Unlocking Your Speaking Potential with Nick Demos

Dr. Christine Li [00:00:00]:
Welcome back to the Make Time For Success podcast. This is episode number 192. I am beyond thrilled to be able to welcome back Nick Demos to the podcast. He is such a great guest, first of all, but he's also a multitalented, multipassionate filmmaker, producer, author, podcaster, and speaker. He is gonna dive deep into the power of storytelling, embracing vulnerability, and becoming a masterful public speaker. He starts us off by sharing his own journey of starting off as a struggling, nervous speaker and then takes us on the journey that he's been on to becoming someone who helps other people to shine on stage. In this episode, you're gonna learn practical tips for creating compelling talks and connecting with your audience too. Let's go listen to this fun, beautiful episode together now.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:05]:
Hi. I'm Dr. Christine Li, and I'm a psychologist and a procrastination coach. I've helped thousands of people move past procrastination and overwhelm so they could begin working to their potential. In this podcast, you're going to learn powerful strategies for getting your mind, body, and energy to work together so that you can focus on what's really important and accomplish the goals you want to achieve. When you start living within your full power, you're going to see how being productive can be easy and how you can create success on demand. Welcome to the Make Time For Success podcast.

Dr. Christine Li [00:01:51]:
Hi, my friends. I have a great message for you today. And that is that I have my amazing friend, colleague, and superstar Nick Demos here with us again on the Make Time For Success podcast. He was with us for the fantastic episode number 97, where we both talked about his origin story, but also the topics of imposter syndrome and how to turn that into creative success. So catch that episode again if you haven't listened to it. And regardless of whether you listen to number 97, I want you to listen to this one because Nick is so many things, so many wonderful parts of life and creativity, and such an amazing man and friend, person. He is also, by the way, an award winning documentary filmmaker, Tony winning producer, author, podcaster, teacher, mentor, performer, and speaking coach, and just a lovely person to learn from and be with. Nick, welcome back to the

Nick Demos [00:03:02]:
show. Thank you so much for having me, Christine. It is an honor, of course, to always appear on somebody's podcast, but to be invited back is truly amazing, and I don't take it lightly. And I thank you for all that you're doing in the world and for bringing me back, obviously.

Dr. Christine Li [00:03:21]:
Well, it took me half a millisecond to come up with the idea of bringing you back onto the show because I know I'm gonna have a lot of fun, and I know my listeners 24. I wanted none of for the fall of 2024. I wanted none of my podcast listeners to miss out on what you're doing and to get inspired by the message that you were about to share with us. And the topic today, ladies and gentlemen, is about becoming a speaker. So, Nick, why don't you just start us off and let us know why we're here right now and what your plans are for this topic of how to become a better, more powerful, impactful speaker going forward.

Nick Demos [00:04:13]:
Yeah. I think the first question is why would anyone want to become a speaker? I it it is maybe the most vulnerable thing in the world. It is certainly one of the things that when people say, what are the scariest things to do? Public speaking is on that list for so many folks, and I get that first and foremost. So back up, I was running, a regional theater in Oklahoma City, Oklahoma y'all, And I was new. I had just been hired. I was a 29 year old kid who had just been hired to run a theater. I don't know what they were thinking hiring this young buck, but there I was, and I was ready. I was really prepared to run the theater in terms of would sound strange at 29, but I did had know my craft.

Nick Demos [00:05:00]:
I had been a professional actor since I was 16. I've been directing for several years. I understood the aspects of the theater. What I wasn't prepared for was that I had to speak to the audience, that I had to go out and be the face of the theater. And the very first time I there's this old tradition in the theater of the curtain speech. At a regional theater, the producer will come out onto the stage and rile people up and get them ready and talk about the the season or talk about what's coming up at the theater. And really it is to put the face to the theater. The theater is more than an institution.

