Midlife Comeback: How to Make Sustainable Health and Wellness Changes with Holly Bertone

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the make time for success podcast. This is episode number 198. If you're wondering what is the secret to maintaining healthy habits consistently in midlife, this is your episode. My guest expert and the woman who's going to teach us a lot of things today is Holly Bertone who is coming back to visit the podcast after gracing us with her wisdom in episode number 142, healing through gratitude. Holly Bertone is a former FBI chief of staff for counterintelligence turned certified holistic health coach. She helps midlife women to find the clues to prioritize their health so their high achievement lifestyle no longer clashes with unwanted weight gain, lack of energy, and restless nights. She helps women to combine the principles of high performance and mindset to ditch diet culture and create sustainable results that are an effortless part of their lifestyle. She also is a keynote speaker, number 1 Amazon bestselling author, and host of your midlife comeback story podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:17]:
She happens to be a trusted and admired friend and colleague as well, and I'm so thankful that I got to learn from her in this episode. You're gonna learn the ROCKY framework that she's put together that is both meaningful and helpful. I can't wait for you to hear this material. Let's go listen to it now. Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:11]:
When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast. Hi there, my friends. Today, I'm really excited because I'm welcoming back my friend and colleague, Holly Bertone, to the show. She gave us a wonderful episode quite a long time ago, but we're welcoming her back because she's lit a fire with her new passion for helping midlife women to take back control of their health and their behaviors and their mindset regarding health. And I can't wait to interview her and find out all about this passion and what she's doing with her clients and audience. Welcome back to the show, Holly. Good to see you.

Holly Bertone [00:03:07]:
Doctor Christine, thank you so much for having me back on the show. I really appreciate it, and, yeah, looking forward to connecting with all your listeners.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:14]:
Yes. Yes. Yes. Holly, by the way, is also an established and very masterful public speaker, so we are gonna have a wonderful episode today because I know I'm basically gonna be sitting back asking questions as my curiosity comes up, but I know Holly is just gonna give deliver such a wonderful presentation here today. Holly, just get us started with how this all came together where you decided to focus on helping women in this particular subject.

Holly Bertone [00:03:46]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And I actually I wanna go back to when I was about 10 years old. And I promise this it's not gonna take a lot, but I wanna I'm gonna put a really pretty red bow on this because it's all gonna make sense. And you're gonna be like, oh my god. This is it. So yeah. When I was 10 years old, one of my favorite things to do was I would take 3 different 1,000 piece jigsaw puzzles.

Holly Bertone [00:04:08]:
So 3 different puzzles, 1,000 pieces each through this huge dining room table. And I would dump them out, mix them up and put them together because putting one together wasn't challenging enough. So I had to put 3. That's what 10 year olds do. Nerd alert. But that's how my brain has always worked. I love looking at messes and putting them back together. So and I know that's near dear to your heart as well.

Holly Bertone [00:04:36]:
And fast forward, the pinnacle of my career was when I was the chief of staff of the FBI's counterintelligence program, program management office. And to get to that position, they had actually brought me on post 911 when, you know, if you remember back in the day, the Internet was still pretty new. Databases and programs and systems were still pretty new. And all of our government agencies were very archaic. The FBI was one of the best in terms of being archaic with our with our technology. So I came in to look at so this was after the 911 commission report came out from Congress and after the WMD commission report came out from Congress. And they're like, there's a lot of pieces within the FBI that don't talk to each other, that need to be more cohesive. So that's what I did for 4 different programs.

Holly Bertone [00:05:28]:
I would look at the mask, put it back together from a project management perspective, And then they brought me on as the chief of staff for the counterintelligence program management office, which was a dream come true because I got to play with data and analytics and look at trends all day long. It was literally a dream come true. But then the short version, breast cancer, autoimmune disease, and really my health just tanked for several years and to the point where I needed to resign from the FBI and really just focus on my health. And I decided at that point, after a lot of marinating in my misery, that I really wanted to become a health coach. So I became a certified holistic health coach just to heal myself. I wasn't even thinking of anyone else. And I'm thinking like maybe a 10% improvement. And what I found was that going back to the basics, the nutrition and exercise and sleep and, you know, different lifestyle factors.

