse or whoever is taking care of you if you feel like you have a concern or a doubt or a wish to bypass or forego a certain examination or test, I think it's something that we have the right to be able to express ourselves in these situations.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:28]:
Even though we're kind of trained to just follow directions, we really do have the right to have conversations with our medical professionals and anyone else who cares for us or that we hire to care for us. So that said, I want you to know that I was really comfortable with this situation. I was comfortable standing up for myself. I was comfortable representing myself because this isn't just some idea that I have. That x-ray would have been something that would have been something that my body had to absorb. Right? And I think I was proud of myself for just getting to this point in my life where I know that I can represent myself in this firm, comfortable, nonanxious way, knowing that I always have the right to make my own decisions and gather any information I need to from other people to help me make my best decision for myself. And I'm sharing this with you so that you can think, what would it be like for me to have this kind of voice if you don't already? I'm not assuming that you don't know how to do this for yourself. But if you feel nervous speaking to authority figures, if you feel like you just haven't had much practice standing up for yourself, this is your invitation to decide, you know what? It's best for me to start practicing these skills, to start sensing what I sense, but also taking action on that information.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:18]:
When I have the intuition that I'm not quite comfortable here, I'm going to try to voice that. I'm gonna give words to that. Nothing dangerous is going to happen to me when I do. You really have to convince yourself that you're safe before taking the action to actually create safety for yourself. So often, in our minds, we are thinking we are in danger by speaking up. And I just feel like that is training that some of us have that really acts as a clamp on our voice. Like, it's a it's like a cover or like, a piece of tape over our mouths. And what better skill do we have than our voice? It's such a powerful tool that we have to protect ourselves and to represent ourselves and to establish safety.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:23]:
It's not just for us. It's also a way of interacting with other people in the most authentic and powerful way. When other people really understand what we need and what would make us feel safe and comfortable, I believe that improves the situation for both people involved. I do not believe that when one person in the interaction holds back their voice, that everything's going to be hunky dory. Typically, things aren't hunky dory when one person walks away from the conversation feeling unheard, unseen, invisible, or vulnerable. So this is, I guess, my love message to the world and to you to encourage you to trust yourself, trust your intuition, trust those nudges that you'd like to ask just one more question of the person you're interacting with. Be okay with feeling awkward in the beginning because that's your pathway to finally feeling really safe instead of just dealing with this anxiety inside your chest and not having any relief for it. And I think when you do this consistently and with confidence time and time again, you're gonna just get stronger and safer and more calm and more informed, and other people are gonna know you better as well.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:55]:
And I think that is a beautiful picture to imagine. Alright. Now, I have another piece of this episode, which is connected to what I did in the last episode on affirmations waterfalls. That actually was a pretty popular episode. Many people requested the free download for the affirmations waterfall episode. And if you would like that free download, that was make timeforsuccesspodcast.com/waterfall. In that episode, I described the power of listing a quite long list of affirmations so that you can overcome your negative thinking and your fear and elevate your mood through these affirmations, these powerful positive statements so that you can feel like you can head to your goals without shrinking or hiding or moving backwards. You're actually gonna keep strongly moving forward with the help of these affirmations and the support of the affirmations waterfall.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:11]:
And what I did connected with this episode on self respect and boundaries and speaking up is I experimented with a new app that I learned of. It's called VoicePal. Again, it's voice pal, one word, v o I c e p a l. And what I did was I just spoke into my phone and into this app a few comments and ideas that I had for this episode, the ones that I just shared with you. But then I also asked the app, which is AI, essentially artificial intelligence, to create a list of affirmations to go with this topic of self respect and boundaries. The app used the ideas that I input through my voice messages to the app. So I'm going to open up the app and then read the list to you. Now I had it open, but I now need to go find it again.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:16]:
So I'll have you wait a second, but here it is. Okay. So here's a list of 13 affirmations in affirmations waterfall on the topics of respect and safety. Listen closely because by listening to these affirmations, you're gonna feel the effect of having lots of different affirmations one after the other. One, I am safe in representing myself. I trust that I am responsible for my own safety, and this belief opens doors to countless possibilities. Two, I recognize and honor my feelings. Whenever I feel a violation, frustration, or misunderstanding, I allow myself to pinpoint it, verbalize it, and address it with my energy.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:04]:
Three, I model self respect for others. By standing up for myself, I show others that I require respect, and I maintain my own self respect in the process. Four, I embrace conflict as an opportunity. I release the fear of escalating conflict and instead see it as a chance to practice navigating and resolving issues with confidence. Five, I trust that I am safe in every interaction. Knowing I am safe allows me to express myself fully and authentically without hesitation. Six, I set and protect my boundaries. I do not allow others to disregard my needs or step over my boundaries.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:53]:
My identity and safety are worth defending. Seven, I practice standing up for myself in small ways, whether at the grocery store, with family, or with new people. I build the muscle of self representation through consistent practice. Eight, my powerful voice does not diminish others. I understand that my voice is a tool for collaboration, negotiation, and mutual understanding, not a threat to others. Nine, I believe in win win interactions. Every conversation is an opportunity for both parties to feel respected and valued. I strive for outcomes where everyone wins.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:43]:
10, I am resilient in my self expression. If I overreact or defend myself too vehemently, I trust that I will survive and learn from the experience. I am growing stronger every day. 11, I am worthy of respect in every situation. No matter how small or large the infraction, I am deserving of respect and will stand up for myself with confidence. 12, I collaborate with others to create understanding. I navigate conversations with the goal of mutual respect and clarity, ensuring that both my voice and the voices of others are heard. 13, I am safe.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:29]:
I am strong. I am respected. I carry this belief with me in every interaction, knowing that I have the power to represent myself with dignity and grace. Now I think that was a powerful example of how the affirmations waterfalls can feel. They make you feel so rock solid. They make you feel like you are indomitable. And that's the energy that I'd love for you to have whenever you're taking something big on. Whenever you're moving throughout your day, why not be filled up with this powerful, positive self respect, self belief, self trust, this knowing that it's all gonna work out, it's gonna work out well, and that you have some massive energy to share, some massive role to play in this beautiful outcome that you are expecting will happen because of your involvement.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:34]:
So let's go forward and decide we're going to practice self respect. We're gonna practice great boundaries. We're gonna practice healthy communication. We're gonna practice safe, empowered communication where everyone gets to win and everyone gets to be fully informed and fully engaged. It's gonna be a wonderful outcome for all. Alright. So for this episode, I've developed another free download where you can get the 13 affirmations I just read and have a copy for yourself. And you can get that at maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/respect.

Dr. Christine Li [00:22:23]:
Again, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/respect. If you'd like to try out that fun new app called VoicePal, you could use my affiliate partner link to try that out for free. And you can get that by going to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/voicepal. And then finally, I just wanna let you know that I'm joined next week on the show by the wonderful Rita Black, hypnotherapist and weight management coach for a lovely conversation. This will be our third time speaking together on this show, and I just can't wait to share that episode with you. Have a wonderful week, and thanks for listening to this episode. I enjoyed talking with you. Bye.

Dr. Christine Li [00:23:19]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to, and let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.