Release and Renew: Embracing Strategies for Letting Go and Moving Forward

Christine Li  0:00  
Hi everyone. Its Dr. Christine Li. Welcome back to the Make Time for Success podcast. This is episode number 156. 

I am really excited to share this episode with you the topic I decided to focus on for this episode is the topic of how to let go. And whatever you are struggling with right now, whether it be a relationship, a challenge in your life, procrastination, or getting your laundry done. This episode is going to have something for you. Because I think letting go is a topic that we're really not taught so well. We're taught to really acquire and to achieve and to embrace things. But what about the whole process? And what about the dynamics that are involved in letting things go letting things be part of our past, letting ourselves be free of certain things while I cover all of these topics and questions inside this episode, and I share a bunch of different strategies that I've used for myself in my own life and my own procrastination recovery, and also the strategies that I share with my clients, students and patients. And now, you know, I was so excited while talking about the topics in this episode that I forgot to mention that I have created a free download. For you. It's just a summary of the points in the episode and a transcript of the meditation that I do for you. At the end of this episode. It's a meditation about the power of letting go. And I did it so that you can feel like you're really absorbing the information and putting it into practice right away. I hope you enjoy the episode and the download, you can get the download by going to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/lettinggo again to get the download, go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/lettinggo. Now let's go.

Hi, I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped 1000s of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they can begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn a powerful strategies for getting your mind, body and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important, and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy, and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time for Success podcast.