Holly Bertone [00:06:29]:
It moved the needle to a degree, but there were certain things that were missing. And that's when I put on the detective hat to go find the clues to figure out what was missing. And then over time between being a health coach and, you know, working with gratitude, which I know we had the, the previous episode, and then coming back to my roots as a holistic health coach, what I'd found is that we get to this place and I work with midlife women, but this is gonna resonate for anyone listening, is that it doesn't matter how old you are, but we get to this place in life where we come here with certain beliefs, with certain, traumas and stories and patterns. And, you know, we we try to make these changes to get healthier, but then it doesn't work. So that's where I really come in is to look at the mess. Right? Look at all of the different pieces that, you know, my clients bring to the table and say, okay, let's turn this into the masterpiece. Like, let's put this puzzle back together. And that brings us to present day with the pretty red bow.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:43]:
Wonderful. I love the mess framework that you actually are enlivened by looking at all the different things all together on a table. I love the 3 puzzle image and and memory and that you help women make sense of what they're doing. What do you find are the most common mistakes? I don't know if there's a better word, but what are the things that women are doing maybe innocently that are somehow sabotaging their efforts to do things in a healthier, more productive way?

Holly Bertone [00:08:18]:
Yeah. That's a really good question. And what I found is that, first of all, 2 thirds of women age 40 to 60 are clinically overweight. And 92% of diets fail. So there's obviously a disconnect there. But what makes matters worse is that you look at the diet industry. It's a multi, multi, multi $1,000,000,000 industry. And it's set up in a way that only 8% succeed.

Holly Bertone [00:08:49]:
There's something wrong there. There's something wrong. Why are we not asking questions why this isn't working? And why it's leaving 92% of us like, okay, this didn't work. Not only did I not lose the weight, but I gained some back, number 1. And number 2, how is it that 2 thirds of us are clinically overweight? So that's where I wanna, like, okay, let's go back to the basics and let's start, you know, putting that detective hat on. Let's start looking back to that root cause. And really the biggest mistake that I see is that women focus on the quick fix. What do I need to do? And it's not intentional.

Holly Bertone [00:09:28]:
It's just, you know, I need to lose the weight. I've got, I've got this thing, this, whatever it is. It's a wedding. It's a graduation. It's a, I, you know, I wanna go out and I wear wanna wear my fancy dress and I'm embarrassed about my arms. So I gotta put a sweater on, you know, or my jeans don't fit anymore. And it's not even just always about the weight. Sometimes it's just the distribution.

Holly Bertone [00:09:48]:
Like we get to a certain agent, things just gravity take it takes over. You're like, wait a second. They start fitting this even the scale hasn't budged. So there so there's something that or even like a diagnosis, you know, either they get diagnosed with something or a loved one gets diagnosed with something, someone, passes away. So there's some kind of event that triggers this. I I need to do this. And they go after, what do I need to do to lose the weight? So the focus is on that number between the 2 big toes, the scale. And I think that's one mistake.

Holly Bertone [00:10:24]:
I'm like putting all the mistakes in the one, but that's one mistake right there is that the number on the scale does not dictate health. It's an indicator, but it does not dictate health. There's a lot of other factors. I was a £110 and a competitive athlete when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So exhibit a, I'm here to tell you that that number on the scale does not mean that you're healthy inside. Mhmm. So so that's number 1. And then number 2 is, okay, what do I need to do? And what do I need to, you know, what foods do I need to eliminate? Or, you know, how can I limit my calories? Calorie restriction is really big.

Holly Bertone [00:11:03]:
You know, so those are 2 of the biggest mistakes that I see. And I wanna jump into the base camp cycle because this is really I really see this over and over again. Is that we and I know you're gonna love this. I know your listeners are gonna love this because this is like this is a lot of where your your work is like, oh, yeah. I totally see this. Is you have this thing, you get excited to start to do the thing. Right? And and it's almost like a New Year's resolution. You get excited as you think, you're like, I want to accomplish this.

