The Midlife Energy Makeover Guide

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time For Success podcast. This is episode number 216. Are you ready to transform your midlife energy? In this episode, I'm going to share my very personal insights on how to break free from exhausting habits and revitalize your daily life. I am just now recovering from the flu, so I am especially tuned into the importance of managing your energy wisely. I am going to reveal 3 energy draining habits that I would love for you to leave behind, and I'm going to guide you through 7 practical steps for generating a complete energy makeover in your own life. Whether you are tackling lots of responsibilities, experiencing bodily changes or just seeking a little bit more vitality, I'm going to show you how to stop forcing yourself in your daily life and to start thriving instead. Join me in this powerful conversation about how to revolutionize your approach to energy in midlife. Let's go make this important shift together.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:17]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the make time for success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:02:00]:
So today's topic is how to do a midlife energy makeover. And the planning of this episode is actually ironically very good because I'm just recovering from the flu. So I've been down for the past 60s and quite down actually with very little energy, very little mind to be able to do any work at all. Even emails were feeling too much for me. So I think I might be very well situated right now at this moment to explain some of my thoughts about how to up level your use of your own energy and how to revamp some old habits that you might have around energy use. I'm gonna start by talking about 3 old habits that I think you might be pulling into midlife that might be a drain on your energy in midlife. One habit is feeling that you need to force yourself to get things done. It's this forcing mentality that we grow up with, I think.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:14]:
There are so many different things we have to do while we are in high school, college, graduate school. If you go to graduate school, when you're in your career, whatever you're doing, raising a family, sometimes it can feel like the only way you're gonna get something done is if you force yourself. And I'm gonna call that an old habit because I'm gonna encourage you to consider no longer using force as the main energy source behind your getting things done. So old habit number 1 to consider is the old habit of forcing yourself to do everything, to get everything started and completed. The second old habit is that you're expecting high performance from yourself no matter what across the board, no matter how you're feeling, whether or not you have the flu. You are thinking, well, if it's coming from me, it has to be perfect. It has to be glistening. It has to be top notch.

Dr. Christine Li [00:04:17]:
And I'm gonna call that old habit number 2 that I would like for you to consider changing because I think that can also be a really big drain on your energy. The 3rd old habit that I would like you to reconsider is acting like your energy is undepletable, that no matter how hard you push yourself, you are expecting yourself to have more energy where that came from because you are so motivated to get everything done and to be a good person and to not fall behind on things that you're actually expecting your body and your mind and your energy sources to keep following you, even though you're not giving yourself rest, you are not taking breaks, and you have these super high expectations of yourself. So to review, the 3 old habits that we're gonna take a look at and reconsider are 1, having the idea that you have to force yourself to get anything done. 2, expecting that you're gonna be a high level performer no matter what across the board, and 3, that you don't have to pay attention to where your energy is coming from, that you're expecting yourself to have energy whenever you need it, wherever you need it. And I think there are reasons why I picked these three habits to look at because in midlife, lots of different things happen to us. What happens is our responsibilities change. So we may be working, we may be raising families, whatever you're doing in midlife, what happens is your responsibilities tend to deepen. So they deepen because you're a full grown adult right now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:20]:
You have a fully developed frontal lobe. You understand right from wrong. You understand that people are depending on you. You understand that people are depending on the quality of your work, and you understand that you are here on this planet to not waste your time, and you wanna make good on your time here. So as those responsibilities mount, pressures mount as well. So you're feeling that you need to take care of your aging parents, your developing children, your aging body. All of this becomes one big mountain of responsibility. So that's one thing that changes in midlife.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:06]:
The other thing that changes is our bodies and our energy levels shift in midlife as well. We are not spring chickens anymore. We can, of course, certainly be very vital and vibrant. You've heard me say that on this show, and you've heard me talk about my own efforts to remain vital and flexible and strong, and I wish the same for you. I wish vitality and health to you every single day. But midlife really does bring bodily changes. Right? We're talking perimenopause, menopause. Our muscles and bones are functioning differently.