Nick Demos [00:05:39]:
It's a has a human component. Well, I was not prepared for that, Christine. I honestly, despite being an actor, and you would think, well, you were an actor, you could go out and talk. No. That's playing a part. That's not being yourself. I was so uncomfortable with who I was in my skin that I didn't feel like I could really share, that I could really get up there and be myself. I didn't know how to be me on stage.

Nick Demos [00:06:11]:
So the first time I had the stagehand roll out a podium. I mean, I was just supposed to step out there and, you know, say a couple of words, but I was like, no. No. No. I need something to hold on to. I need somewhere to put my notes. I had him roll out a podium, and I set my notes down and that spotlight hit my face. And I looked down and I couldn't see my notes because the spotlight hit my face.

Dr. Christine Li [00:06:38]:
Oh.

Nick Demos [00:06:39]:
It was too bright to read and I had to wing it. And I held on for dear life and sweat began pouring down my cheeks. And I you know, I'm a fast talker, obviously. I started talking so fast that it was a nail. I was just like, I just have to get through this. That's what I remember thinking. And I took some more deep breaths, kept going, got through it, left the stage, was so relieved that I had finished it. But later on that evening, I was in the hallway after the show and people were coming, you know, as a sort of a meet and greet afterwards, and this big burly guy comes barreling toward me.

Nick Demos [00:07:23]:
And I thought, oh, no. Here we go. I thought, oh, he's got something terrible to say about the show. Because everyone has an opinion, let me tell you. And which is also something you have to learn when you when you're on stage. Right? Everyone's gonna have an opinion. And he comes barreling towards me in his really thick sort of country accent. He says, you're Nick.

Nick Demos [00:07:44]:
Right? And I said, yeah. You said, that thing you said up there about a child being able to project their voice at the back of the theater and how that would change their life. You changed my mind about this theater thing. And in that moment, I knew that I had to get really good at speaking. Like, really good. If I could have that effect when I was terrible, I knew that if I got really good at it, that I could make major impact. And that was the beginning of speaking for me. And that is why speaking is so important.

Nick Demos [00:08:33]:
Because if you can change a mind, you can change a life, just a perspective shift. That's a miracle. Right? People will say, a shift of perception is a miracle. If you can create that miracle and if one edit person at a time, that's how real change happens.

Dr. Christine Li [00:08:52]:
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you tell a story. And, Nick, almost every 10 minutes, basically makes me wanna cry in a good way. Like, either I'm laughing, or I'm feeling something, or I'm shifting my perspective. So thank you, Nick, for sharing that part of your origin story about how you realize that the ability to speak powerfully can change people, can change events, can change the course of things, and is so important. What then did you do to become masterful at the craft of speaking? And what can we access as as maybe non actors, let's say?

Nick Demos [00:09:42]:
Yeah. I obviously had a big skill set behind me. Right? I had years of stagecraft, years of being up there that I could really draw from. So a lot of it for me was breaking that down. And and then how do I translate that and transfer those skills to speaking? So a lot of that was organic for me, but I will say this, practice. Practice, practice, practice. I started speaking at the Kiwanis Club. I started speaking at the Lions Club.

Nick Demos [00:10:14]:
I started going to community events and speaking. Because the more that you actually speak, the better you get. And I created a structure. So I created what I call the impact talk, where I really began to dive into how to structure a talk so that it has the most impact. And like you said, it's through these stories and sharing stories and finding stories that are relatable that you can but that also connect to your bigger message. And when I did that, that's really when it sort of upped its game, so to speak. Additionally, as you well know, I began to share my personal story in various forms, not only on stages from speaking to 10 people, speaking to a 1000 people. You know, I've done the whole gamut of that, but also on film.

Nick Demos [00:11:15]:
And truly, I wanna say this, start where you are. Start where you are. Yeah. You're likely not going to speak in front of a 1000 people first go around. Right? Even stepping onto a social stage. There's many stages. This is actually what I wanna say. There's many stages.

Nick Demos [00:11:36]:
Social media is a stage. That's your stage. Podcasts. We're on a stage right now. This is a stage. This is a speaking gig. This is a speaking engagement. Maybe it's an organization.