Holly Bertone [00:11:35]:
And that excitement is gonna carry you for about 2 weeks. And you're gonna do the thing for about 2 weeks. And you're excited, you know, maybe get a cute little new outfit or a new pair of shoes, but then it gets hard or an obstacle happens. And you're like, Ugh, okay. I'm gonna rely on willpower. So we're starting at the base of the mountain and we're trying to climb this mountain. So we're excited for 2 weeks. The obstacle happens.

Holly Bertone [00:12:04]:
And then you're like, oh, I can rely on willpower. Well, willpower is not gonna get you very far. Because the second another obstacle happens and I'm not even talking anything big. I'm talking it's a rainy day. You know, the dog poops on the carpet. You know, you get in a fight with your spouse or your your kid forgot their homework. You know, something small triggers it. And you're just like, this is too hard.

Holly Bertone [00:12:29]:
I'm just gonna start on Monday. And then guess what? Monday never happens. And instead of climbing the mountain right back at base camp. So that is, again, in a nutshell, one of the biggest mistakes. And, you know, things like procrastination comes in. Right? Like, oh, I'm gonna go do this instead of working out, or I'm gonna go do this instead of meal planning this week. Or I'm gonna go do it's just we we find all of the excuses to make rather than doing the thing that we need to do. And when it's not a part of our life, like a part of our livelihood, it's really hard to do it.

Holly Bertone [00:13:14]:
And I almost like to think about, think about when you were like, when you were in love, like the first time, like not even the first time you were in love, but when you were in love and and you, like, kind of first met that person and you're really excited to spend time together and your friends were like, oh, we should go do the movies or go do this or that. And you're like, no. I am spending time with my sweetie. Like, there is nothing in your way that's gonna take you away from spending your time with with your sweetie. Well, this is how we need this to be. Because if it's hard, we don't wanna do it. If it requires effort, we don't wanna do it. If we hate it, we don't wanna do it.

Holly Bertone [00:13:55]:
If we're starving, we don't wanna do it. So how do we turn this into something like that love, like that first love? Like, I can't wait to wake up in the morning and do the thing. And when your excitement level is there, and even like the excitement will wear off. Right? It it it always does. But when you have that level of sustainability, that it is a part of you, that's when you can get these these not just the habits, but be to become an entire lifestyle change. And that's when it sticks. And that's what makes it permanent. And when you ask what's the difference between the woman in that 8% that does have this healthy habits with her weight and her nutrition and her exercise and her health versus the 92 that continue to struggle, that's it right there.

Dr. Christine Li [00:14:49]:
Okay. At this point, thank you for that beautiful description of the base camp cycle. I love that. And how we're always going to be drawn back to the baseline when we're relying on just, like, moment to moment motivation, finding the reason to go today and not having it be part of our lives, like you beautifully said. But then I thought to myself, well, Holly is the kind of person who threw 3,000 pieces of a puzzle on a table and mixed it all up and got pleasure out of that. So I'm assuming you're very high willpower, high personally motivated person. So did you yourself have any difficulty making these behaviors part of your life? That's the first question.

Holly Bertone [00:15:41]:
Okay. Yeah. So back in my twenties, I was 40 pounds overweight. And when I lost the weight, I did it just by I didn't even change my nutrition at the point. I just did it by exercise. And I was in my twenties, so or like early thirties. So it was a time where your metabolism is still working in your favor. So the way that I did it, it it just was because my metabolism was working in my favor.

Holly Bertone [00:16:05]:
But I've been able to maintain a healthy weight from that point, from being a competitive athlete to breast cancer, to autoimmune disease, to being very sick, to now being very healthy. And with only a 10 pound difference, you know, kind of here or there in fluctuations and things like that. So I have been able to maintain a healthy weight. And I think that piece of it is because it was a part of my lifestyle. But I also am one of those people where things sometimes come easy, things sometimes don't come easy. And when they don't come easy, yeah, I'm not gonna let it go. I am gonna be consistent on a daily basis until I get it.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:46]:
Okay. So then if some of our listeners or all of our listeners are not necessarily a self driven, highly motivated person, what are some things that we can share with them that will help them to see themselves as someone who can implement these techniques and make healthy habits part of their life instead of a day to day kind of a thing.