For today's episode, I've chosen the topic, the importance of letting go. We're approaching the end of the year 2023. And I think I get reflective at this time of the year. And I know that many of you do as well as just our habit, we were raised this way to start to think about what have we been able to do, what have we failed to do at the end of the year and what we'd like to do going forward. And that gave me the idea of doing an episode on the topic of letting go because I do believe that it's such an important skill because it allows us to have room and allows us to have room to think, to feel to create, to enjoy our relationships, and to be ourselves when we're attached to this that and the other thing things that no longer suit us habits that don't work for us. ideas that are FALSE or NO LONGER are true. All that hanging on to stuff that doesn't work anymore. It's like not emptying your garbage can on a regular basis. You'll end up feeling like stuff is starting to stink. You'll end up feeling like you have no room to move in your apartment or your home. And I don't want that feeling for you. I want a feeling of freedom, of cleanliness of ease, and a flexibility. I think those are some of my favorite words. So let's discuss together why don't wait, though ways to really learn how to let Things go. So I'm going to start with the story of my own recovery from procrastination because that story would never have happened. If I didn't make a decision that I wanted to have things change in my life, I was at a point in my life or had done decades of procrastinating, avoiding stressing out over everything, messing up so many different moments in my life, letting so many different people down in big and small ways, including myself. And there came a point or a few points in my life where I decided I can't do this anymore, there must be an easier way for me, there must be a better way. For me, there just needs to be some alternative to constantly turning to procrastination and feeling overwhelmed. And that process was certainly there, there really was an alternative. And I want you if you happen to be stuck in a massive bout of procrastination, maybe even years of procrastination. As you're listening to this episode, I want you to know that there are so many different alternatives to having to rely on procrastination all the time, the way that I began to start breaking free, was to explore things and areas and concepts that I hadn't before. The first one that I have on my list is from the book, The Four Hour Workweek, by Tim Ferriss, I really enjoyed that book back in the day when it was published. It's a very old book at this point. But one of the pieces of advice that Tim Ferriss gave in that book was to save time to save yourself a lot of time, by giving up the habit of being all caught up with the news, with the news of the World with the local news with the news of your town, all the different types of news that there are. And having grown up being a big fan of the news, watching the news, reading the news, knowing the news, this was a trip for me, I really had to think about this. But then I realized that this was basically a genius idea. Because as Tim Ferriss said in the book, any really important piece of news you can find, by just going to a meal at your local restaurant, you can find out what is really important in the world by just being around in the world by talking to your waitress or your waiter. And I do believe that is true. And I was able to reduce my news consumption by a lot. Granted, I was not as caught up with daily events, but I had so much more time to play with, to enjoy to use, because I wasn't constantly trying to keep up with the newspaper and the news. So that was one thing I learned how to detach from and to give up and to let go was my news consumption. The second thing that's on my list of things that I learned to let go was errands I think I was just born in a time when errands seemed to mean that you're a busy person that you have things to do that you have places to be right. And I was always somehow spending my time doing an errand planning an errand finishing an errand thinking about a new errands. And when I decided that I really needed to shift away from procrastination errands started to drop away, I think naturally because I started to really value my time at a higher level at a deeper level. And I started to think hmm, could I maybe batch my errands? I think I might have learned that from Tim Ferriss book as well. Could I batch my errands? Could I decide this errand doesn't even need to be done. I could just do without that run to the stationery store to just browse around. And lo and behold, I really survived. And as with the other things on the list that I have for you about things that I let go, I decided and I learned from letting go of all these things that I could survive without any event that we actually don't need the news to survive. We don't need Aaron's to feel fulfilled. You get my message and I'll just move on but the second thing was giving up errands. The third item on the list was overthinking it's not really an item it was really a practice overthink thinking, I think, is just an outgrowth of a habit of procrastination. When you're procrastinating. You have all the time in the world to think because you're not ever taking action. That's basically the definition of procrastination, you are not taking action. And so what happens, you start thinking about everything, you start thinking about your options, you start thinking about how you messed up, you start thinking about how much time you've wasted. And I just decided, instead of doing all of that, kind of chaotic, overthinking, I was going to take action, I was going to take small action, but I was going to use my time to be effective instead of to be reflective all the time. And you know what? action brings excitement, action brings learning action brings results, action brings greater health, because you're not sitting in your chair or lying in your bed all the time, you're actually getting out breathing the air, affecting the world and interacting with your own life. And so I gave up overthinking. And nowadays, I think when I find myself overthinking, I catch myself because I know that overthinking means I'm wasting some time, I'm wasting my time, I'm likely wasting somebody else's time. And I don't like to waste time anymore. So I've done away with overthinking, I'd rather make a mistake than waste time because I think a wasting time is just a huge mistake. Now that I know how to value my time. The fourth item on the list is clutter. Although I'm not completely done with my clutter, bug habits, I really have recovered a great deal. And letting go of clutter was, I think, also a big piece of learning that I had to go through, I started in my closet, my clothes closet, and I decided you know what this place needs to be much more organized, there needs to be much less stuff, there needs to be clothes that I like in here. And I need to have this area of my life be just more sane. And I was able to do that relatively quickly. If you've ever really focus on tidying your clothes closet, you know what I mean? It doesn't take all that long, it can feel overwhelming. But it actually isn't all that overwhelming when you get down to it. And what I learned from that is that I don't have to be attached to my clothes, clothes are just clothes, they're meant to support us, we don't have to get stuck or be overwhelmed by the amount or type of clothes that we have, we can decide you know what I'm going to shape my clothes collection, so that it serves me so that I can look great in the morning. But I don't have to spend all morning figuring out how to look great in the morning. And again, that was just a really fun thing for me to begin letting go. And of course, that one space of the closet was an example to me, of how reducing what you own, will eventually lead to greater clarity and freedom and flexibility for you. And so that was point one of a long journey of me learning that you know, less is more. The fifth item on my list of things that I learned to let go of is self criticism. Again, not a thing, but something so powerful in a person's life. When we are living with a constant stream of self criticism when your internal dialogue is really just all negative, all harsh, all self parading. It can take a lot of time and it can really drag you down. And it can really make you feel like it's not worth moving forward. What's the use of moving forward if you're such a loser, and I just decided that I wanted to side with the part of me that was real, the part of me that likes myself