Nick Demos [00:11:51]:
Maybe it's corporate. Maybe it's an association. There are so many stages. And really, how you convey who you are and who you're being, and the story that you share, that's what gets you remembered. That's what gets you asked back. Thank you very much. That's what takes you to that next level of impact, ultimately. So start small.

Nick Demos [00:12:18]:
Find a structure that works for you, whether that's the one that I created and I can help you do that, or finding it on your own. Either way, there's no one way. Let me be very clear about this. I have a way that works for me and that I that I know works for others because I've worked with people and it works for them. But there is no one way to tell a story. The structure structure is structure. Right? And get out there and do it. Practice, practice, practice, practice, practice.

Dr. Christine Li [00:12:47]:
Okay. I am finding myself experiencing a little PTSD for you based on the spotlight covering your sheet of paper, because it's that experience of wanting to be and feel prepared, and yet having life say, oh, yeah. No. This is all one big hilarious joke because you have to be tested in some way. So how do people get over that anticipatory fear? Because you can give them structure all day long, but that fear might still be raging and maybe even on an a subconscious level where things, with all the practice, practice, practice, we might still have some spotlight issue come in there.

Nick Demos [00:13:36]:
Yeah. What we're really talking about here is vulnerability. You know, being susceptible to attack is what vulnerable means. And it's interesting, Christine, because I work with people everyday about this. About stepping into themselves. Because again, it's actually not about what's out there. It's about what's in here. It's about the internal message that you're telling yourself and sending yourself.

Nick Demos [00:14:07]:
Yes. Has it been influenced by outside? Absolutely. What you were told at 8 is what you're telling yourself now. What that first experience of speaking your truth, using the the throat chakra, that, you know, you're you're using that part of yourself and expressing it and what you received from that, that can hold you back. That's that could be the block. So the first thing you have to do is know thyself. Really diving into the stories, speaking of story, when you're sharing your external stories, it requires you to look at your internal stories. And so it's not necessarily for the faint of heart in that sense.

Nick Demos [00:14:55]:
Right? When you agree to step up onto a stage and share yourself, it requires that you look inside. It requires that you ask yourself the big questions and shift things energetically, emotionally, so that you can be of service. You'll often hear people say, don't make it about you. And I even I've even said this in the past. I say this. Don't make it about you. It's about your audience. Okay.

Nick Demos [00:15:22]:
But how? Right? How do I do that? How do I make that shift? How do I go to that? And that really is doing some, some inner work. That all the stuff that you do, Christine, is great prep for somebody who wants to step out onto a stage. Mhmm. Because the more you share of yourself, the more that begins to dissipate. I know that sounds so strange because you think, well, but then how do I get that first step? How do how do I take that first step to it? And really, it's simply doing it and then doing the inner work and doing it and doing the inner work. It's this game that you almost have to play with yourself to allow yourself to be vulnerable.

Dr. Christine Li [00:16:12]:
Yeah. I am gonna capture all those people who consider themselves faint of heart, because I'm going to share a message that even the faint of heart can really do this, because you can do the inner work as well. And you can use your history of vulnerability or maybe even extreme vulnerability as a source of a story or a source of a way to connect to people in the audience, in your audience, who might be experiencing the exact same thing that you've been experiencing. Right? I just wanted to make sure those people didn't get left behind.

Nick Demos [00:16:55]:
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what I do and I that that's a definitely an expression, the faint of heart. I didn't mean that you can't do it or anybody can't do it. Everyone can do this work. There's no question about it. And, yes, this is what you're talking when we're saying, like, make it about the other first if you need to so that you can then feel like there's a reason.

Nick Demos [00:17:18]:
There's always a reason for telling your story. The first thing you wanna start with is why. Why do you want to speak on stage? Why do you want to share your story? Because if you remember that why, then other things begin to fall away because that's more important. You may be the type of person who's like, I am the faint of heart, like you said. Like, I I I'm not sure about this inner work. This is a lot. But if I say to you, but that message that you have that that's on your heart that you know you want to share with people, If they can get to more people, wouldn't you want to do that? Oh, well, yeah. I want my message to resonate with more people.