Holly Bertone [00:17:13]:
Yeah. Absolutely. And, and I'll get into the framework, but I really wanna set it up with this is that we bring to the table all of those stories and beliefs and patterns and traumas and all of these things that we consider limitation. You know, you know, some people, you know and I know, like, I was like, oh, I got thick thighs and big bone, you know. Even as a healthy weight quote unquote, like, you know, still having these stories about my body. So I understand what it's like to come to the table with some of this. Like, some of us were told we were the pretty one or the smart one, you know, or the class clown or the good for nothing one. And we have these stories that we have just carried our entire lives.

Holly Bertone [00:17:57]:
So the first step is to really understand that is that we are creating from our past. And Albert Einstein says that everything that's created is created twice. The first is created in our mind and then it manifests physically. So if you're trying to create and you're creating from a disempowered state, from that place of, you know, I don't feel good enough or I don't feel worthy enough or I've always failed in the past, and you're creating from that space, well, the future becomes what we feed it. If we fear our future from a disempowered state, well, guess what it's gonna look like? So the goal here is to really go back and look at these stories. And what I like to say too is we are so if you can if you can think about a coin, right, We are the same person. So you've got all of these stories and limitations and all of the I can't do it's that we bring to the table. But what if we could just take that and turn it around to all of the positives? The I can do it.

Holly Bertone [00:18:59]:
The I have what it takes to do this. And because we're the same person, it's just two sides of the same coin. And I think we forget that. I think that there's so much negative that we'd like to focus on. We forget that there's also the really good side about us. You know, like you said, like, I'm very tenacious. That is, you know, but that can also be right? Like, I can also be a little bit of a poison. So we come to the table with these two sides of the of the of the coins.

Holly Bertone [00:19:28]:
And I think that's really important to remember. So with that framework, I'd love to get into the Rocky inspired framework. And I named it after the best comeback movie of all time. And, yeah, circa 1976. I love the movies from the seventies eighties. And, so I was like, this is the perfect way to to name this framework. So it's rocy And R is Rearview Mirror. And that is really reframing and rediscovering your past from a different perspective and releasing that tether that you have on all of those negative beliefs and limiting beliefs that are holding you back.

Holly Bertone [00:20:09]:
You know, and we can't jump into our DeLorean and go back and change the past. But what we can do is view our past from that place of forgiveness with the other person, with the situation, and more importantly with ourselves. So it's forgiveness. It's a place of compassion and really finding that, that peace and that love, You know, showing up in a place of, Yeah, I can do this. Even though this is a part of my past, it's what made me who I am today. And where we can show up and grow from those lessons and release those tethers from all of those negative beliefs and stories that really sets us up to be able to do what we need to do. Because it's no longer holding us back and we're no longer going back to those old habits. So you are rearview mirror.

Holly Bertone [00:21:01]:
O is I like to say own your ship with a p like a moat. We'll keep it g rated. And this one is personal responsibility. And I'd love to share this story because this is really how I got to this place. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, it was on my 39th birthday. And I went to that first appointment with the doctor. And she put her hand on my knee. And I remind you, I'm a £110.

Holly Bertone [00:21:32]:
I'm a competitive triathlete. Right? I'm like, this is this is like, just old people get breast cancer. Like, how did this even happen? Right? So this is by framework going into this meeting. And she put her hand on my knee. And you wanna know what she told me? She said, lightning struck. And I needed to hear that. I needed to know, like, how did this even happen? But it was actually 2 of the worst words that a doctor can say because it took all of the responsibility away from me and it placed this disease on this random act. And because of that, I was like, oh, well, lightning struck.

Holly Bertone [00:22:12]:
It just happened. Like the doorbell rang and I opened it up and there was breast cancer. It was my unlucky day. So that's the story in my head for years. I didn't make any changes at all. And I kept getting sicker and sicker and sicker. My body was already hospitable to a disease, meaning more disease is going to happen. And that's what happened.