the part of me that likes to be happy, the part of me that wants to feel happy. And you know what that part of me, it turns out is huge. It's really all of me that self critical part was a part that I had learned. It was a part that I had adopted as a way of motivating myself when I didn't know how to motivate myself with positive kind words. But now I know that self criticism is real really, almost never necessary. And it's almost never the best way to go. So if you happen to be a super hyper critical of yourself, I challenge you to take a look at that. See, is that really working for you? In the best way possible? Is that really the only voice that can help you forward? Can you adopt a voice that is more realistic, that is more kind that is gentler, that is more supportive of you and your needs and your goals. And experiment with that, I promise you, it won't hurt. And likely it's going to be just this bright light flooding into your life that you're going to feel that you found something brand new that works that works better than that constant self criticism that naggy voice that never seems to go away and never seems to shut off, I promise you, you can learn to turn that stuff off. What I also let go of this is item number six is relying on procrastination. I think all of the items that I've just listed before letting go of the news of errands of overthinking of clutter and of self criticism. When I was able to do that, I was also able to finally let go of the habit of delaying everything because I was happier. Because I felt like I could see more clearly what was at stake. When I sat in my chair and didn't do anything and overthought everything, I was wasting my opportunities, and I was wasting my time. And so I became much more naturally easily motivated to get things done, I decided, You know what, even if it feels really difficult, I'm going to stay here and I'm not going to give up, I decided to persevere. And I decided that I wasn't going to allow self criticism in the door anymore. And therefore I needed to keep going. So I dropped the habit of procrastination. And the last item on my list is again, not a thing. But it kind of was an action, I decided that I was going to let go of being afraid of everything I used to be afraid of my own shadow, I used to be afraid of making mistakes, of making the wrong choices of letting people down of making a fool out of myself of going blank when I was public speaking, all of these things you listed, I had it. And really in the end, I just had it I was done feeling terrified all the time, I was done feeling like there was no option for me, except to be worried about who was going to yell at me next, I just really had to see the world for how it really is it's actually a world filled with people who are more focused on themselves than they are on me. And people who are also trying to do their very best, and avoid criticism and being yelled at. And so I realized, I think maybe in some ways very strongly from doing the work that I have done as a psychologist with my clients, I saw that there is no use to being afraid all the time. There is no use to imagining these people coming to punish you because they're not these are figments of our imagination. And I think it's just much more fun to live in reality, as a grown adult, as a grown woman, I have really enjoyed being happier, not being afraid of things and really just going for what I want, which is more happiness and more achievement and more freedom in my life. And it really works that way. When you give up the things that you feel like, you can't give up, you learn that you get your freedom. That way, you get your freedom by being more detached by knowing that you can survive most anything and that you will be just fine. So once I did this whole process of letting go of all these layers of all these behaviors of all these ideas, and feelings, I started to feel like I could do anything. All I needed to do was to commit to making a change, no matter what it was, whether it was reading more, or being a better cook, or being a better friend. All of those things were just decisions that I had to commit to and decide were important to me. And then that set the stage for me learning how to do those things, learning how to be better in those As arenas and the same options exist for you, even if you're currently a massive procrastinator, because those possibilities are the same for you, you can grow in any direction that you desire. But again, you have to make that choice. And you have to make that commitment. And probably the procrastination is going to have to go by the wayside, too. So now that I've recovered, for the most part, the clutter the overthinking the procrastination, now I get to teach other people like you how to let go to and I'm going to share with you now, some strategies that I teach directly to my clients when they come to me for help with these kinds of issues. The first one is, we have to remember that nothing is all that critical or important, we go about the day, being very dramatic, sometimes like oh my god, this is the last time that we'll do this, or, oh my god, this project is so important, and everyone's relying on me. And really, that drama can be fun, and entertaining, and enlivening, and maybe stimulating to you. But it's also drama, because in the end, it's a project, in the end is the thing that you do today, in the end is the thing that you're going to forget about a month from now, it will be a distant memory. So remember not to over dramatize things, especially when you're wanting to make changes in your life. Because when we dramatize things, we feel like we have to be more attached. And so again, the idea is to be less attached and more free. The second strategy that I use is I help people to stop focusing on themselves so much when we decide the world is looking at us, when we decide that the world is hinging on our every move, things start to feel really heavy and impossible, and scary and daunting, and aversive. And I don't want you to feel that way anymore about the things in your life that you can do, I want you to feel like you're attracted to your next project, I want you to feel like you're excited about exploring a new hobby, or a new relationship or a new job, or a new food, whatever you're about to explore, I want you to decide that nothing's that critical. And that you can make mistakes, you can experiment that that's part of living, that you don't have to be perfect, and you don't have to suffer under the burden of needing to be perfect anymore. So stop over focusing on yourself and your perfectionism and decide that you can have more fun and expand your horizons and expand your boundaries and your comfort zone right away. The third thing that I teach as a strategy is that you can decide that from now on that when you face a challenge, it's not something to be afraid of, it's actually something that will make you grow in deeper and more meaningful ways that when we run from things that feel challenging, we actually are depriving ourselves of a real opportunity to look at ourselves in a real way to really dig deep and find out what we're made from what we're made of, and what we can do, that we haven't been able to do before. I know this from so many different challenges that I've willingly faced and unwillingly faced, but I do know in hindsight, that it is those challenges that have made me who I am. The fourth strategy that I like to teach my clients is that we can decide to lean towards the positive, instead of being a radar that's always on for the what ifs and the catastrophes that we can think of and imagine, in our Active Minds. I think it's just easier and more fun and more productive and fruitful. When we decide to lean in the other direction when we decide to lean towards what we want to achieve what we want to create what we want to have happen, instead of being afraid and cowering and trembling, in fear and being split apart from what we really want. I think it's just a lot easier to be aligned with what we really want. We want to really have our focus be trained on the future, the future self that we want to be and become the future life that We want to build and enjoy. I think that's what's motivating. And I think that's what's exciting. And that's what's protecting us from all that self criticism and worry and all the mistakes. Because when you're aligned with your goals, and with your true self, things tend to just roll better, you start to feel more in flow, things start to appear in your life, people start to appear in your life, who can help you along the way, because you're more open when you're more aligned.