Nick Demos [00:17:55]:
Yeah. I I want people to make this change, this action, do whatever it is that I offer. And then if I say, great. Let's get you on stage to do that. And you say, uh-oh. I'm not so sure. That right there is the story. There's a story right there to share that just by expressing, I'm uncomfortable here.

Nick Demos [00:18:16]:
Because I think this is another fallacy too, Christine, that people think that you have to have it all together in order to to be up on stage. Oh, look at them. They're so together. No. And in fact, I would say that the more vulnerable you are on stage with the fact that you're not all together, the more people are actually drawn to you. When you see somebody who's too polished on stage nowadays, we go, this is fakery. Because we know it is. Nobody's got it all together.

Nick Demos [00:18:45]:
Nobody. And so consequently, if you can actually use that vulnerability like you were saying, and express it on a stage, I can't tell you the number of times I've been like, oh, I just messed that up. And people laugh. Right? Because, of course, everyone's messed up. Or let me say that again, because that doesn't really work. That's vulnerability.

Dr. Christine Li [00:19:06]:
Yeah. You're making me think about where the the very common fear of speaking comes from. It may be that pressure to appear not as you really are, as some sort of performer, perfect person, and flawless communicator, which is a lot. That's a big that's a big ask for anyone, even professionals, I would imagine. But I love that you weave in stories as kind of places to rest and places to rely on getting your message through to people and connecting and making things flow, I'm assuming?

Nick Demos [00:19:50]:
Yeah. And because we learn through story. Yeah. Rory is actually how we process information. If you throw a bunch of statistics, which are really hard to memorize, to be perfectly honest, and really difficult and are dry And aren't that interesting? And, you know, you can throw all that. I can say to you a statistic like you're 22 times more likely to remember a fact if it has a story attached to it. Great. That's an interesting statistic, but it's not that compelling.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:17]:
Mhmm.

Nick Demos [00:20:17]:
As me telling the story of Maria who stood up on stage and and delivered with such great compassion and emotion, a story. Yeah. Right? You wanna remember Maria's story

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:32]:
and her the compassion she had more than a statistic about 22 times. Yeah. That's a great example. Great story. Great share. Okay. Terrific. So now could you explain to us the origin of this phase of your work and Yeah.

Dr. Christine Li [00:20:52]:
Why you're deciding to put your creative energy behind this topic and this work.

Nick Demos [00:20:59]:
You know, I obviously have been a storyteller forever, as you well know, and I had been speaking for quite some time as a professional. And I made the decision that I was going to go sort of all in on professional speaking, go much deeper, deeper in. And I joined the National Speakers Association. And I was like, really like in it, right? In it, doing it. And what happened was, people kept saying to me, Hey, Nick, can you help me with my story? Hey, Nick, your talk is structured really well. Can you help me with that? And this light bulb went off. Oh, I'm not the quarterback. I'm the coach.

Nick Demos [00:21:50]:
I'm not the star speaker. I'm the one that helps people become star speakers. And that makes so much sense now, Christine, in retrospect. Of course. I'm I'm a producer. I'm a director. I mean, it's like all of these years of all the stuff that I've done coming into one beautiful package. You know, I mean, directing actors is is like is directing performance.

Nick Demos [00:22:17]:
Writing, I've been a writer. That's that's the structure of the story. The producing, that's like creating a show. The more I sat with that I was like, could somebody hit me, like, with a hammer harder? Okay. You know, like, what's that? What's that saying, like, one brick comes and then you don't pay attention to the next brick and then the whole entire house is falling down on your head of bricks. That's sort of how this this came about. It was not like I set out being like, I'm going to be. It just truly happened in a super organic way.