Holly Bertone [00:22:38]:
And it wasn't until I started really going down the rabbit hole and looking into health and looking at it from a holistic perspective that I realized that disease is end state inflammation. So disease happens after a storm of lifestyle and nutrition and environmental and all different kinds of factors. It's not just you wake up one day and open the door and it's your unlucky day. There's a disease waiting for you on the other side. There's a lot of different factors that go into play. And what I learned is that looking back and not from a place of blame or shame or judgment, I don't wanna go there with anyone. Like this is not the place to go. We go from this place forward because we've already forgiven our past.

Holly Bertone [00:23:21]:
Right? But looking at it from, for me like, oh, gee, Holly, maybe eating an entire sleeve of girl scout thin mint cookies isn't a great idea. Like at a time, drinking 6 cans of Coca Cola a day isn't such a great idea. Living a high stress adrenaline junky kind of lifestyle probably isn't such a good idea. And that's what my lifestyle was when I was diagnosed with breast cancer. So looking at it from the perspective of again, there's a lot of different factors, but I have control over so much of this. It's not a guarantee, but it's actually gonna minimize your risk of these diseases. When you look at things like nutrition, exercise, minimizing stress, getting good quality sleep, you know, spending time in the quiet. Like all of these things that you can do, that you have agency over, that you can take responsibility for your health.

Holly Bertone [00:24:18]:
And say, from this point forward, I can make really good decisions for myself. So that is, oh, own your ship with AP.

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:28]:
I love this. And I love how you generously shared with us the lightning struck story because I could see any of us getting that kind of feedback from any number of people and us just quickly saying, oh, then there's nothing I can do about it. When everything is connected with everything, as you so eloquently stated, we have so much control over what is happening with inflammation, with diet, with our routines. And I think that doctor was trying to make you feel better, and it probably did in the very short term, but I love how you turned that around and said, you know what? I still am a host for disease at this point if I don't change my patterns and how I take ownership for what's going on. Ownership for the space. Right?

Holly Bertone [00:25:24]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:25]:
And for how I'm the host, how I choose to be the host of my body and my health. I love this. So keep going, please.

Holly Bertone [00:25:31]:
Yeah. And and I think too it's a it's a conversation. I mean, it's looking at the entire medical system. I mean, it's you go in with the symptom, they give you a pill. There's not a lot of conversation around factors that you have control over. Nutrition's the biggest one. I mean, nutrition is hands down the biggest needle mover. But yeah.

Holly Bertone [00:25:49]:
I mean, you have so much agency in your life.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:51]:
Yes.

Holly Bertone [00:25:52]:
So we got r o c is create your future self. And the the first two is what I like to call the you ing, y o u. This is the doing. This is actually when we get into, okay, what do I need to do to become a healthier version of myself? And again, a lot of women focus on the weight. That's the one that's screaming the loudest, but it's more than that. You know, it's energy, it's sleep, it's actual metabolic health. It's it's making sure that, you know, you're looking at this from a long term perspective. Because I work with women in midlife, middle aged women.

Holly Bertone [00:26:27]:
So we're looking at, okay, I'm gonna be in my fifties, sixties, seventies, eighties, nineties. We're looking at these years ahead of us. And those years are gonna work for us or against us. And we can be that woman in her seventies eighties who's running circles around all the other ones. The one who, when the family calls and says, Hey, we're going to the amusement park. Do you wanna come? She's like, Yeah, let's go. Bags are packed. And she's running around the amusement park.

Holly Bertone [00:26:57]:
Yeah. I wouldn't be that woman. Like, I wouldn't be that way when I'm 80. I wouldn't be able to do the things and not be stuck at home because my body is broken. I wanna be the 80 year old woman who's tripping over her dog and doesn't fall because she's done balance activities. Right? Like, these are the things that we don't think of. You think about squats. How many people say, I hate squats? Right? Like, it's just yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:27:28]:
I love squats. I happen to love

Holly Bertone [00:27:30]:
I do too. I do too. But I hear it all the time. I hate squats. Well, think about it this way. Let's say you're 50 years old and let's say you live to 85, so 35 years. In 35 years, we go to the bathroom, I don't know, maybe 8 times a day. And as we get older, we have pelvic floor issues, probably a little more, but just on average, 8 times a day.