Dr. Christine Li [00:07:50]:
We might lose some speed. We might lose some mental clarity sometimes, and we might experience stress in different ways as well. I think we're just different at each developmental phase in our lives. Think about it. When you were a teenager, were you worried about the same things that you are now if you're not a teenager now? And I would bet my bottom dollar that you're probably not worried about the same things you were thinking about and worried about and obsessing about when you were 16. It's just a different level of stress and it's a different level of living in midlife. And in midlife, the other thing that happens is that I feel that we have relatively few sources of outside validation for efforts. And by that, I mean, it's it can be rare that people will say to you, great job.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:54]:
You've just done so well. I see your efforts, that kind of a thing. Because people are understanding that you're a full grown adult, that you know what you're doing, you are a high performer, so on and so forth. But you might be missing that feeling that people are seeing you, that they are appreciative of your efforts, and you might be feeling depleted because of all of this, because your responsibilities have become a mountain, because your body is changing and your energy might be a little bit low, and because nobody's saying, oh, you did such a great job all the time. So it may be time for a midlife energy makeover so that you can continuously feed your body, mind, and spirit with good sources of energy so that you can do the good work that you wanna do in this lifetime so that you can keep your body and mind sharp and strong, and you can generate the good vibes, that validation that you crave, that you deserve, and see that in your life and in your work. So that is why I put this episode together, and I have a total of 7 points to share with you about this midlife makeover process. Okay. So the first one is probably the most important one.

Dr. Christine Li [00:10:27]:
You need to turn your focus to yourself. The focus needs to be on you first, and that's because you are the boss, you are the manager, you are the director of all the things that are originating from you. So your energy, your productivity, the way you take care of things and other people, this is all originating from you now in midlife. So you need to make sure that you know what you're thinking, what your values are, what your intentions are, what your plans are, how much energy you're playing with. And you need to constantly be checking in with yourself so that the energy doesn't drain out of you because it's so important in midlife to just have this self regulation. So that's point number 1. The focus needs to be on you first. The second point is you need to be more discerning about how and what you spend your time on.

Dr. Christine Li [00:11:29]:
This may be obvious to you, but I'm gonna state that as number 2 anyway. In the last episode, in episode 215, which I called master the art of saying no, I spent an entire episode talking about why it is so important in midlife to get really good at saying no to the things that you don't wanna do, the things you can't do, the things you used to say yes to now that you're in midlife. So when you're in midlife, take the power of being able to make great decisions about how you're spending your energy and your time. Take that energy back, take that power back, and enjoy the things that you say yes to even more. So step number 2 is make better choices about what you're saying yes and no to. The third point on my list is you need to stand by the decisions you make when you say yes and no. If you're gonna say no, you're not gonna backslide. If you're saying yes, you're gonna double down.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:37]:
You're gonna say anything that I say yes to, it's a hell yes. It's a I'm gonna show up fully. It's my heart and my mind are here. I am in here in the present moment. I am no longer gonna procrastinate on the things I have said yes to. Because when I say yes, it means they are important to me, they are good for me and the world that I live in. And so when I say yes, it's time for me to show up and stand up for my commitments. So number 3 is stand by your yeses and your noes.

Dr. Christine Li [00:13:16]:
Step number 4 is you need to be a constant companion and caretaker of your own nervous system. Now I think many of you know I'm a psychologist, but I'm reflecting now that very little was spoken about when I went to graduate school about nervous system regulation. I was taught a lot about kind of childhood trauma and coping mechanisms and things you might know of in psychology, defense mechanisms, things like that. But I kinda wish I would have learned more back then about the importance of just knowing your body and your nervous system. When are you feeling calm? When are you feeling panicked? What is the difference? And what can you do to prevent yourself from feeling panicked? And what can you do to encourage a feeling of calm more often than not? And I think this is the work of later adulthood, and I think that's for a very good reason. Because we don't wanna be flipping out at anything that comes across our plate or comes across our to do list like we used to when we were 16. We want to make sure that we have our minds with us, our clarity intact, and that we don't waste our nervous system's health by getting upset or dysregulated or panicked every time something changes in our lives. So get really good at knowing your rhythms, knowing what sets you off, your triggers, and knowing your calm down routine.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:08]:
Build a routine for yourself if you need to. It might be calming music. It might be a hot bath. It might be just changing the channel of your mind. You're just gonna change the thought pattern that you have. Whatever you have in your tool kit, remind yourself of that toolkit, practice it every day, practice calm every day, and I think this is a very important step in the midlife energy makeover. So number 4, be a force and a caretaker for your nervous system. Number 5 is to decide for yourself that you're no longer gonna motivate yourself through unhealthy means anymore.