And I think I have three more strategies. So number five is, think about the things that you're facing, like clutter, if they are feeling like clutter, it is okay to decide for yourself that you want to make more room in your life. So if you're feeling overwhelmed, decide for yourself, I'm going to cancel this meeting, I'm going to postpone this meeting, I'm going to delegate this meeting to someone else. Because you are allowed to have rest, you're allowed to create more room, in your mind, in your heart and in your life and in your space. When you need it when you don't pay attention to that need that need for space and rest and time. Oftentimes, negative things happen things like we fall ill things like we start making mistakes that didn't need to happen, we start letting ourselves down, we start neglecting our exercise and our good eating habits. Those kinds of things happen. So the strategy for learning how to let go of things that you don't want in your life anymore, requires you to be attune to when you need more time for yourself. Basically, this strategy is to prioritize your self care, prioritize taking care of yourself, even if it is an inconvenience to someone else. Because so often we lose our self care when we over prioritize the needs of others, over our own needs. Strategy number six, is that we can decide that stress is not our friend. I think I myself grew up thinking stress is just a part of life, it's something that we have to deal with, and it never goes away. And that's because I was procrastinating all the time. And because I used to worry about everything. And of course, stress was my constant companion. Now I feel that I have a life that is pretty stress less, it is not stress free. But I don't think any life really is because we have complicated lives and things happen in our lives. That is all okay, what I don't have in my life anymore, is the habit of purposefully generating stress. That is what I've let go of I have decided, I am not going to create drama anymore. Because drama takes up a lot of my energy and time. And I'd rather save that energy and time for me and my loved ones, and the things that I love to do. And even the things I don't like to do, it just gives me more time and energy to take care of myself and my life. The very last strategy that I have put on this list of seven is to always remember that before you are attached to the thing that you're struggling with, you were unattached, before that guy who's causing you trouble in your relationship, before that attachment came along, you were perfectly fine without that guy. Without that beautiful sweater that you feel like you can't part with before you were attached to that. You didn't even know that sweater existed. You get where I'm going with this, that we develop attachments, but they're not primary, our primary state is that we're free, that we are unencumbered. So when you feel like you're chained and stressed out and burdened, take a look at what item, maybe an item of clothing, maybe a person, maybe an event or a situation is causing you to feel stressed. Decide to look at that end challenge. All the things that I've taught you in this episode, challenge whether you need to be attached to that thing, challenge whether that's the only way to interact and have a relationship with that thing. Challenge the idea that stress has to be your constant companion. And I'll bet you'll find that you have great creative responses to those challenges. You can find other ways of being you don't have to be stuck You don't have to be overwhelmed. Your classes don't have to be overflowing with stuff that doesn't fit you anymore, I promise you, all that stuff can change. Now I'm going to take you through a brief tapping exercise just to reinforce this message that you can let go of things even when it feels like you can't. And I just want to help you do this at the end of the year, at any point of the year. Anytime you feel like you need a boost, you can come back to this episode. And this tapping meditation exercise that I'm going to do now, if you are inclined to watch me do this, you can watch the video on my YouTube channel. Just look up, make time for success. And you can find this video and watch it as I'm speaking because I will be tapping different parts of my upper torso as I'm speaking, so feel free to follow along, either on YouTube or wherever you're listening to this podcast episode, all you need to do is just follow my behaviors if you're watching the video, and or repeat after me repeat the words that I say so that you really absorb the energy of being able to let go and the energy of being able to change your life for the better just because you've decided you want to. Alright, here we go. Eve even though I feel like I'm attached to so many different things in my life, and in my world, I choose to deeply and completely love, honor and forgive myself. Even though sometimes I feel like I don't know how to behave. I don't know how to get things done. I don't know how to do things properly. I choose to deeply and completely love, honor, and forgive myself. In my old story, I felt like stress was my constant companion. I felt like I had to do everything. I felt like I had to worry and overthink about everything. I felt like I was the person that everyone relied upon to get things done. Even though in my heart of hearts, I knew that couldn't possibly be true. And this old story was really, really troubling to me. It caused me to feel stressed. It caused me to feel depleted, it caused me to feel like I was in this hot spotlight all the time. It caused me to feel like I had very few options when I needed them. It caused me to feel like I couldn't think clearly for myself and for my loved ones. And it caused me to feel sad and unhappy. And I know now that anytime something causes me to feel sad, and unhappy, I have the authority and the rights and the privilege of figuring out how to change that thing. And so now I'm going to do that very thing, I'm going to change my style of thinking about my options instead of feeling like I'm attached to everything, every habit, every item of clothing, every person in my life, every challenge, I'm going to decide for myself, that I have the ultimate power to decide what I choose to be attached to. And what I choose to let go of, I have that power to decide such an important power I know now. And my new story is going to involve a lot more lightness instead of stress. I'm going to bring in light, I'm going to feel light, I'm going to aim for being lighter. I'm going to aim for being more flexible. I'm going to decide to choose what's right for me, and what is not right for me. And I'm going to say no, confidently when I know in my heart of hearts that this event or this invitation or this challenge is not meant for me. I'm going to not get myself attached to everything that crosses my path. I already feel lighter. Just thinking about this new story where I'm the boss, where I set the pace where I make the decisions where I get to make the choices. I feel lighter because I'm deciding to change I feel lighter because I know the future is going to be easier to manage, and more fun when I adopt these new habits, and when I really live into this new story.