Nick Demos [00:22:47]:
And when that happened, I made the decision, okay, I'm gonna create a course. I'm gonna create a program ultimately about creating your talk that will have massive impact in the world. Because that's really what I'm all about as you will know is is impact. Yes. Income. It's gonna create income too. But I didn't I named my program the Impact Academy, not the Income Academy. The income is the the byproduct.

Nick Demos [00:23:18]:
This is what happens when you create that impact. But it was really important to me that I draw in like minded, heart centered, amazing folks who really are out there wanting to make change in the world through these talks. And then I have this, you know, realization also that I'm a live guy. Like, I'm a theater person, 1st and foremost, always and forever. I that sound like cats. Now and forever. I'm, I'm a, I'm a theater person. I'm a live person.

Nick Demos [00:23:49]:
I thought I have to create some live events because if you're gonna speak on stage, you need to be on stage. And that stage, again, doesn't need to be a huge amphitheater. A stage can be standing up in front of 5 people and giving a talk in a in a classroom. There are so many ways, but I knew people needed to do it on their feet, and they needed to do it live. And so, yeah, I'm I created the Impact Academy live. We're doing a live event in New York City, New York, New York. Can I sing on this podcast?

Dr. Christine Li [00:24:25]:
Yes, of course. Please. And once I heard about what Nick was up to, I didn't hear about the quarterback. I'm not the quarterback. I'm the coach realization piece, but I'm really glad you shared that here, and I'm glad I know it now. But once I heard that Nick was doing this kind of event live in my town of New York, that's how he got back on the show, because I knew I wanted to help him promote this. I wanted to support him. I wanted you all to know that this kind of opportunity was available to you soon.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:04]:
And, do you wanna share the dates of the Impact Academy first, and then we can share what else you have for our listeners?

Nick Demos [00:25:14]:
Yeah. So first of all, before I share those dates, I want to say thank you, because you were the very first person to raise your hand and say, I want to help you.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:26]:
Yeah.

Nick Demos [00:25:27]:
And that means so much to me. I I'm kind of getting a little weepy here. Means so much to me. It's really it really touched my heart that you were so giving and sharing. And I'm not sure your audience knows. I'm sure they do. They must from listening. What a big huge heart you have.

Nick Demos [00:25:44]:
Oh, no. Go ahead.

Dr. Christine Li [00:25:45]:
As both my dogs chime in, it's

Nick Demos [00:25:48]:
they're great. Great. Yes, yes, yes. Yes. It does. So I wanna say thank you for that. But the dates, the dates for New York are October 26th 27th, 2024. In New York City, it truly is a weekend of creating your signature talk and getting part of it up on its feet and getting feedback on your presentation, which is so valuable and so important to have that feedback before you get in front of an audience.

Nick Demos [00:26:18]:
Don't do what I did. Don't do what I did. Learn from my mistake. First.

Dr. Christine Li [00:26:24]:
Yeah. We wanna skip all the PTSD and and all the the lights interfering with your your beautiful story and the impact that you were meant to have. And I I know he's got a lot planned for the live weekend, including a lot of hands on crafting and support and a non pressured environment. I went through this this this landing page very carefully myself, so I know that those are those are pieces that are included.

Nick Demos [00:26:58]:
I think one of the things that's most important to me is that you're having a good time while you're doing it, that it's fun. Yeah. Because stage is supposed to be fun. It's not supposed to be scary. And in fact, when you flip that, when you get to the fun part, it's it's like the best feeling and experience, in the world. Because you know that, yes, you've done all

Dr. Christine Li [00:27:22]:
this work. You've done all

Nick Demos [00:27:23]:
the inner work that we're talking about. It's hard. It's hard. It's hard. It's vulnerable. But when you get past that and into the actual presentation, and you're making a difference in the world, it's like the best feeling ever. And that is fun. And so I want the process to be as fun as possible.

Nick Demos [00:27:40]:
Yes. As joyous as possible.