Dr. Christine Li [00:15:50]:
You're no longer going to force yourself to do things because forcing requires energy. Instead, you're going to make decisions. You are going to decide that when you say yes, it is meant for you, so you're no longer gonna resist it. You're no longer gonna procrastinate. You are going to decide when you find yourself procrastinating, you're gonna uncover the reasons for that procrastination because doing so shortens the time between your decision to do the thing and your being able to get that thing done. You're no longer gonna waste your time because time waste is an unhealthy way of getting things done. So no more forcing yourself. No more procrastination.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:41]:
No more delaying everything for no reason. And another point you're going to not do anymore, you're not gonna prove yourself through your work. No longer are you gonna associate your tasks and your productivity with your self worth. I was working with a group of my clients the other day, and we were talking about the importance of disconnecting your self worth with your tasks. And so many people on that particular group call understood what I was talking about because so many people are still in midlife connecting their self worth with their productivity. And I just want you to cut that out, and I give you permission. I give you strength. I give you the awareness in this moment to say, I no longer feel that my self worth is in question.

Dr. Christine Li [00:17:38]:
I no longer feel that I have to prove myself or get validation from anything or anyone so that I can feel safe inside my own body. Because that is a space when you don't give that to yourself, talk about nervous system dysregulation. You're gonna feel nervous every time someone asks you a question, and there's no need to. Think about changing your midlife energy patterns so that you feel rock steady the next time somebody asks you a question. You feel rock steady the next time you're taking on a challenge. You feel excited about opportunities that you're saying yes to. Now this is all nervous system health because you're doing things that are energizing for you. You do not feel threatened or unsafe, and you no longer feel like you have to prove anything to anyone, especially yourself.

Dr. Christine Li [00:18:40]:
And step number 6 in this midlife energy makeover is you're going to feed yourself very good, positive, healthy energy. That means literal good, healthy food, for sure. You're gonna eat clean. You're going to eat joyfully. You're gonna take time while you're eating. I just learned this, and this is something I am guilty of not doing all the time. Sometimes I eat at my desk, this podcasting desk. If you're watching the video of this recording, you will see me at my desk.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:12]:
And sometimes when I'm feeling a little bit rushed about something, I will eat here. But I'm gonna change that habit because first of all, I don't really want crumbs in my office anymore. And I did read recently that eating slowly and mindfully and seated in the kitchen or in your dining space is a very healthy thing to do for your digestion and for the way you are intaking your food. So be more mindful about the quality of the food and drink that you are taking in and also the habits you have around that process. But we don't only eat food and drink. We also eat words. So make sure your diet of words is also really clean and healthy. You're no longer going to say bad things about yourself.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:04]:
You are no longer going to criticize yourself cruelly or unnecessarily. You are no longer going to give yourself expectations that cause you to feel emotionally or energetically burdened or crushed because that wouldn't be a makeover, would it? It it just wouldn't. It would not lift you up. It's gonna weigh you down. So we're gonna remove anything that feels yucky, tired, like an old habit, like it's forcing energy. We're not gonna do that anymore. We're gonna have a more attraction based energy where things are magnetized to us, and we're gonna feel like we're gliding through things instead of hiding and forcing things. No more forcing and no more hiding.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:55]:
And I think I'm gonna add one more thing to step number 6, and that is you're gonna praise yourself. Instead of looking for praise everywhere, under rocks and in your partners and in your kids or in your neighbors, you're not gonna do that anymore. Let them praise you when praise is ready to be had. But I want you to start praising yourself every single day for getting up, for doing your best, for doing things like midlife makeovers. You're just gonna provide that joy to yourself on the regular. And the last step in this makeover process is you're going to avoid wasting your energy. So that means things like you gotta start decluttering because, as we know, clutter is a huge waste of your space and your energy, and it kind of brings negative energy into your zone. So you're gonna spend maybe 10, 15 minutes a day putting things away, throwing things away, making your environment energized.

Dr. Christine Li [00:21:59]:
Energized and the way you want it to be. And you're not gonna waste your time because that is an energy drain because we start worrying when we're giving all of our time away. And we see, oh, it's dark out all the time. It's winter here in New York. And it gets dark so early that I feel a heightened sense of time during this season because I feel there's so little daylight and there's so much that I wanna get done. So let me let me hone in. Let me treat myself well. Let me allow myself the right kind of energy, my midlife energy, my ramped up midlife energy to get me through the day, so I can rest when it's dark, and I can feel accomplished, and I can be happy with myself when I put my head on my pillow at night.

Dr. Christine Li [00:22:54]:
I hope you have really enjoyed my conversation with you, this conversation, these ideas about energy and midlife, and I hope you treat yourself really, really well. I hope you are healthy. I hope you stay healthy, and I wanna thank you for paying attention to this episode and its contents and following me me on this podcast so that you can live a life that you love. If you would like a free download that goes with this midlife energy makeover episode, please go to maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/makeover. Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/makeover. I'm really proud of myself for getting through this episode, and thank you again for making it through with me. I'll see you next week. Bye.

Dr. Christine Li [00:23:53]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:33]:
Talk to you soon.