Holly Bertone [00:27:51]:
So 8 times a day, times 35 years, you're going to be doing 100,000 squats, getting up and down on the toilet for those 35 years. So whether you like to do squats or not, like if you don't like to do squats, they're gonna be a part of your life. And if you do them now, they're gonna be a lot easier to get up and down the toilet when you're 80. So it's looking at things like balance, it's strength training, it's, you know, it's it's stretching, it's, you know, making sure your muscles are strong, making sure your bones are strong. It's looking at this from a long term perspective and not just, I wanna lose £20. And when we can do that, we're setting ourself up for the best years of our life. And the thing that I hear so often is, oh my goodness, Holly. I have so many fires to put out.

Holly Bertone [00:28:41]:
I can't think 15 minutes ahead, let alone 15 years ahead. And that is a reframe that we really need to work on because those years come fast. And if you start today, your body is your future self is really gonna thank you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:29:00]:
Yes. I have recently made those mindset shifts for myself, and I've been trying to share that message myself with friends and my audience as well friends in my audience as well because I think we don't often jump ahead and envision ourselves 30 years from now. But I agree with you. It's gonna come super fast. Yeah. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's just how it will go. And I loved how you said the years can either be with you or against you because I find in my own mind that I've already committed that they're gonna be with me.

Holly Bertone [00:29:42]:
Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:29:42]:
And that I'm operating from the framework we're only gonna get more vibrant, that this isn't a period of decline ahead. This is a period of strengthening and enlivening and protection in the best way. Right? Not protecting against danger, but just protection because I love my body. I love my life, and let's get everybody else. Right? I would love to run circles around other people, but I would love other people to be running with me

Holly Bertone [00:30:14]:
Yes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:30:15]:
Yeah. So I'm I'm all with you. So so grateful for your explanations. Let's go to k.

Holly Bertone [00:30:21]:
Yes. So k is keep the vision, not the view. So this is what I like to say, the daily obstacles are gonna happen all the time. It is a 100% guarantee in life that there's gonna be something that happens. It's raining outside. The dog poops on the floor. You're washing dishes and you get that food stuff. And you're like, Oh, I'm running late for work and I now I have to change clothes.

Holly Bertone [00:30:45]:
It doesn't matter what it is. It's always gonna be something. And when we're in that state of a dysregulated nervous system, when we're in that state where we're full on in the sympathetic stress state, and we're just running from fire to fire to fire, what happens is that we can only see what's right in front of us. And we can't keep that vision. And those obstacles happen. Like I said, it's so easy to go back to those old habits and those old patterns. So number 1, it's about learning to coexist with the obstacles and with the stress so that it doesn't hijack your life. So that when they do happen, it's like, Oh, okay.

Holly Bertone [00:31:33]:
This is just, you know I had a a client that told me she came back from a weekend of unexpected family drama. And she's like, number 1, she goes, I didn't get sweat. You know, family drama. Like it's easy to just, they suck you with, like they pull you in big time. They want you to join and spiral. Like that's, that's what family drama does. And she's like, I didn't get sucked into the drama. I did not spiral.

Holly Bertone [00:31:59]:
I maintained, like I was just cool, calm, and collected the entire time and I didn't stress eat. And I was like, this is what it's about. It's not about, like, all of these things that we think that we have to do. It's about who you become. This is the you ing back to the u y o u ing. And when this is a part of your lifestyle, when you actually have that regulated nervous system, and you can look at these obstacles as Yeah. You know, it happens, but it's not gonna I'm not gonna spiral from it. I'm not gonna stress eat from it.

Holly Bertone [00:32:35]:
I'm not gonna comfort eat. I'm not gonna say, Oh, I had the longest day at work. I'm just I deserve a reward. So I'm just gonna drive by the the fast food on the way home. I'm just gonna drive by Chick Fil A on the way home or just get some ice cream from the way home. Right? These are the decisions that you make when you're running from fire to fire. So that's number 1. But number 2, this is kinda cool.

Holly Bertone [00:32:56]:
So we have this term in the FBI. It's called tripwires. And we use it a lot in counterintelligence and it's basically set up so that it's it's literally that like someone trips over the wire. You're like, I caught you. You know? And that's what this really is, is setting up a system in your life so that you know when it's really important. Like when you're on travel, you know, and you have these trip wires set up so that you know, okay, it doesn't matter what happens. I'm not gonna react. And that's part of it too.