Dr. Christine Li [00:27:43]:
Yes. And I'm a big supporter of anything that Nick does being super fun. I can I can vouch for all of the fun factor that Nick will bring? So thank you for sharing the Impact Academy dates with us and what's included. Let's talk about what you have planned for August. We have a date of August 22nd. I'll let you carry it away.

Nick Demos [00:28:06]:
Yeah. So on August 22nd, I have a workshop which because you're listening to this, you get to come for free. It is a paid workshop, but because you are listening to this because of Christine being such a big supporter and friend, there is a option for you all to come join us for free. It's an outline your signature talk workshop. It's like the first step that you want to take, choosing your topic, making sure that you've got a topic that is going to to be resonant, that's going to, match the message that you want to share and beginning to create that message by creating an outline of your talk. But then, of course, if you come in October, you can begin to really fill that in. It's a great precursor. That said, even if you just come for the workshop, you'll get great value out of it because you'll have this structure that you'll be able to then go take and fill out on your own.

Nick Demos [00:29:01]:
And if you can't come on the 22nd August, you can still come to the to the October event as well because we go back and we really dive dive in. But it's a great precursor, a little, but I like a taster. You get to come have a little taste of

Dr. Christine Li [00:29:15]:
the fun and, walk away with your outline, an outline for a keynote talk. I love this. I love this. So, again, outline your signature talk will be a virtual live experience on August 22nd, and it is free for Make Time For Success podcast listeners. And I'm gonna give you a link to get information about that and or sign up for that. It's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/talk, which is talk. Again, it's maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com/talk. I do wanna just put in an extra plug for this kind of work in general.

Dr. Christine Li [00:30:03]:
Any work that helps you to become more confident, to become more of a communicator, to become more comfortable with what you have to say is gonna be so worth your time, your energy, your attention, your resources. It just will pay you back over and over and over again because from that point forward, you'll have that much more to give and show up with and to be with. It's just amazing.

Nick Demos [00:30:38]:
Yeah. One of the things that it does is it really clarifies your message. Even if you're not gonna step onto a stage, but we you already are. I I already know you are because we're all on stages now. How do we know? How are we not when we're on social? How are we not? We're we're it's a stage. You've got your own stage. Right? What this does really is clarifies who you are and how you want to be in the world. And that's priceless, ultimately.

Nick Demos [00:31:03]:
That's, like, everything.

Dr. Christine Li [00:31:06]:
It's everything. And I think that brings us to the end of this beautiful episode. Thank you for bringing the love, as always. Thanks for always bringing the fun and almost the tears all the time. And, I just love you so much. Thank you, Nick. Please let us know your Instagram handle as well so that if people wanna hang out with you on social, see you there, maybe message you there as well, we can have them do that as well.

Nick Demos [00:31:34]:
Yeah. Maybe we'll create a reel together, you and I again. Okay. The Nick Demos, t h e n i c kdemos. Thenickdemos.

Dr. Christine Li [00:31:44]:
Alright. Terrific. Any final words from you, Nick?

Nick Demos [00:31:48]:
I think the final thought really is allow yourself the vulnerable heart. Allow yourself to have a great time in the process of sharing who you are. And you can do it. You can do this.

Dr. Christine Li [00:32:02]:
Alright, everyone. That is a wrap. I love you too, and I will see you next week on Thursday when the next episode of this podcast drops. Take care.

Dr. Christine Li [00:32:13]:
Thank you for listening to this episode of the Make Time For Success podcast. If you enjoyed what you've heard, you can subscribe to make sure you get notified of upcoming episodes. You can also visit our website, maketimeforsuccesspodcast.com, for past episodes, show notes, and all the resources we mentioned on the show. Feel free to connect with me over on Instagram too. You can find me there under the name procrastination coach. Send me a DM and let me know what your thoughts are about the episodes you've been listening to. And let me know any topics that you might like me to talk about on the show. I'd love to hear all about how you're making time for success.

Dr. Christine Li [00:32:53]:
Talk to you soon.