And I believe it's time for me to adopt this new story, an adult now, I don't have to be terrified of every little thing. I don't have to be overly dramatic just because something is stimulating to me. I don't have to feel like I need to procrastinate in order to get things done. I don't need to feel like my reputations on the line. Every time somebody asks me for something, or anytime that something comes up, I can just be, I can just do my best. And I can know that that is good enough. That is perfect. That's actually the perfect that I've I've been looking for I was just going about it in the wrong way when I was trying to be perfectionistic. And so I'm going to embrace this new story, with joy, with gratitude, and with ease. And I'm looking forward to all that I will learn about myself as I stick to this new story. And I choose my best path. And I let go of what's not necessary, and I embrace what I wish for in my life. And in all of this, I choose to deeply and completely love, honor and accept myself. Thanks for joining me in that tapping meditation, I invite you now to take three deep breaths while having your eyes closed just to cleanse your whole system.

And I hope you've enjoyed this episode all about letting things go. I hope you feel lighter already. I hope you have lots of different burgeoning plans for how you can implement the process of letting things go now at the end of 2023 and moving forward into the bright year of 2024. Thanks so much for listening to me and this podcast and for helping yourself to be brighter, shine brighter. Live brighter. All right, I'll see you next week. Have a great one. Bye. 

Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time for Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com for past episodes, show notes and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success. I'll talk to you soon

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