Holly Bertone [00:33:30]:
It's not just coexisting with this stress, but it's really being able to almost predict what's gonna happen so that you don't react. And then when you do, if you do decide to, you know, it happened and you do kind of spiral down that road again, you're able to catch yourself immediately and you have the tools to pull yourself back up. Perfect example of this. I was at a speaking engagement at MIT in Boston. And the plane so not just that, but I had to get back the next day because I had another speaking engagement in my hometown. So literally back to back. So I had the travel was tight, really tight. So I needed to like make sure everything was working and I had multiple layers going on to make sure that if something happened, I was prepared.

Holly Bertone [00:34:21]:
I was prepared. I was prepared. Well, the flight was 3 hours delayed. And it was one of those delays that every 20 minutes they kept saying, Oh, we're gonna be it's gonna be about 20:30 minutes. So it wasn't like we're gonna be delayed for 3 hours. It was costed. And I just found a spot, pulled up my laptop and just worked. I didn't think anything of it.

Holly Bertone [00:34:42]:
But it was interesting because as I'm watching everyone reacting, they're screaming at the attendants, You don't understand. I've got somewhere important to go. Well, we all kind of have somewhere important to go. Right? It's a mechanical thing. They kind of have to fix it and there's people to fix it. Like not the ones standing at the desk, you know. And not just that, this is, you know, 8 o'clock in the morning. They're running to Dunkin Donuts are coming back with their bags of of donuts and bagels.

Holly Bertone [00:35:09]:
They're going to the bar and drinking at 8 o'clock in the morning. And it's because we don't know how to handle this kind of stress. Right? And I see this all the time. So it's not just being able to coexist, but it's also being able to almost predict and have those trip wires set up in your life. So that when something does happen, you don't spin out of control. You don't reward E. You don't comfort E. You're just like, okay.

Holly Bertone [00:35:36]:
I'm good. We're good. So that is Kate. Keep the vision, not the view.

Dr. Christine Li [00:35:40]:
I love this. I love this on so many levels. And I'm thinking about how easy it is for me and for probably many of our listeners about the the comfort eating and just the the stress reaction that it's like a tripwire in the other direction where something happens and you immediately think, oh, let me find what's in the fridge Yeah. Kinda thing. So I I love that you're putting intentionality in the coaching and with the support of your clients so that they can have support for themselves when the stressor comes. Love this. Alright. Let's keep going.

Holly Bertone [00:36:15]:
Yeah. So r is rearview mirror. O is own your ship with a p. C is create your future self. K is keep the vision, not the view. And then y is come back home to you. And this is, you know, let's go back to the wizard of Oz. Right? Go behind the curtain.

Holly Bertone [00:36:30]:
You're like, oh, we had it inside of us all along. So this is really coming back home to you and realizing that the different side of the coin. You've got all of these these stories and beliefs and patterns coming into this that were negative. But now you're like, you know what? I'm the same person And I'm just flipping it. And I'm focusing on those qualities that make me the amazing human being who I am and going through this process to get there. But more importantly than that, it's not just coming back home to you. It's the ripple effect and it's the legacy. Because now it's about showing up for your spouse, for your kids, for your parents, for your you know, if if you're in a leadership position at work, for your team, for your coworkers, for all of people in your life and showing them what is possible.

Holly Bertone [00:37:22]:
And I've got a great example of this. I had a client who she was getting back into exercising and she was trying to get her teenage daughter to join her. And she kept saying, you know, like almost like, you know, not begging, but, hey, will you join me? Will you join me? Will you join? And, you know, you're teenagers. They're like, you know, not cool. And the second she stepped into her power, this is about 6 weeks into the program, but she stepped into our power. And it was so cool because she said her teenage daughter was there with her friend. And she was like, you know what? I was just like, I just decided to just work out, just do my thing. And both of the girls were like, can we join you? And it's just such a subtle shift, but it makes all the difference in the world.

Holly Bertone [00:38:06]:
Yeah. I mean, teenage girls, they gotta be cool in front of their friends. So it wasn't just her. It was her being able to be the example for her daughter and her daughter's friend that, hey, you know what? I'm in the middle of the living room. It's in the middle of the afternoon. I'm here getting healthy and I'm taking care of myself. And I think that legacy piece of it is so important too because it isn't just us. There are so many more people in our lives that we touch.

Dr. Christine Li [00:38:34]:
I this is the point where I start to, like, you know, feel the feelings. Right? Because it's so true, and we can affect other people quite quickly with a shift in our own energy. And what you said is so beautiful about we're just returning to the awesomeness of you, which was always there, and it was just covered up by all these old stories and traumas and circumstances and short term views kind of a thing. And and when we're working with our amazingness, it's a lot easier to do the positive, healthy things. Do you agree? Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. As opposed to the downtrodden, overwhelmed burden part of us, which is also like a these are real parts, and if he's and they're they're no joke, but that amazing part of you is always there.

Dr. Christine Li [00:39:29]:
It is has always been there. You're the Rocky. Holly has done such a beautiful job of reminding us about that source that is within you. So thank you for reminding me. Yes. And thank you for all of your wisdom and putting all of your life into this work. It's so apparent how it makes so much sense to you, and it's part of your belief about how things should go. And it's and you've healed your own body from this, which is amazing.

Dr. Christine Li [00:40:01]:
And how has this affected you in your life, if you don't mind putting a bow on top of the bow, in terms of what have you discovered about yourself and and the power of your body?

Holly Bertone [00:40:14]:
Yeah. So, oh my goodness. I, you know, I never thought I would ever be able to achieve this type of vibrant health. But it is possible. You know, I I took a longer road, I think, of most people, but I also learned all the lessons that I get to help others now take a shorter path. I mean, it is a long term solution, but, you know, we can certainly take a take a shorter path. But I always thought when I turned 50 even, looking at I'm like, how is it that I feel like I'm 50, but I feel like I'm in an 80 year old woman's body? Like, I was starting to feel old and I wasn't okay with that. And, you know, I really started diving into this and I'm realizing like, no, we actually can age backwards.

Holly Bertone [00:40:57]:
You know, and I think the biggest compliment for me is when someone thinks I'm still in my thirties. I'm like, oh, this is awesome. But more importantly is when someone says, hey, Holly, do you want to I get to choose based on if I wanna do the thing or not, not based on whether my body says I can or I can't. Yeah. And I keep that thinking I wanna still do this when I'm in my eighties. I still wanna be able to say yes because I wanna say yes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:41:24]:
Yeah. I love it. I love it. So powerful. Such an important message. Thank you again for doing this important work. Can you explain to us how our listeners can follow you, work with you? What do you have available?

Holly Bertone [00:41:39]:
Yeah. Absolutely. So I think the best place yeah. You're you're here listening to this podcast. So the best place is just go on your podcast player, look up your midlife comeback story podcast, and that is mine. And I would actually write this number down. Go to episode 136. This episode is called uncover covert weight loss using FBI tactics.

Holly Bertone [00:42:02]:
Really cool episode. I know you're gonna love it. And then come say hello on Instagram at holly.bertone. Say hello in the DMs. I answer all of my messages, and, yeah, we can definitely talk about if you wanna work together or just say hello and and let me know what you thought of the episode.

Dr. Christine Li [00:42:18]:
Or say thank you for this beautiful, beautiful episode. Yeah. Absolutely. Holly and I are always connected, so all of this information will be in the show notes. I highly recommend listening to Holly's beautiful podcast. Stay connected with her, and we all have so much to learn from you, Holly. Thank you so much again for all of your time, energy, and your power.

Holly Bertone [00:42:41]:
Oh, thanks for having me on the show.

Dr. Christine Li [00:42:43]:
Alright, everyone. If you enjoyed this episode and what you're hearing on the podcast, please do leave me a review for the make time for success podcast. I haven't asked for one of those in a long time, and I think it's about time. And I will see you next week when we have another episode on the show. Thanks so much for being here. Bye. Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:43:15]:
You can also visit our website, https://maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. Talk to you soon.